Breaking down mentally

[Ant1981]

I may be thinking too much but it feels like I’m going through the hardest time of my life right now.

Unemployed, running low on money and trying to get through school (with difficulties)

my dx attack left me with minimal sx but took me outta construction (scaffolding heights not comfortable on) lost my girlfriend and I’m feeling overwhelmed these days.

imfrustrated, angry and anxious all the time. I’m setting up my new bedroom at my parents house which is close to my gym so I’ll get organized better but prior to dx things were not great either but at least I had some financial stability.

This may be the best opportunity in my life and the best time or the hardest and worst. Depends on how I look at it and I shift between the two attitudes constantly.

I think I need to get back to my meditation and stick with exercise and don’t worry so much.

any advice? I’m just barely keeping afloat in my thoughts.

[pennstater]

You are still early in diagnosis. It is normal to have emotional swings. Sometimes if you keep your focus on the day to day, school, exercise, meditation, it helps. Start and end your day with positive thoughts that you are working towards a great goal, that the struggles now will pay off later.

On a side note, I always found in the early days, if I gave myself too much time to think and didn't keep busy, I would easily overwhelm myself with my thoughts. If you are finding yourself with free time maybe you can find some club that offers free activities to do, as well as some socialization. If I remember right, you run. So maybe a running club or hiking. Or you could donate some time to a charity that could use your construction skills?

It is truly understandable the feelings you are having. Hang in there.

[Daisycat]

I may be thinking too much but it feels like I’m going through the hardest time of my life right now.

Unemployed, running low on money and trying to get through school (with difficulties)

my dx attack left me with minimal sx but took me outta construction (scaffolding heights not comfortable on) lost my girlfriend and I’m feeling overwhelmed these days.

imfrustrated, angry and anxious all the time. I’m setting up my new bedroom at my parents house which is close to my gym so I’ll get organized better but prior to dx things were not great either but at least I had some financial stability.

This may be the best opportunity in my life and the best time or the hardest and worst. Depends on how I look at it and I shift between the two attitudes constantly.

I think I need to get back to my meditation and stick with exercise and don’t worry so much.

any advice? I’m just barely keeping afloat in my thoughts.

I don’t really have any advice for you, but I do hope things get better for you. I can relate to how you are feeling though. I can tell you the 100 things that don’t work… but I do hope things get better for you.

[MyGirlsMom]

Any, I totally get it as I am right there with you. Some days I am a warrior of all the popular MS slogans....”I may have MS but it doesn’t have me”, “I am not defined by MS”, “wow....you look so good”, etc. But other days I can hardly keep my head up and get out of bed. Losing your livelyhood and social/work position is huge! I know others say that you aren’t defined that way, but in many ways we are. It gives us confidence, self satisfaction of a job well Done and of course, an income. Right now I am struggling with my MS and perhaps other health issues that have not been resolved and many are pushing me to quit me job. I just haven’t yet been able to emotionally walk away, even though it may in the end be just what I need....it is so hard to know what are the best next steps in managing this illness in our lives.

Also, I have always struggled this time of year as the day light get shorter. I see you are in Canada...have you had trouble with this too? Perhaps not as much as you were always outside and are now spending more time indoors? I keep meaning to purchase a northern light....maybe I will finally get to that this week. We do have full spectrum light bulbs in our kitchen just for me. 😉

Amyhow, I just wanted you to know that you are so not alone! Sending cyber hugs 🤗 and prayers 🙏🏼 your way!

Best - MGM

[Temagami]

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

Perspective allows you to reframe the pain in order not to suffer.

Your gf was not working out and there is the pain of the loss but the blessing of creating space in your life for someone more suitable.

Your job gave you satisfaction but you knew that it was dangerous and would not provide a living as you got older. Thus the opportunity to return to school is a gift of possibility.

Your mom is ill and needs care. Living at home as an adult is difficult as is being a caretaker, but you will live without regret having been there for her. And at this time, with school taking precedence over job, living in a low cost place suits where you are on the journey.

Your DMD is working and while there is still the adjustment of being an MSer, you are past the shock phase.

Look back and see how far you have come in such a short time. You could easily do a month of meditations on all of the personal growth that you have achieved through pure grit.

[Ant1981]

The good of bad

Seems like every grievance has a equally positive counter point.

Thanks, just need to focus on the silver lining of my situation.

guess everything happens for a reason.

appreciate all your support.

[IntoDust]

This may be the best opportunity in my life and the best time or the hardest and worst. Depends on how I look at it and I shift between the two attitudes constantly.

Ant,
You know that your determination and positive attitude have been very well received here on the boards. But just because you have been an inspiration doesn't mean you are not allowed to have some low points too.
From what I've read of your situation, it seems that you have much more than just MS to contend with these days. Being diagnosed was the push you needed to change your life and you used it to better your situation. That was just the beginning and the road to financial independence, relationship fulfillment and personal gain can be really, really hard.
I think most of us would struggle in your shoes a bit even if MS wasn't a factor. You are helping to be a caregiver for your mother and I have to ask, is it possible that you are experiencing caregiver burnout? I sure did when my dad had cancer a few years ago. I ended up having my first flare at that time as the stress was too much to handle but my sisters and I had no choice but to keep on going. We went until we had nothing left to give.

This is a rough time in your life but the good news is that this too shall pass. All of the progress you are making will one day pay off in a really big and meaningful way. Once again, even without MS construction work can really take a toll on the body. I've seen so many patients who ended up on disability a decade or more before they were set to retire as the work physically broke them. You are getting out at the perfect age. My husband is 36 and after 19 years of installing floors he has moved on to estimating. He is just now starting to feel the effects of the physical labor of all of those years and the timing may have saved his body from God knows what.
As far as paying for school, have you looked to see if any MS societies or charities have scholarships or grants? If they do, it could help to ease the financial burden for you. I'd be willing to look into it for you if you'd like.

[Seasha]

As far as paying for school, have you looked to see if any MS societies or charities have scholarships or grants?

Actually, there are a number of places that are offering scholarships for pwMS.
NMSS, MS Association of America and Elaine Chaplin Fund. More information here - http://www.collegescholarships.org/h...-sclerosis.htm

Included are some regional scholarship programs.

There may be more but this is a starter.

[gargantua]

Start and end your day with positive thoughts that you are working towards a great goal, that the struggles now will pay off later.

This is great advice. I was waking up every night with this horrible existential dread, and now when I go to bed I try to just think about one thing I am looking forward to, even if very basic. It helps!

[Ant1981]

One thing after another

Thanks 🙏 do everyone for the support, seems like it’s one thing after another these days. It sure is a challenge.

ill keep pushing forward as best as I can, it’s not getting any better right now

[Ant1981]

Scholarships

Ant,
You know that your determination and positive attitude have been very well received here on the boards. But just because you have been an inspiration doesn't mean you are not allowed to have some low points too.
From what I've read of your situation, it seems that you have much more than just MS to contend with these days. Being diagnosed was the push you needed to change your life and you used it to better your situation. That was just the beginning and the road to financial independence, relationship fulfillment and personal gain can be really, really hard.
I think most of us would struggle in your shoes a bit even if MS wasn't a factor. You are helping to be a caregiver for your mother and I have to ask, is it possible that you are experiencing caregiver burnout? I sure did when my dad had cancer a few years ago. I ended up having my first flare at that time as the stress was too much to handle but my sisters and I had no choice but to keep on going. We went until we had nothing left to give.

This is a rough time in your life but the good news is that this too shall pass. All of the progress you are making will one day pay off in a really big and meaningful way. Once again, even without MS construction work can really take a toll on the body. I've seen so many patients who ended up on disability a decade or more before they were set to retire as the work physically broke them. You are getting out at the perfect age. My husband is 36 and after 19 years of installing floors he has moved on to estimating. He is just now starting to feel the effects of the physical labor of all of those years and the timing may have saved his body from God knows what.
As far as paying for school, have you looked to see if any MS societies or charities have scholarships or grants? If they do, it could help to ease the financial burden for you. I'd be willing to look into it for you if you'd like.

Thank you intodust, I did look into it but in Canada all I can get is a student loan but I didn’t do extensive research. As for scholarships I’m not sure, I’m just buried in my studies to follow up too much right now.

[Mamabug]

This may be the best opportunity in my life and the best time or the hardest and worst. Depends on how I look at it and I shift between the two attitudes constantly.

I think I need to get back to my meditation and stick with exercise and don’t worry so much.

You've received some good advice; you also have a great deal of wisdom for someone so young.

I suggest googling resiliency and looking for strategies to cultivate resiliency. You'll find a lot of information out there.

[palmtree]

Ant,

You sound like an awesome guy. Working construction with MS requires amazing skill even if you didn’t know you had it. You are doing all the right things. You are thinking ahead, creating a sanctuary for yourself in your parents house so you won’t have to pay rent and facing all the scary stuff we have all gone through early in our diagnosis. I don’t know if reading about resiliency is the answer but human beings are amazingly resilient. We grow towards the sunlight like a plant in a dark box with only a tiny hole at the top.

Get lots of rest, take it slow. The MS isn’t going anywhere. I have coped by living my life like I am on top of scaffolding 1000ft in the air. Your scaffolding is a little lower to the ground now but every step you take is an Olympic event. (At least it is for me now).

I have found a lot of comfort in the fact that we have all this technology now that can do the walking for us, do the talking for us, puts us on par with the rest of the world. This disease robs us of almost everything that our culture measures us by. But it can’t rob us of our spirit, our soul and our intellect.

Just sit back and enjoy the ride until you can find things that give you pleasure.

[Ant1981]

Change

Ant,

You sound like an awesome guy. Working construction with MS requires amazing skill even if you didn’t know you had it. You are doing all the right things. You are thinking ahead, creating a sanctuary for yourself in your parents house so you won’t have to pay rent and facing all the scary stuff we have all gone through early in our diagnosis. I don’t know if reading about resiliency is the answer but human beings are amazingly resilient. We grow towards the sunlight like a plant in a dark box with only a tiny hole at the top.

Get lots of rest, take it slow. The MS isn’t going anywhere. I have coped by living my life like I am on top of scaffolding 1000ft in the air. Your scaffolding is a little lower to the ground now but every step you take is an Olympic event. (At least it is for me now).

I have found a lot of comfort in the fact that we have all this technology now that can do the walking for us, do the talking for us, puts us on par with the rest of the world. This disease robs us of almost everything that our culture measures us by. But it can’t rob us of our spirit, our soul and our intellect.

Just sit back and enjoy the ride until you can find things that give you pleasure.

im at the point where my recovery went so well I really have no sx or anything is holding me back, besides the uncomfortable feeling I get on scaffolding now. So I got tired of my construction job and wanted to get out regardless. I put myself in school now and after much deliberation I found a course stream I’m really interested in.

justice studies: specializing in at risk youth. I’d love to mentor, integrate and help young people get the most out of their lives. I made mistakes when I was young and been through a lot this past year, I have much to offer in my experiences and hope to inspire and generation of youth to reach their full potential.
i think it will be a very rewarding career.

i would enjoy a job that’s not physically demanding quite a bit.

And live a less less stressful life.

[Mamabug]

...

justice studies: specializing in at risk youth. I’d love to mentor, integrate and help young people get the most out of their lives. I made mistakes when I was young and been through a lot this past year, I have much to offer in my experiences and hope to inspire and generation of youth to reach their full potential.
i think it will be a very rewarding career.

Good for you, Ant! I was a social worker in my "former life". Since I "retired", I did a lot of volunteering, mostly in the social service and early childhood fields. I do quite a bit less volunteering, in recent years.

But, yes -- I expect that it will be a very rewarding career. It might not always, however, be less stressful.