An update

[Daisycat]

I’ve considered counseling but honestly someone without this curse isn’t going to understand the endless misery I feel. Sometimes I think no one understands. My bf seems to think all is ok because there was no new issues. .

He just doesn’t get it and the more I see that the more i think I really do need to be alone because he has this idea that If I ever do get to the nightmare I envision we will find a way to deal. I promise I already have my backup plan set up. Hopefully I’ll never need it but if I get to that point I’m going to be in control not this curse. .

I can’t be responsible for one of my own animals suffering. I see enough sad crap at work. I don’t need more with my own animals. Still haven’t gotten over when my favorite patient was attacked by a big dog (big dogs owner did not have her under control) I still have her picture and card from her owner on my fridge. Made the mistake of reading the card last night again. This was a bad week to do that. But that reminded me I don’t want anything to happen to my dog or cats because I’m not able to care for them. (What happened was in no way the owner of my favorite patients fault) but it reminded me what can happen even when someone is normal. I don’t want to have my mind go so far I forget to feed my cats for a week. .

But again as for counseling I’m at the point to where I’ve accepted my life will never be better. I’ll never be happy and I just want to make it as long as possible without losing my ability to decide what happens to me. A counselor won’t get that. Honestly I feel like half the people here don’t either.

[Mamabug]

But again as for counseling I’m at the point to where I’ve accepted my life will never be better. I’ll never be happy and I just want to make it as long as possible without losing my ability to decide what happens to me. A counselor won’t get that. Honestly I feel like half the people here don’t either.

Perhaps you are taking some small, initial steps towards acceptance. I no longer hear you wishing for your diagnosis and illness to magically go away and be replaced by a simpler explanation. You have begun to accept that your life has changed. It will be another step when you recognize that your life has changed, not ended.

Nobody, ever, totally understands how another person feels. That is not possible. We all react to circumstances in our own individual ways. Expecting some else to understand how you feel is too much to ask. Of us. Of your boyfriend. Of a counselor.

All you can hope for is that we will all try. And that we will hopefully empathize. And that we will be kind and have your best interests at heart.

A counselor won't understand you completely. That is too much to expect.

But, a good counselor will care anyways, even without understanding completely.

And a good counselor can help you process your losses and your grief. A good counselor can help you form a vision for how to help create a happy future for yourself instead of wallowing in "endless misery", morbid-sounding "back up plans", and the choice to "accept" that you will never be happy.

And, your boyfriend can care, even without understanding completely. And he can help the two of you find a way to deal with whatever your future throws at you.

If you don't push him away.

Consider starting your gratitude journal today. Write "I have a boyfriend who loves me" as your first entry.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

[Daisycat]

I plan to work at my job and work on my bucket list for now. The day the find progression is when I’ll have to decide how long I’ll risk it before I could be to far gone to be able to do my plan. .

And I’m accepting I’m probably going to have to leave my bf. He said something yesterday that made me realize we see the future very different. I was talking about my worthless neurologist (won’t bore you with the details) he said if it does progress to xyz point we will deal. I promise him my defention and his are very different. I owe it to him to let him find someone who can give him a future. We have a week off together soon so I’ll decide then. .

And my “back up plan” isn’t me jumping off a cliff. It’s something that is 100% legal in another country. .

I just can’t be ok with this. My plan always was pay off my insane student loans in 4 years (lazy life choices)... , be working at my dream job in 2, save up enough money to retire at 50-55 at the latest. Open my animal sanctuary in Washington and retire. .

Now I’m working on my bucket list since all of those things are things that only hurt me if it goes wrong or happens. (My piercing (one of 5) tomorrow is supposed to be the second most painful ear piercing so see that goal only hurts me. My dog loses the charity races I’m the only one sad, I loss at the evil app Game HQ I just cry because I only didn’t know one question, skydiving goes wrong... well I didn’t hurt anyone . And yes my bucket list goes from winning a trivia game show, to piercings, to jumping out of a plane. It has 38 things I had to have some weird thing. .

My point is my old goals could hurt a leaving animal, someone’s pet.... I see enough sadness at my job I don’t need to be the cause of it. I do love some things about my job... it’s just not my dream job. BUT.... the place I work at has better hours at least. I guess that’s one good thing. .

And I know my bf loves me... I love him and that’s why I want to give him the chance to find someone to grow old with not someone to have to take care off and change my diapers. (Going off worst case). .

And some people will no matter what never be happy. I was “friends” (neighbors whoses parents forced us to hang out). Well this woman had some truly awful stuff happen and she did what I think at least 25% of people would have done. Well her husband left her, took her kids (heard he told them she died - they were both young), she has no family left. She gets out of prison in 8 years. How is she supposed to be happy with the unjust crap that happened to her? Point is some people just aren’t meant to be happy. .

And I know my example isn’t the same as this curse but it’s the only one I can think off.


** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[Ant1981]

Hapiness

Honestly speaking here.. since I got dx with this “curse” last September it’s been one year.... I’ve never been happier in my entire life. Left a dead end construction job that I grew to hate and back in school learning something I love to do. Got rid of a toxic relationship and found a real sweetheart now and my MS doesn’t chg any of that. A true blessing in disguise.

Excersize and diet diet are two things you can control the disease... even can stop progressio. I excersize (running, weight lifting, cycling) and feel just fantastic!

Dont lose hope! Your gonna be fine.

[Daisycat]

Ant we got diagnosed pretty much the same time. (Today is my one year). This has been the worst year of my life. I realized I’ll never make it where I want to be professionally, lost my closest friend at work that knew about this ( so now I have no one to talk to ). My practice manager knows but that is mostly so she can understand why I might ask for random weeks off (like this week) or ask not to have to “people” for a few days. I am not close enough with her where I can talk to her about it though.


I can’t talk to my boyfriend because it just depresses me that we see the future so different. My best friend says “Well my aunt had NDD and she only needed a cane after 15 years – THAT was not helpful) , My mom just tells me to give my life to god… So basically everyone who knows is either no longer there for me or is not helpful.


I am trying to work out most days. Some days I just can’t after I am already at 14000 steps just from work. I am working on my diet , but I just can’t give up my morning starbucks… I need my coffee to deal with people since I am not a morning person.


I am glad you are doing so well and everything is working out for you.

[Mamabug]

Yes; I am glad, too, Ant, that you are doing well and that you have a positive outlook. Negativity can become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Conversely, hope for the future can be an effective placebo with "real" benefits for your health even though a healthy attitude is not traditional medicine.

My life, although I've experienced changes and losses, has also been filled with blessings and positive experiences since my MS began in 2002.