Dh wants to go on vacation without me

[Ulli66]

I have been married for over 30 years. Had MS for over 20 of those years.

My MS has been getting worse the last year or so. I can't walk anymore without using the help of a rollator or a wheel chair.

My dh is very supportive, but all of the sudden he tells me he needs to get away for a few days

I don't know how to deal with that.

I was wondering, if any of you guys, could help me deal with that news.

Thanks

[ClearBlueSky]

Don't know what to tell you, but I do know that care-givers need to get away and recharge.

[Marco]

My wife is my caregiver and does so without grumbling or complaining. As such, she deals with the frustrations and pains of MS on a daily basis.

Last year, she went to China for 2 weeks and it was awesome for her.

Each situation is different, but I hope my wife gets even more wonderful travel opportunities.

[marti]

Personally I think separate vacations are a good idea for some. I'm in the opposite position from yours. I do have MS... long time. But I am a 24/7 caregiver to my husband.

I would love to have a day off! I wouldn't go on vacation, but I really need a few hours away from him. I can go to the store and leave him alone for awhile, but I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him for very long. But in my mind, I'm far away. I know that sounds selfish and it probably is. But I am drained. I would like to be able to just get out and drive around before my body fails me. I see my independence slipping away.

Can't really give you any advice about your situation. But thought I'd give you my perspective on this issue. Hope you can come to an agreement.

[pennstater]

I have been trying to get my husband to go in a king weekend with the guys. Or when on vacation, to go with others when I am not up to it. I am still independent, just can't keep up.

I would try not to take personal. He may need to recharge. Or maybe he needs to enjoy an activity you used to do together that he feels guilty about now since you can't participate.

Have you asked him why?

[Ulli66]

Thank you for all your replys

Reading your answers got me thinking how much my dh is hurting to see MS taking away the wife I used to be.

He owns a business and I know how much he's got on his plate, but the selfish side of me forgets that sometimes. I wish I could run away from my life,too.

I shouldn't complain about him needing to recharge. Brainwise I get it, but it still hurts.

Thank you for your help,

Ulli

[rdmc]

For many years we took two vacations. One vacation was a "boy's vacation." My husband and son would go off on a wild adventure whether it be white water rafting or rock climbing, or just a rugged place to hike and camp that I didn't have the energy or ability to do, and they would have been guilty "leaving" me at a hotel or cabin while they went out and had their fun.

Last year I planned a vacation for my son, DIL, hubby, and grandson that was in the Caribbean and since we had lived there years ago, I knew the issues I'd be facing if I tried to go, so I stayed home and the dog chose to stay at home with me They had a great time, and I enjoyed watching them have a great time through FaceTime, videos, and all the photos they took. I even
enjoyed planning the trip.

At another time of the year (fall or winter) if I was feeling up to it, we could go to a family vacation where we'd stay in a scenic place, and go for drives through beautiful scenery. Many years I wasn't up to that...but that's life with MS.

So to answer your original question, and end this opus, I'd say encourage him to go. Find a friend to come in and stay with you while he's gone. Or if you have family in the area, maybe you could visit them (depending on your level of disability...I for one am so much more comfortable at my house, even if the family member I stayed with was like a second home, "there's no place like home" (as I click my ruby slippers together.)

[Jules A]

I wish this message board had a "like" button. So many thoughtful responses in this thread.

[VikingKitty]

I like the saying "focus on your potential instead of your limitations." I have it hanging in my hallway to remind me to do just that.

At least he'll only be gone a few days. My husband has done just that by going out of state to visit his brother for a few days without me. Yes, I felt a little left out but I also looked as a way of strengthening our bonds too.

And as you say "your head gets it but your heart doesn't." So you obviously do understand him needing to get away for a few days.

**Is there anything that you could do that would bring you joy for those few days that he's away? Maybe seeing a friend or family member that you haven't in awhile? Find something special to do for yourself while he's gone! No need to feel guilty if you do! I'm sure it would make him happy knowing that you are taking care of yourself while he's away He wants you to be happy too

[Cat Mom]

I'm the MSer, taking separate short trips are good for the soul. They bring us closer believe it or not!
Jen

[Tawanda]

Do you trust tour husband? I secretly have always wished that my husband would take my DD on a trip without me. Of course, if my husband decided to go by himself and not take DD (or his father) with him, that would strike me as a bit sketchy. I'm only human. I trust my husband, but I would be uncomfortable with him traveling alone. Bottom line is no matter what, I would never attach him to a ball and chain. This is supposed to be a marriage and not a prison.

[palmtree]

Even though this will be very hard for you I think it is important to let him go with your enthusiastic blessing. With the technology we have now you could be with him and enjoy the trip together via SKYPE.

What you will get back will be more than worth it. He will come back refreshed and love you more than ever for this gift you gave him.

Just make sure you have all the back up support. People to get together with and all the care you will need. He will enjoy himself more if he can leave with the peace of mind that you will be ok.