Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

C2 lesions? Panic attacks? Existential crisis? Oh my

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    C2 lesions? Panic attacks? Existential crisis? Oh my

    I'm 34, have confirmed I have a lesion on my C2 (as well as C3, C5, and C7, plus like 4-5 on my brain -- all seem to be dormant at the moment as far as we can tell). I've had symptoms from my spinal lesions for years, but previous MRI's were unable to detect them as they were too small ("possibly microscopic damage?" one neuro postulated), or too light ("shadows"). Now, it's been confirmed that yes, there are *lesions* on my spine, and yes, this is the cause of these symptoms.

    Having a lesion on my C2 spine freaks me the hell out. Having symptoms from it, that I can see and feel and have to deal with in a real tangible way, just drives it home. The symptoms aren't bad, and overall I'm actually very fortunate. But... yeah. The fear is eating at me.

    Last night, while trying to fall asleep, my mind wandered into the fear that I could stop breathing in my sleep. I woke up in a bit of an anxiety attack. Sleep over the past couple weeks, since seeing my neuro, has been getting harder and harder due to my anxieties.

    I don't know what exactly I'm asking for with this post, just feeling like I'm losing it & know that talking about it is a good thing. ..?

    Anybody with spinal lesions that can relate? Anybody with a sense of existential dread about this disease?

    Thanks,
    Sara

    #2
    I have similar "numerous" C2-C6 lesions, plus brain. I was undiagnosed for years, and only minor symptoms that came and went. Then L'Hermites, which led to my diagnosis.

    I do now have some permanent symptoms that are a constant reminder.

    I do remember in the beginning,reading so much on spinal lesion and possible sympoms/correlation and freaking out.

    I went to a therapist, a safe place for me to get all my fears out without worrying family and friends. Just talking it out was a big help.

    I eventually was able to get to that place where I realized I probably had the lesions for years and I am still here, little worse for the wear, but still breathing and living life. When the fear creeps back, I try to acknowledge it, but then get back on the mantra that noone has any guarantees in life MS or not.

    Definitely understand your feelings. The board is a great place to find support!
    Kathy
    DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

    Comment


      #3
      Hi Sara,

      Any fears I may have/had I no longer allow them into my thought process, It's one of the ways I have coped all of these years. I'm sure the majority of those with MS would understand.

      As pennstater mentioned, seeing a Therapist can help. Some things that can be helpful to reduce/minimize anxiety/panic attacks: Working with a Psychotherapist, medication for anxiety, mindful meditation/breathing, changing your thought process (a Therapist can help with this).

      I have had spinal cord lesions from the beginning.
      Diagnosed 1984
      “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic

      Comment


        #4
        Thanks

        Originally posted by pennstater View Post
        I eventually was able to get to that place where I realized I probably had the lesions for years and I am still here, little worse for the wear, but still breathing and living life. When the fear creeps back, I try to acknowledge it, but then get back on the mantra that noone has any guarantees in life MS or not.
        This is a huge help. It's true. I think I've probably had these brewing since at least ... the beginning? I mean I've been having L'Hermitte's since the beginning, even though spinal lesions weren't apparent back then. Neuro said microscopic damage was a possibility.

        No one has any guarantees in life, MS or not. That's what I keep coming back to. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, who knows?

        Thank you. I see a therapist, and while it's helpful to talk with her, she recommended I seek out others with MS to have someone to relate to. It's different hearing it from you. Helps more.

        One thing she said that did help, though, was along similar lines... she said "You have spinal lesions, yeah. You're going to have new damage from time to time, yeah. But it could be anywhere else. I just don't want you to freak out about something that might not even be happening." Like, why am I freaking out about a conclusion that doesn't exist yet? Yanno?

        Anyway. I appreciate your response, very much.

        -- Sara

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by SNOOPY View Post
          Hi Sara,

          Any fears I may have/had I no longer allow them into my thought process, It's one of the ways I have coped all of these years. I'm sure the majority of those with MS would understand.
          Yeah, I really need to work on nipping these thoughts in the bud when they start.

          Originally posted by SNOOPY View Post
          As pennstater mentioned, seeing a Therapist can help. Some things that can be helpful to reduce/minimize anxiety/panic attacks: Working with a Psychotherapist, medication for anxiety, mindful meditation/breathing, changing your thought process (a Therapist can help with this).
          My therapist has been very helpful, as well as my anti-anxiety med, and meditation. That's probably the most helpful thing -- mindfulness, making sure my negative thoughts don't sweep me away.
          Hearing these reminders, about coping mechanisms used by other MS peeps, somehow feels more validating than hearing it from my shrink. She was the one who urged me to seek out this message board, actually, and you have no idea how comforting it is to hear from other people who know what this feels like. So thank you for taking the time to respond. Much appreciated.

          -- Sara

          Comment


            #6
            Hi Sara,

            I had to laugh about your bus comment, it is exactly what my first neuro said to me. He also told be that it usually takes 2 years to really come to terms with the diagnosis. For me, pretty accurate. First year was a blur, so many emotions, up and down. Second year was similar but the ups lasted longer and longer. By the end of second year, I had reached accpetance and come to a livable truce with it. Some ups and downs since, but with it, a new hard fought acceptance and truce with help from the people here.

            It sounds like you are doing all the right things for you, therapy, education, and seeking support. I am really glad you found us and hope you can continue to find understanding and some comfort here.
            Kathy
            DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

            Comment

            Working...
            X