Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

no understanding

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    no understanding

    I have RRMS and my husband has SPMS. I have always been the type to never give up and press on, knowing that is the only reason that after 27 years I am still RR. My husband on the other hand is the opposite. When we married he was walking w/ a cane but is now in a wheelchair. For the past year he has been falling way too much and always thinks that I can help him. He is much bigger than me and we have some patient lifts but out of frustration when talking to me he raises his voice and says things that I do not need to hear which in turn just tears me up emotionally and makes me feel so small.

    Needless to say I have had to call 911 many times for help. I can not convince him that he needs physical therapy. For that matter nobody can. I have even had to tell him that though I do not want to do this but he may have to go in the nursing home for a few weeks for rehab and he said if you put me in a nursing home you better just leave me there. I told him that you will be the most miserable man too. We have been married for 16 years and this has been the hardest thing to go through. I love him but then at other times, I feel like he is not the man that I married. Thank you for letting me get this off of my chest. I just wish there was an easy fix but I don't see it at all.

    #2
    Sometimes, those closest to us are the voices we tune out if the message is one we don't want to hear, until we are ready to deal with it.

    Is his doctor aware of the number of falls? Has your husband's doctor told him he needs PT and actually written the script for it? If not, discuss with his neuro. With SPMS, PT may or may not help. If his doc feels it will help, then maybe a rehab facility would be best. Even occupational therapy to reinforce transfer techniques. Can you get his doc to talk this through with him?

    Is your husband suffering with depression? If so, it maybe hard to get him to anything until this is being managed.

    I can only imagine how stressful and scary it is when he falls for both of you.

    I think it is great that you are still RRMS and can push thru. There are people who have lived a healthy life, were active, and still progressed to SPMS despite their efforts. Our disease course is so variable. You are wise to control what you can. I would just caution that people don't get to SPMS because they didn't try. If your husband feels he did try and the message he may hear from you, whether intentional or unintentional, is that he didn't and caused his own progression, it has to cause tension.
    Kathy
    DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

    Comment


      #3
      I in no way was putting my husband down. I know that things are very hard and frustrating to him. I guess I just wish that he would want to get himself some help (in turn actually helping us both). I am very thankful to God that I have stayed RR but aware that could change at any minute. Thank u for yor reply.

      Comment


        #4
        When I read your post my heart went out to you and your husband. I can't imagine how hard it is for both of you. Sometimes it takes someone other than the spouse to help someone understand.
        I agree with pennstater about talking with his neuro. PT may can help.

        Do you have a church pastor or a therapist you can turn to.

        I will pray for both of you and I hope your days get brighter soon.
        God Bless Us All

        Comment


          #5
          Great though on a pastor. Sometimes we need to hear difficult things from someone we perceive to be objective. It may be your husband needs to hear it from outside your home.

          I wish you good luck. I hope if he does reach out for help he is able to see rewards from his hard work.
          Kathy
          DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

          Comment


            #6
            I am so sorry to read about your problems, I myself fall occasionally and I tell my family to just leave me and ring the ambulance if I cant get up.

            MS tears families apart, one of my daughters doesn't visit often as she doesn't like to see me the way I am now.

            I get very cranky and I tell my family im not cranky with them just myself even though it looks like I am cranky with them Craig

            Comment


              #7
              I wanted to bring up to those of you that responded on my post. After filling out an application for "Homecare Assistance Grant" through the MS Foundation, I found out today that we are going to be getting some help. Thank you to all that have prayed and been concerned!


              Originally posted by pennstater View Post
              Sometimes, those closest to us are the voices we tune out if the message is one we don't want to hear, until we are ready to deal with it.

              Is his doctor aware of the number of falls? Has your husband's doctor told him he needs PT and actually written the script for it? If not, discuss with his neuro. With SPMS, PT may or may not help. If his doc feels it will help, then maybe a rehab facility would be best. Even occupational therapy to reinforce transfer techniques. Can you get his doc to talk this through with him?

              Is your husband suffering with depression? If so, it maybe hard to get him to anything until this is being managed.

              I can only imagine how stressful and scary it is when he falls for both of you.

              I think it is great that you are still RRMS and can push thru. There are people who have lived a healthy life, were active, and still progressed to SPMS despite their efforts. Our disease course is so variable. You are wise to control what you can. I would just caution that people don't get to SPMS because they didn't try. If your husband feels he did try and the message he may hear from you, whether intentional or unintentional, is that he didn't and caused his own progression, it has to cause tension.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by CPGONE View Post
                I wanted to bring up to those of you that responded on my post. After filling out an application for "Homecare Assistance Grant" through the MS Foundation, I found out today that we are going to be getting some help. Thank you to all that have prayed and been concerned!
                Thank you so much for the update. I am so glad that you will be getting some much needed and deserved help. I hope this assistance helps relieve some of the stress you both face. Also hope you continue to do well.
                Kathy
                DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

                Comment

                Working...
                X