Do I cut my mom out of my life?

[Daisycat]

I've never understood it either but I do admire them. Good news is neither of us is there yet so why not enjoy our decent health while we have it?

My problem is I am afraid every second of every day that the "end" (for lack pf a better word) is approaching. My double vision happened with no warning, so I can't get the thought out of my mind the the next horrible thing is lurking just around the corner.

I still can't understand how I could have gone from being healthy to what I am now in a matter of seconds.

[Jules A]

My problem is I am afraid every second of every day that the "end" (for lack pf a better word) is approaching. My double vision happened with no warning, so I can't get the thought out of my mind the the next horrible thing is lurking just around the corner.

I still can't understand how I could have gone from being healthy to what I am now in a matter of seconds.

It happened the exact same way with me. The difference here is that with time I realized I can't spend every second of my life waiting for the other shoe to fall. In hindsight that was a good choice since its been over a decade, in fact it has been 14 years I literally don't know where the time went.

And you you are a smart girl and know you didn't go from being healthy to "what I am now" in a matter of seconds. MS isn't an acute illness it was brewing under the surface for who knows how long. Really from what you have written the only things wrong with you at this time are your extreme anxiety and unfortunate rigidity.

[Daisycat]

I know I am anxious. I have a disease that could eventually make me a blind and bed ridden cripple who doesn’t even remember my name ( worst case scenario here) , but knowing I could lose my independence at any time terrifies me because for me that is not a life.



And I can’t adjust to a life with this disease. The best I can do is fight it as much as I can and hope it stays away and lets me have another decade or two. I live in fear every day of people finding out. I would have nowhere to go since I couldn’t work anymore since I would be humiliated to have everyone know that about me. I’d have to hope that I could get some form of disability since no one is ever going to knowing higher someone with this disease to work with living creatures. The lawsuit that would come about if I ever made a mistake and cost an animal its life AND it was known that I had this disease terrifies me.



There are so many different scenarios of ways this could go and even the best case one isn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows. I feel like if I accept it like people here keep saying I will lose my determination to fight this thing and will slowly get lazy on my workouts and dieting. I need to stay angry to make sure I give everything I have to making sure this thing stays away.

[SNOOPY]

I need to stay angry to make sure I give everything I have to making sure this thing stays away.

Staying angry will not help in keeping this disease at bay. You simply hide behind anger, below that anger is a whole host of emotions you don't want to deal with. This is true for anyone with anger issues. You can stay an angry person and even find ways to feed that anger but it will not solve a single thing.

[IntoDust]

I know I am anxious. I have a disease that could eventually make me a blind and bed ridden cripple who doesn’t even remember my name ( worst case scenario here)

I’m not sure why I’m bothering to respond, but here we go again:

Stop using this disease as an excuse for your out of control anxiety. You’ve admitted that you’ve been taking benzos for a long time, before your hospitalization last year. Instead of dealing with this disease, your depression or your anxiety, you’ve decided to fixate on it and become obsessed with your health - or perceived lack of it.

Instead of figuring out what is causing so much anxiety for you, you’re going for immediate gratification. Extreme dieting, extreme exercising, short acting anti-anxiolytics. You aren’t willing to put in any long term sustained effort. All of your goals are so short sighted but the reality is, this disease is a long road for most who have it.

You’re not willing to listen to any good solid advice although you post under the pretense of wanting it. It sounds like you just need attention and you’re definitely getting it. These boards have turned into the Daisy Show again.

[Daisycat]

Snoopy


Staying angry will give me the motivation I need to work out and eat right and keep me from doing things that people with this disease shouldn’t do. Nothing will solve my anger this until they find a cure for this dreaded disease. So for now I will do what I can to try to minimize its damage on my life.

IntoDust


Yes I have used Benzos for a long time and I have said many times I am using less now than I ever have before. Benzos were the first thing I found that fixed my insomnia. No one told me how addicting they can be when I started them. All I knew is I was finally sleeping again.
And unless you know of some secret cure for this disease this is the only way I can deal with it. I have to do everything I can to make sure I never have another issue. I really would like to at least have another 10-20 good years.

I know exactly where my anxiety is coming from. This dreaded disease and what I know it *can** do to me. I hate not having control over my life so I am doing what I can to take back what little control I do have. There are no long term fixes for this disease because as all of us know sadly there is no cure. So I am doing what I can to be as healthy as possible and control what I can.

I do listen to the advice people here give. I just do not agree with a decent amount of it. I don’t think I should accept this disease and just “learn to be happy” with it. The life this disease promises is one I do not want any part of.


And both of my original questions were legitimate questions that I would think other people with this disease have thought about.


1. Do you cut out a family member who is only causing you stress and


2. Is it fair to keep a partner in a relationship when you know if you let them go now they can find someone to have a real future with

[Temagami]

DC,

Seems that at this point in the journey that anxiety/depression is way more crippling to you than MS. Address those and maybe the MS won´t seem nearly as scary. It´s usually not a good idea to make decisions based on fear unless you are being attacked by a bear, tiger or lion. Just read today that ketamine can address depression within hours of administration.

If you had to look up CBT it makes me wonder if you´ve had much face time with a professional in addressing the past anxiety. It is not inevitable that you live with the depression/anxiety as there are many roads to reducing it. As for the yoga, please consider going to classes with a variety of teachers until you find one that resonate with you. There are many styles of yoga and it´s worth investigating other styles as well.

As for your original questions, was your Mom preaching salvation to you before your diagnosis?

Instead of seeing your boyfriend´s response as out of alignment with yours, perhaps his love and understanding of you is so deep that he knows that you are processing this diagnosis and will be able to frame it with a different mindset once you´ve had the chance to process (not saying your endgame plan will be off the table) and he´s letting time guide his take on the present without locking in a decision on the future.

[gargantua]

And both of my original questions were legitimate questions that I would think other people with this disease have thought about.

1. Do you cut out a family member who is only causing you stress and

2. Is it fair to keep a partner in a relationship when you know if you let them go now they can find someone to have a real future with

I have been following these threads and thinking about the nature of those two questions, so thanks for asking them. I think it's quite natural to take stock of your surroundings when diagnosed with something like MS, and to ask yourself who in your life is helping and who is possibly contributing to problems you no longer want to deal with. It almost boils down to anthropology and survival instincts. To that end, I've made damn sure to keep in touch with everyone I care about since DX, and I've made damn sure they know exactly what is going on with me. Call it what you will.

Daisy, when you ask a question here take what you want and leave what you don't want. With all due respect for people who have suffered and shared so much here, it's an online forum, not a clinic.

[IntoDust]

1. Do you cut out a family member who is only causing you stress and


2. Is it fair to keep a partner in a relationship when you know if you let them go now they can find someone to have a real future with

1. No, you don’t cut off family because they cause you stress. But if they are causing you genuine distress or the relationship is toxic, then maybe they should be cut out of your life. But before going to such extreme measures, learn to set some healthy boundaries.

2. Every one of us on here that are married or in a relationship has had this thought. If he wants to stay with you despite the challenges that may lay ahead, stop looking for a reason to leave him. I’ve already told you that you’re at risk of pushing him away with your negative attitude. I predict that he may leave you and not the other way around if you don’t learn to live despite having MS.

I feel that you’re looking for excuses to get rid of people on your life. You’ve already said you resent your friends and don’t wanna hang out with them anymore. You are purposefully isolating yourself and your behavior is self destructive. You’re not saving anyone else in the process but you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

[Seasha]

Thanks to everyone who has responded to Daisy's thread and have given much needed advice. This thread with 99 replies has run it's course so at this time we are going to close it.

Daisy, we hope your can work things out with your mom (your original question). You may always ask more questions or comments in a new thread.

[Seasha]

I have reopened this thread

[Daisycat]

Thanks to everyone who offered advice on this topic. For now I have decided it is best if I do not speak to my mom. She was causing me a lot of stress and I would notice that my sleep would suffer and my Fitbit would have my resting heart rate much higher on the days I spoke to her.

I love her and hope one day she can accept that I will most likely never be the religious conservative daughter that she wants , but until that day I think it is better if we keep our talking to a minimum. I did help her with a problem she was having with her dog and texted her Happy Thanksgiving, but for now I think we are just way different in our approach to things.

So hopefully one day she can accept my views and calm down her approach with her religion and POV about this disease , but for now we are not speaking unless its about her animals or a "Happy XYZ" text.

My dad feels differently than I do about this. He is religious himself , but I have told him everything and he has said he understands and supports whatever choice I make. I wish my mom could be at least a little more like him , but according to my dad she has always been this way... but thats an entirely different topic.

But thank you everyone who offered advice on this. It is sad that I have had to cut her out of my life , but reducing my stress level is important and she adds to it way to much. And for what its worth I have told her most of how I feel about how she acts and she has basically said she does not care. So it is what it is.

[marti]

I’m not sure why I’m bothering to respond, but here we go again:

Stop using this disease as an excuse for your out of control anxiety. You’ve admitted that you’ve been taking benzos for a long time, before your hospitalization last year. Instead of dealing with this disease, your depression or your anxiety, you’ve decided to fixate on it and become obsessed with your health - or perceived lack of it.

Instead of figuring out what is causing so much anxiety for you, you’re going for immediate gratification. Extreme dieting, extreme exercising, short acting anti-anxiolytics. You aren’t willing to put in any long term sustained effort. All of your goals are so short sighted but the reality is, this disease is a long road for most who have it.

You’re not willing to listen to any good solid advice although you post under the pretense of wanting it. It sounds like you just need attention and you’re definitely getting it. These boards have turned into the Daisy Show again.

Have expressed this same statement and agree with your post. Kind of makes me wish I could meet this woman and see who she really is. I sometimes think she replies to each post to boost the number of responses to each post. Sorry to sound harsh... again.

[Daisycat]

Have expressed this same statement and agree with your post. Kind of makes me wish I could meet this woman and see who she really is. I sometimes think she replies to each post to boost the number of responses to each post. Sorry to sound harsh... again.

And and I kind of wish I could meet some of the people here who think I should keep someone in my life just because they are family when all they do is cause me stress.

I’ve expressed I’ll never be happy again with this disease so now my goal is making my remaining time as fun, stress free, healthy, and living how I want. If that means cutting some one out of my life because they don’t respect me that is my right

[IntoDust]

I’ve expressed I’ll never be happy again with this disease so now my goal is making my remaining time as fun, stress free, healthy, and living how I want.

Daisycat, this may blow your mind, but those are the very things that make most people happy.
Happiness encompasses many things but three of the four things you just listed are cornerstones for happiness.