I feel so self conscious

[kittysmith]

Does anyone else ramble or go off on a tangent to hide the fact that they can't remember what they were talking about?

I find myself in the middle of a conversation and completely forget what my point was or even the subject. I know I annoy people at my job. My husband, my therapist, my friends try to be patient, but I know I drive them crazy, too.

Last night, I was talking to my mother. She is a narcissist and thinks nothing of hurting me. She said, mid conversation, "I just can't talk to you. You go off on all these tangents and I can't understand what you are talking about". So, I ended the conversation.

I used to enjoy talking to people. I wish I never had to open my mouth again. I feel embarrassed and humiliated. This is not who I used to be. This is not who I want to be.

[ppmsichshize]

All The Time

yep. your not alone,

I seem to always drift away from the point when it comes to communicating with others. Its annoying. G.D. cog fog!!!!

I just don't talk as much as I used to. My wife and kids get it, They are patient with me. However sometimes the look on other peoples faces tells a lot when I drift off course or stumble to put words together. When I do see that expression on a persons face whom I'm speaking too, I instantly find myself wanting to finish the conversation with a Jimmy Valmer (southpark) imitation, and then walk away from them.

Spare yourself, If your mother cant get it....wow that blows!

Just saying...your not alone

God Bless

Rob

[kittysmith]

Thank you

Thanks so much for your reply, Rob. I know at least one person out there who has the same issuesI appreciate your message.

[Carolinemf]

Hi,
Theres definitely more than one person who can identify with this.
Not sure whether this should be a comfort or not???
My kids and hubby are slowly getting more adept at comunicating with me , its a skill they have had to learn and i know my sister is trying .
But this means that these are the only people i feel comfortable comunicating with. So i live like a hermit because i hate the embarrassment of talking to others.
My hubby tries to help by 'reminding' me that i am 'talking over ' people in conversations and they don't like it. i realise all this but am so aware that its an either or thing. Be percieved as rude and keep track of what i'm talking about or let others in and completely loose track of my thoughts and look foolish and incompetent.
its easier to just not deal with other humans. Animals are more forgiving (of every thing) so i spend time with them.
Caroline

[oceanpride]

There’s an old saying that I try to pay attention to.
“Better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool , than to speak up and remove all doubt”

[VikingKitty]

Hello Kitty,

I don't have the problem of forgetting what I'm talking about but I have other communication issues such as forgetting the words I'm looking for so there is a delay in my speaking which consequentially causes loads of interruptions to my frustration. By the time I can remember what words I'm looking for, the conversation ends up getting taken another direction by the other person.... very very frustrating!!!!


And I'm very sorry to hear about your mother having no issue with hurting you because of her narcissism. That hurt when I read it because I have the same problem. My mother finds all sorts of ways to hurt me. I truly feel your pain. It's a pain like no other. Maybe limit your exposure to her if you can?

[Cat Mom]

[QUOTE=“Better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool , than to speak up and remove all doubt”[/QUOTE]

Love this!!!!

[rdmc]

Hi,

My kids and hubby are slowly getting more adept at comunicating with me , its a skill they have had to learn and i know my sister is trying .

My husband and sister are wonderful interpreters for me. Word loss...they fill in the blank,
wandering off subject and they interject something to get me back on track. Once when I
was hospitalized because my speech and writing were so jumbled (they wanted to make sure
it wasn't a stroke), I'd be asked a question, then I'd look at my sister or hubby, they'd answer the question, and I'd nod my head. It was so much more convenient than me having to try to communicate myself.

My son and daughter in law are patient and wait till I get out what I'm trying to say.
The amazing part...my 2 year old grandson and I have no problems communicating

[marti]

I never know what to say to people anymore. It always turns out to be the wrong thing. I skip words, get words all wrong, forget what I'm trying to say and stumble over myself trying to make conversation. But for me, it's ok. I prefer to be left alone and keep my visits very short.

Sorry about your Mom. One day she will be very sorry she treated you like that.

[Carolinemf]

Hi again Kittysmith,
Its been a few days since you posted and i was wondering if you had spoken to your Mom yet?
I know you indicated that she was often hurtful to you. And i'm very sorry if she is really not a pleasant person to be the daughter of.
The reason that i am posting now is that the comment she made sounds very like one that indicates she was trying to discuss something of concern to her and may have been upset because she felt she hadn't been 'heard ' by you maybe?
i have experienced this type of situation and haven't realised till later and lost a good friend because of it.
Hope you're doing well
Caroline.

[kittysmith]

Thank you all for your responses

Hi again Kittysmith,
Its been a few days since you posted and i was wondering if you had spoken to your Mom yet?
I know you indicated that she was often hurtful to you. And i'm very sorry if she is really not a pleasant person to be the daughter of.
The reason that i am posting now is that the comment she made sounds very like one that indicates she was trying to discuss something of concern to her and may have been upset because she felt she hadn't been 'heard ' by you maybe?
i have experienced this type of situation and haven't realised till later and lost a good friend because of it.
Hope you're doing well
Caroline.

I must admit, I haven't been paying attention to those who have replied. I hope you all can forgive me. Life's been kinda crazy lately. It's nice to see that I'm not alone.

My mother is a narcissist who abused us physically and emotionally. I'm almost 50. My brother is 58. She still treats us like dirt on the ground. Once, she said, "Why are you so tired all the time and take naps during the day"? When I tried to explain, for the umpteenth time, how fatigue is a problem with MS sufferers, she said, "Well what's your excuse for being lazy in High School". I graduated HS, got a college degree, and have been working since I graduated. I wasn't lazy.

I truly apprecate how much you all care. I'm sorry many of you are experiencing the same symptoms. It's infuriating to try to find a word or go off on a tangent.

Thanks,

Kitty

[VikingKitty]

Once, she said, "Why are you so tired all the time and take naps during the day"?

Kitty,

Next time she asks you that, tell her you're tired all the time from dealing with her BS

She may even be jealous that you went to college and she didn't (if that is the case)....do some research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder -- it has been my subject of research lately for the same reason.

[VikingKitty]

Kitty,

I was trying to be a little lighthearted in my last post, but seriously, you don't need more abuse from her - you already have to deal with MS. If you can educate yourself as much as you can on your mother's behavior and maybe even get some counselling on how to respond to her, it would be helpful. I'm in the process of that myself. You don't need her digging and needling at you. You already have a disease eating at your nerves, don't need the mother doing it too

[Carolinemf]

hi again Kitty,
Thanks for clarifying for me.
I really agree with viking Kitty.

A lot of us have experience with toxic relationships from our past (me too)and if this woman is as bad as you say (i don't feel I can judge, it is up to you) then you don't need her in your life.
Even if she is your mother.
We often put up with treatment from relatives that we would NEVER tolerate from others but even people not dealing with a chronic illness must at some point decide whether or not they want certain people in there lives .People with ms have limited reserves of energy like you said - why waste any of those precious reserves on a relationship as toxic as you describe?
Especially at your age. i'm sure there are others more deserving of your attention.
Kind thoughts,
happy to listen to rants anytime - got broad shoulders,
Caroline

[MMMMS]

I think I know the look. It's the condescending, nasty look. It's when you know the thought is, "Wow, she's a dunce. I'm so much smarter than she is." Then the walk away. But, no. You're not smarter. You're just dumb and mean. Seriously. Adults can't encounter someone with a communication issue without feeling all superior and smug? 😆