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The Art of Letting Go....

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    The Art of Letting Go....

    I have always been a take charge kind of person - not necessarily a control freak or anything - but one who does what's necessary when large family functions arise. Shopping and planning meals, cooking ahead, arranging family entertainment, etc. and enjoying it.

    Well, my son, dil and 2 yr old granddaughter are here from Argentina. We only see them once a year and everyone wants to be here to celebrate their return. We have a large familywith adult children and grands. For once, I simply cannot be the take charge person and have decided to take a back seat. Maybe it wasn't my decision as evveryone has taken over the hostess role.

    My house looks like a cyclone with toddler toys all over. The kitchen? oy vey! Nothing is in it's place and is in constant activity from breakfast, snack time, lunch and dinner. Dinner with anywhere from 7 to 11 or more.

    This is such a first for me to simply let go.... and I've surprised myself by being comfortable with it and actually loving it. It lifted a weight off my shoulders worrying if there is enough to eat (there is!), clean enough ( not really but no one else cares, so why should I), and finding fun things to do for all. (this is a big one for me - sometimes jsut being together is enough fun) We don;t always have to be doing anything!

    Now, I sit back watching all the buzz around me and play on the floor with all the grandkids. The rest do the cleaning and cooking and whatever. Isn;t that what grandma's are supposed to do anyway?

    I wonder if anyone else has come to the realization that simply being is good enough than having to be in the middle of all the doing?
    1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
    Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

    #2
    Originally posted by Seasha View Post
    ...
    This is such a first for me to simply let go.... and I've surprised myself by being comfortable with it and actually loving it. It lifted a weight off my shoulders ...
    Now, I sit back watching all the buzz around me and play on the floor with all the grandkids. The rest do the cleaning and cooking and whatever. Isn;t that what grandma's are supposed to do anyway?

    I wonder if anyone else has come to the realization that simply being is good enough than having to be in the middle of all the doing?
    I love your post! Yup; that's what grandmothers are supposed to do. Just being is what your grandkids will remember you and love you for.
    ~ Faith
    MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
    (now a Mimibug)

    Symptoms began in JAN02
    - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
    - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
    .

    - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
    - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

    Comment


      #3
      It sounds wonderful. Your kids and grandkids won't talk about how clean your house is, but will remember the laughter and time spent together.

      Enjoy your family time. You have earned it.
      Kathy
      DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

      Comment


        #4
        Seasha,

        I'm not even a parent, but old enough to be a grandparent and still very much appreciate your post. Observing parents and grandparents has always been an education for me.

        Too often, from my viewpoint, their need (?) too make things "just so," appears to rob the joy of the moment from them (there will be memories though). I know it is just an opinion and my chances of being wrong are as high as being right.

        The ability... the "letting go" you have been given can be credited to age (fruit taste best just when it's season is ending) or maybe even to MS.... possibly affliction becomes blessing? I'm beginning to see this more often, trying to nurture it actually.

        Thanks again for such a hopefully post!

        J

        Comment


          #5
          Oh Seasha what a beautiful post

          Yes i came to your conclusion a while ago and spend time just watching movies or talking with my grown children. I even guilt them into keeping me company at my Ty treatments and we play cards or scrabble etc. They are now enjoying this too
          I feel closer to them now than i have since they were very small.
          Even though i have always loved them to bits,for a long while there my kids were just more work.
          This was my fault because i'm one of those that has to have things 'just so'.
          And i had no energy left to enjoy.
          Of course nothing is ever perfect but i feel more CONTENT now.
          Thanks for sharing
          Caroline

          Comment


            #6
            Chiming in with the same reaction as the others: this was such a joy to read I loved it.

            There's so much to be thankful for, and a lot to be said about the peace and enjoyment that comes with just letting go. Admittedly, I'm not always 100% there in every situation, but I've come so far.

            Thanks for sharing!

            Not officially diagnosed due to non-MS-specific spots on MRIs, but the neurologists all agree it's MS.
            Frustrated. January 2019: finally saw an MS specialist worth seeing. Maybe we'll get to the bottom of this.
            EDSS of 5.5, sometimes 6.0

            Comment


              #7
              A beautiful post. And yes...that is exactly what Grandmas are suppose to do. 🌷🌷🌷
              Katie
              "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
              "My MS is a Journey for One."
              Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

              Comment


                #8
                I had forgotten that I wrote this! Now it's two years later in the midst of the Pandemic and oh! how I would love to have all our kids and grandchildren here making messes - numerous meals, dirty dishes, toys all over the place and all the fun commotion of having family around.

                Now it looks like I'm having to remind myself of the art of letting go in a different way. Letting go of being surrounded by all my loved one all together. Letting go of hugs, snuggles and kisses in order to keep us all safe. Letting go of thinking this will be over sooner than later.

                I really hate this covid crises.

                But I am enjoying the Zoom meetings, the video phone calls, the distancing, masking get-togethers (a few family members at a time). I am a touchy-feely mom and grandma and I'm trying to let this go too in hopes that things will get better and return to normalcy.
                1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
                Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hi Seasha.

                  I hear you. While no kids or grandkids, large extended family close by. When I think back to times where it felt like a burden to go to or host another family function, I cringe. What I wouldn't give to have a noisy get together filled with hugs kisses, and laughs. I won't take them for granted anymore.

                  I do feel for all the grandparents and grandkids out there. I know we have a few babies and toddlers who are used to only their parents holding them.

                  Hoping for everyone's sake that with a successful vaccine, we can look back and smile, as we can see all the beautiful faces and smiles behind the masks. Until then, zoom away and enjoy the small socially distanced masked get togethers!
                  Kathy
                  DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Seasha View Post


                    Now it looks like I'm having to remind myself of the art of letting go in a different way. Letting go of being surrounded by all my loved one all together. Letting go of hugs, snuggles and kisses in order to keep us all safe. Letting go of thinking this will be over sooner than later.

                    I really hate this covid crises.
                    I'm sorry you've had to let go of family time. We've just sort of decided to include our family in our quarantine group. We're not a large family though. Just one single son and our daughter's family of four. 💕. Our son lives with us and, because of distance, we don't see our daughter frequently.

                    My heart goes out to you. ((Hugs))
                    ~ Faith
                    MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                    (now a Mimibug)

                    Symptoms began in JAN02
                    - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                    - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                    .

                    - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                    - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Thanks Mamabug and Pennstater. I guess what's at the heart of the matter, along with letting go of family time, the hugs and kisses, is learning to let go of my own expectations due to my declining abilities living with MS.

                      This Pandemic period has heightened my awareness of the sorrow (loss of family time combined with loss of my abilities) that I'm feeling right now and it's difficult and challenging.

                      Yet, I know that I should be grateful for all my blessings - and I am! It's still challenging nonetheless and I'm feeling sad and pensive.

                      Can any of you relate?
                      1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
                      Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Seasha View Post
                        I guess what's at the heart of the matter...is learning to let go of my own expectations due to my declining abilities living with MS....It's still challenging nonetheless and I'm feeling sad and pensive.Can any of you relate?

                        I think I can Seasha.

                        I have no family and am older, this leaves any expectation of what remains in the future at the mercy of my declining abilities. It can if I let it.

                        I am pensive but I am not sad, I chose the life I received. No one chooses MS, or any other horror. I will choose to continue with remembering my blessings and working on my shortcomings.

                        For all I know the example I provide in living life may be the reason another's life is lived better..

                        Nothing to be sad about.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Wow..all these posts hit home . I used to run a business, take care of family when young and then teenagers and was the person who handled "it all". My how times have changed, cooking an easy dinner for 2 is a chore. For family dinners we go out carefully (because of rotten covid) or to my daughters.
                          My son, who lives in San Diego, (me in CO) I don't know when I'll see/be with him next
                          I have tried to live by the Serenity Prayer.. getting a bit tougher.
                          Thanks for "listening".. I don't voice this to others.
                          Linda
                          Linda

                          Comment


                            #14
                            This is so appropriate for these times. I have had to accept the losses that come with MS one loss at a time. I have not yet lost my independence but that is the loss I am fighting with everything I can muster to hang onto it.

                            It’s hard to have to depend on others to do things for me but as long as I am in charge of my personal care I can keep my dignity.

                            The losses I have experienced with MS coincide with losses that are happening in this country and the world.

                            We worked so hard to be a woman in the workplace. The terror of getting pregnant. The insidious “jokes” that were laced with profanity. Woman belong in the kitchen. It’s a mans world where the good ol’ boys are in control. Diary of a Mad Housewife...the list goes on. Once women lose the ability to control their reproductive role it will happen fast. I pray for our world. I pray that dehumanizing people never happen again.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I fully relate to the sense of loss. Living with ms requires us to adjust to loss of ability on a regular basis. Now throw in the losses that Covid has forced on us and it can be hard to keep your chin up. I have walking challenges and I wonder how much worse I will be when this is behind us. I feel like I am missing out on experiences that I may never have again.

                              Paula

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