Do I cut my mom out of my life?

[Daisycat]

Palmtree


I know she loves me, but it is adding so much stress to my life right now. I can’t even imagine how her head would explode if she ever knew about Switzerland. My dad knows and he says he is OK with it as long as it’s the right time. As in I can no longer do more than 50-75% of the things I enjoy. My time table and his are different for this , but hopefully it never comes to this.
I do think I am going to need to tell my mom something, because I am so sick of hearing about how if I just pray it will solve everything. As far as I know religious people still get sick and have bad things happen…




Mamabug


I am going to have to do something, because I cannot deal with her extreme religious beliefs anymore. The more she pushes me about her god, the more I swing in the other direction. This disease has made me 200% sure that god does not exist , because if he does there is no way he would allow someone he “loves” to suffer like this thing causes. But I don’t want to turn this into a religious debate so I will leave it at that. – And I agree this was very wise.

[Mamabug]

I am going to have to do something, because I cannot deal with her extreme religious beliefs anymore. The more she pushes me about her god, the more I swing in the other direction. This disease has made me 200% sure that god does not exist , because if he does there is no way he would allow someone he “loves” to suffer like this thing causes. But I don’t want to turn this into a religious debate so I will leave it at that. – And I agree this was very wise.

Yeah. A religious debate wouldn't answer all of our questions -- whether we believe in God or not. Theologians have been debating why bad things happen to good people for centuries.

I wish for peace of mind for your mom, peace (from your mom) for you, and good health, in spite of MS, for you.

[Daisycat]

Mamabug

my mom likes to tell me if I give my life to god it’ll all be different and I’ll be ok with this dreaded disease and would never consider Switzerland no matter how bad things are.

She does not know about my Switzerland plans but she said god would give me peace even if I ended up with “locked in syndrome “ - basically my nightmare of how this will end.

I don’t know how else to explain to her that I don’t want that for my life and that isn’t living and if that’s what believing in god will do there is no way that will ever happen

[Mamabug]

Daisycat; I don't agree with your mom's approach at all. I have a sister and her family who are atheists and don't believe in God. They are good, moral people and it's their life.

Their lives aren't perfect. My sister has had type 1 diabetes since age 10; she has experienced many health challenges related to that. They also got scammed out of $80,000 of retirement money on a second mortgage, related to major house renovations, etc. Although he is in prison now, the money is not recoverable.

But they are happy people with a positive attitude and they don't believe the universe is against them. Bad things happen to both Christians and non- Christians. That's life.

I don't lecture my sister on faith issues. My sister is an adult. She knows that my faith is important to me; I don't need to remind her. Her salvation is not my issue, even though I care for her deeply. I simply believe that she is a child of God, that God loves her deeply too, and that God has the ability to draw her near when the time is right. It's not my job. It's in God's hands.

Although your mom might be right, that if you gave your life to God, you would have peace, that might not happen for you. We're all different.

I have relative peace with my MS situation. However, so does my sister with her challenges. There is some value in accepting what you can't change. That can contribute to inner peace. For both me and my sister.

You seem somewhat unwilling to do that. You might still be unwilling even if God was in your life. And, you have the ability to work towards inner peace, with, or without, God.

[Daisycat]

Mama bug

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be at peace with this. I like being in control of my life and planning my future and I feel like this has taken that from me since I don’t know what will be happening in 5 years.

i still feel like I have to get every life experience I want out of the way in the next 2 years or I might not get to do them.

Even if that guy is right and this is cis there’s a good chance it’ll progress one day and I just don’t think I can be ok with that.

I’m very independent and see asking for help as a sign of weakness so I’m probably going to be stubborn if anything ever does happen and just find a way to work around it until it progresses to where I can’t live with it.

I’m really hoping this is 20-30 years or never, but it’s on my mind all the time.

[pennstater]

Mama bug

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be at peace with this. I like being in control of my life and planning my future and I feel like this has taken that from me since I don’t know what will be happening in 5 years.

Pre-MS, it was just an illusion that you could control your future. Noone can. There was a recent financial study that said 25% of all 20 year olds today will be on disability, regardless of having a progressive disease.

Not telling you that to depress you. But the reality is that today, you can only control the same factors in life that you could have controlled pre-MS. You can control how you take care of both your mind and body, how you plan and adjust your plans as life changes, and how you react to life, but not how others do.

You need to keep focus on what you can control and let go of what you can't. You made positive steps and are working on more. Take pride in that.

[Jules A]

Pre-MS, it was just an illusion that you could control your future. Noone can. There was a recent financial study that said 25% of all 20 year olds today will be on disability, regardless of having a progressive disease.

Not telling you that to depress you. But the reality is that today, you can only control the same factors in life that you could have controlled pre-MS. You can control how you take care of both your mind and body, how you plan and adjust your plans as life changes, and how you react to life, but not how others do.

You need to keep focus on what you can control and let go of what you can't. You made positive steps and are working on more. Take pride in that.

In the interest of peace and gratitude I'm trying to be more of a glass 1/2 full type although being a glass 1/2 empty gal served to keep my eyes open and reduced shock/disappointment when the inevitable things went wrong in life.

One of the few "positives", which I use very loosely, from MS is that I don't take my good health and physical abilities for granted. It amped up my awareness of the value of exercise, nutrition and being thankful for what I am able to do today. There are no guarantees and there are always people worse off than I am. This has been beneficial with accepting the aging process which I'm finding fairly horrifying also.

[pennstater]

In the interest of peace and gratitude I'm trying to be more of a glass 1/2 full type although being a glass 1/2 empty gal served to keep my eyes open and reduced shock/disappointment when the inevitable things went wrong in life.

One of the few "positives", which I use very loosely, from MS is that I don't take my good health and physical abilities for granted. It amped up my awareness of the value of exercise, nutrition and being thankful for what I am able to do today. There are no guarantees and there are always people worse off than I am. This has been beneficial with accepting the aging process which I'm finding fairly horrifying also.

Totally agree that both have a place. I am a plan in case (insurance, save, live in a ranch, etc..), but hope for the best. I have no reason not to.

As for Tysabri, I do wonder would I have less residual symptoms? I will never know. I was on Avonex, then Rebif when relapsed. After a few relapses on Rebif, Tysabri. It did stop my relapses and progression. But I don't second guess myself - I made the best decision for me at the time based on risk assessment. When I did go on Tysabri, the risks were better understood regarding JCV status and PML risk. Since then, even more known based on multiple factors.

I am in the camp hit it as hard as you can. That being said, it is a very personal decision. As long as it is an informed decision so that later, if things pogress, a person is comfortable knowing they did what was best for them, so be it. Each individual assigns their own priorities in life. I do worry when depression may cloud decisions, but again, only the depressed person can reach out for the help needed that may lead to different decisions.

[Mamabug]

Pre-MS, it was just an illusion that you could control your future. Noone can.

Truth.
...

[Mamabug]

Mama bug

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be at peace with this.

That's your choice, of course. I prefer to choose acceptance and inner peace, rather than anxiety and discontent.

[Daisycat]

Pennstater


Before this disease I could at least plan for a future and I could take a day off from working out and dieting without feeling guilty. Now besides throwing myself into furthering my career , since I can’t do that anymore, I am throwing myself into extreme exercising and dieting. At least I can control what I eta and how much I work out. The factors I can control are things that will help this dreading disease not progress. I will do everything I can to keep my independence as long as possible.


Jules


My outlook is hope and try for the best but expect the worst. This was I am not just giving up and just smoking 2 packs a day and eating food I actually enjoy while sitting on the couch. I am doing that I can to prevent anything else from ever happening.


As for changing medications, I am not for something that can cause a fatal brain infection , immune suppression , or flu like symptoms. I am not saying all of these would happen, but if it does I can’t exactly keep taking off work for that. I need no one to ever find out about this.



Mamabug

I just can’t accept this. I try to not actually think about it as much as possible or I become very angry and at some point would end up fired or arrested for getting into a fight with someone who wronged me in some way. For me denial , extremely healthy lifestyle , and depression are all I got at the moment.

[Mamabug]

For me denial , extremely healthy lifestyle , ... are all I got at the moment.

That's an ok place for you to be, at the moment.

You've come a long way from where you were when you started posting here, less than a year ago.

I continue to wish for you to experience peace and acceptance. You are hurting mostly yourself by not embracing these. You would feel better and begin to enjoy life and look forward to your future again.

[pennstater]

Before this disease I could at least plan for a future and I could take a day off from working out and dieting without feeling guilty. Now besides throwing myself into furthering my career , since I can’t do that anymore, I am throwing myself into extreme exercising and dieting. At least I can control what I eta and how much I work out. The factors I can control are things that will help this dreading disease not progress. I will do everything I can to keep my independence as long as possible.

You can still plan the same future - you choose not to. Your choice. You have no physical or cognitive deficits prohibiting you.

Staying depressed without trying to get help - again your choice. It doesn't have to be that way.

Controlling what you can is great - keep it up. The other part is letting go of what you can't. You are working hard on the physical fight. I hope one day, you seek help and work just as hard on the mental part. Being in denial short term is a healthy part of grieving. Long term, it is not and sets you up for future hardship.

[Daisycat]

That's an ok place for you to be, at the moment.

You've come a long way from where you were when you started posting here, less than a year ago.

I continue to wish for you to experience peace and acceptance. You are hurting mostly yourself by not embracing these. You would feel better and begin to enjoy life and look forward to your future again.

My problem is I do not know how to look forward to the future because no matter how I look at it I see it going a few different ways and they all kinda depress me.

1. I do everything I am doing now and still end up needing Switzerland in a few years.

2. I do everything I am doing now and I miss out on everything because I feel guilty if I take a day off working out or I eat bad. Already having to plan how I am getting out of Christmas dinner... which makes me kind of sad , but I can't allow myself to be around that many happy people who are all laughing and being able to enjoy decent food.

3. I decide to give up my extreme diet and exercise and "live it up" for as long as my body holds out and hope for 10 years and end up in Switzerland knowing I at least did everything I could to enjoy life.

Trying to think of the positives though... At least once I started my benzos again I am down to 5 pills a week versus 14. That withdrawal from the stuff is no joke... I tried to stay off it I really did but after 4 months while most of the annoying symptoms were gone the anxiety levels were 1000% worse then they had ever been.

[Mamabug]

You whole post, Kathy, was well written. You made a lot of good points.

Being a in denial short term is a healthy part of grieving. Long term, it is not and sets you up for future hardship.

My problem is I do not know how to look forward to the future because no matter how I look at it I see it going a few different ways and they all kinda depress me.

Then , ... change the way you look at it. I have many more disabilities than you might ever have. And my future does not depression me. It's a choice.