My girlfriend has MS.. we say we're 3 months away from combining our families and moving in. Which should feel great and help us both out financially.
I have a hard time with "spoons". A common cycle--we have an absolutely wonderful week and weekend--and then she's almost non-communicative for days. When I call her on that--and only then--she'll reveal she's in pain with low spoons. Terrible and great days both take spoons. She says admitting she's not 100% and low on spoons also takes spoons. The semi-silences make me feel a bit anxious, but more I feel like I have a sometimes best friend.
This week I came to her place feeling sick. Her legs ached--due to MS and other things--so I gave them a deep rub. It felt funny not being fussed over when I was sick, but snuggling up and making her feel better felt good. When I asked, she came with me to the store to buy medicine.
The following day it gets strange. I texted her 4-6x including a couple hints I wasn't better. I got 2 replies, only one wishing "Hopefully you feel better." With previous girlfriends I'd get calls, asked how I am, offers to help, or online ordering of dinner.
I texted, "<name>, when I'm not feeling well, I like it when my partner checks in on me." Which she took as a complaint that she failed to meet my needs yet again. She used the word "burden". She worries about becoming a burden.
I don't have family to turn to. I dropped the 2-3 close female friends I had because our relationships were "flirty" when I realized this lady was my soulmate. My remaining friends I don't talk to about this, because she's met them and she's a private person, especially about symptoms. She wouldn't want them to know about these issues.
Moving in would make some things easier. Not everything. After all, she has an ex-husband because of fatigue. And a chronic progressive disease could progress.
Am I crazy to be moving in? The SMART thing would seem to be finding a partner who can give in equal measure to what they receive. But I love her. She's uniquely strong, adventurous, and determined. When she has spoons, or when I can lend some, we're so happy. Our Facebook feeds are full of all our exploits.
Is your partner your best friend? How do you get your needs met when their spoons are low? Who do you talk to about MS challenges and unmet needs?
I have a hard time with "spoons". A common cycle--we have an absolutely wonderful week and weekend--and then she's almost non-communicative for days. When I call her on that--and only then--she'll reveal she's in pain with low spoons. Terrible and great days both take spoons. She says admitting she's not 100% and low on spoons also takes spoons. The semi-silences make me feel a bit anxious, but more I feel like I have a sometimes best friend.
This week I came to her place feeling sick. Her legs ached--due to MS and other things--so I gave them a deep rub. It felt funny not being fussed over when I was sick, but snuggling up and making her feel better felt good. When I asked, she came with me to the store to buy medicine.
The following day it gets strange. I texted her 4-6x including a couple hints I wasn't better. I got 2 replies, only one wishing "Hopefully you feel better." With previous girlfriends I'd get calls, asked how I am, offers to help, or online ordering of dinner.
I texted, "<name>, when I'm not feeling well, I like it when my partner checks in on me." Which she took as a complaint that she failed to meet my needs yet again. She used the word "burden". She worries about becoming a burden.
I don't have family to turn to. I dropped the 2-3 close female friends I had because our relationships were "flirty" when I realized this lady was my soulmate. My remaining friends I don't talk to about this, because she's met them and she's a private person, especially about symptoms. She wouldn't want them to know about these issues.
Moving in would make some things easier. Not everything. After all, she has an ex-husband because of fatigue. And a chronic progressive disease could progress.
Am I crazy to be moving in? The SMART thing would seem to be finding a partner who can give in equal measure to what they receive. But I love her. She's uniquely strong, adventurous, and determined. When she has spoons, or when I can lend some, we're so happy. Our Facebook feeds are full of all our exploits.
Is your partner your best friend? How do you get your needs met when their spoons are low? Who do you talk to about MS challenges and unmet needs?
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