Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

When and how to disclose my condition with a date

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    When and how to disclose my condition with a date

    I went on a wonderful date, but never mentioned my MS, although at some point I have to... just to be honest and fair.

    My question is when do you guys suggest to tell my date, and how do I say it? Do I paint it in a good light? Informing her that I could live a normal life and the treatments out are very effective to possibly keep the condition from affecting me for the most part. Right now after a terrible experience at dx with multiple sx, quick dx and starting treatment right away my MS is invisible from that flare.

    The thing is I really like her and would want to live a healthy normal life and have a honest and caring relationship but don't want to scare her away.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    #2
    I would think after a few dates until you get to really know her. In talks getting to know her it can be brought up then. Definitely not on your first or even second date. You don't want her to run for the woods. I dated woman for 9 months and she left me because my MS was progressing. She was NOT the nurturing type. Lou definitely knew what she was getting herself into because she was the development director for the Northern California MS society.

    With the new drugs now you can remain free of disability. I feel the MS nut will be cracked in my lifetime.
    Rich

    Comment


      #3
      I think it should be whenever you feel comfortable. Perhaps it shouldn’t be mentioned right off the bat as in the first few dates, but whenever you’ve gotten to know each other enough to know that this person is special and someone you want to get to know even better.

      As to how you tell them.....don’t sugarcoat it or try to paint a purely pretty picture. Just be honest. What they choose to do with that information is up to them. If it’s meant to be they will stick by you no matter what. If they choose to run for the hills....then you probably don’t want someone like that in your life anyway.

      I realize it can be scary telling someone you’re interested in for the first time that you have ms. I’ve been there and understand completely. I’ve recently made the decision not to date anymore as I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. And maybe to them I wouldn’t, but I don’t want to feel that way. It’s different for everyone.

      Wishing you luck and happiness. 😊



      “Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.”
      ― Helen Keller

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by ladybug162 View Post
        As to how you tell them.....don’t sugarcoat it or try to paint a purely pretty picture. Just be honest. What they choose to do with that information is up to them. If it’s meant to be they will stick by you no matter what. If they choose to run for the hills....then you probably don’t want someone like that in your life anyway.
        This is excellent advice. No one knows what the future will bring but the truth is we have a chronic, progressive disease. I believe it is important for anyone embarking on this journey with us to be aware of what it could mean for their future.
        He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
        Anonymous

        Comment


          #5
          I also think the appropriate time is when you are comfortable that this could turn into a relationship, not just someone you are dating.

          When I told my now husband, I told him I didn't know what my future with MS was, but on meds to slow and hopefully stop progression. His response was along the lines that noone knows their future. He did pretty well, but a few months later, he did the MS Walk with me and family and friends.

          He later admitted that he almost ran then after the walk, when seeing some of the disability the disease can bring. But realized again, that for all anyone knew, he could have an accident or a stroke before any MS progression occurred, if it did.

          Now 9.5 years later, married almost 7. So good people are out there. I just don't think you want to scare someone away before they have the chance to get to know you and feel a relationship is worth the risk.

          Glad to hear you are out socializing!
          Kathy
          DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

          Comment


            #6
            On the fourth date I would say, "you know, it's not the case now, but there could be some great parking spots in our future."

            Comment


              #7
              You will know when you feel this is a potential person for a long term relationship. If they can’t handle it you are better off without them anyway. In fact, something could happen to anyone at anytime. Any one of us could be in a tragic accident that makes our life much more difficult than what MS can bring on. My thought is to go with your gut and only disclosed when the time feels right...listen to your intuition, as that if you believe in God, I think that it is Him talking to you. Hang in there...you WILL find the right person at the right time!

              Comment


                #8
                There's an emotional toll when sharing your personal information so I would certainly not lead with it.
                It would be different if you were obviously disabled, but if you can pull off normal than do so.

                As things progress, find time before emotions get too entangled. No need to over think it.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Normal

                  Originally posted by Marco View Post
                  There's an emotional toll when sharing your personal information so I would certainly not lead with it.
                  It would be different if you were obviously disabled, but if you can pull off normal than do so.

                  As things progress, find time before emotions get too entangled. No need to over think it.
                  im pretty much back to my old self (%95) so I can pull it off, thx for your feedback. I'm gonna just keep it to myself until some emotions and feelings grow for eachother.

                  When you say progress does everyone progress to have visible disabilities?

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Ant1981 View Post
                    im pretty much back to my old self (%95) so I can pull it off, thx for your feedback. I'm gonna just keep it to myself until some emotions and feelings grow for eachother.

                    When you say progress does everyone progress to have visible disabilities?
                    When you do tell do not make it look serious,hey i have ms i only take medicine every 6 months,thanks God i am fine

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Medina89 View Post
                      When you do tell do not make it look serious,hey i have ms i only take medicine every 6 months,thanks God i am fine
                      I'm not sure I understand. Do NOT make it look serious? Unfortunately it is serious and those in our lives, especially those who aren't stuck with us already, deserve the truth, imo.

                      The truth is we don't know how things are going to play out but we have a chronic, progressive disease with the potential to be devastating.
                      He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                      Anonymous

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Jules A View Post
                        I'm not sure I understand. Do NOT make it look serious? Unfortunately it is serious and those in our lives, especially those who aren't stuck with us already, deserve the truth, imo.

                        The truth is we don't know how things are going to play out but we have a chronic, progressive disease with the potential to be devastating.

                        Yes it is of course serious but my point is people often think about MS way more serious than it deserves today.Actually few days ago i read about a woman who went thourgh stem cell therapy 15 years ago,and ever since then nothing of ms....she had the kind of ms that would end up devestating,.I think today it is much harder to end up devestating because we have so many more options.I just think people should see ms as it is,its not as it was 20 years ago,not even 10
                        not saying it will get better if you have progressive ms,althought they try hard to find osmething for it as well,,,but people with rrms do not go towards the same future as people diagnosed 30 years ago.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Medina89 View Post
                          but people with rrms do not go towards the same future as people diagnosed 30 years ago.
                          Really? Please explain.
                          Diagnosed 1984
                          “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by SNOOPY View Post
                            Really? Please explain.

                            maybe because you had not many options 30 years ago,you either had luck your ms was nice,or bad luck and a "***** ms".Today its not like that

                            or so the doctors tell me to make me feel better,but i feel its not in the hands of MS anymore not as much as before at least,because we can do much ....thats why i took the example of the woman who had a bad case of ms,and would be either dead or in a institution with no functions by now, if it was not for the stemcell.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I think this is getting too far,i was just trying to say people should learn more ,its not going to really make it easier if you say "yes i might end up severly disabled" to your date,yes you may,,,but most probably you wont,so why bring it up? its not like she wont be able to find out about anything she wants to if she decides to stay.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X