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What do you do when a person with a disability isn't understanding of your disability

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    What do you do when a person with a disability isn't understanding of your disability

    I don't know if I'm just naive, but I always thought that people with disabilities would be more likely to be understanding of other people with disabilities. My partner has MS, I have serious allergies. I'm deathly allergic to a large number of foods, and also have serious environmental allergies.

    I'm not totally perfect, but if he tells me something about his experience with MS, I always figure that he understands best. I don't get the same consideration.

    He constantly tells me I'm "wrong" about specific things about my allergies, gets mad at me when I won't try food I know I'm allergic to, etc. I thought of posting this on an allergy board, but a family member would be sure to see this and recognize the situation.

    We've been together for over a decade and I don't want to end things. But, it is so disheartening.

    Has anyone experienced something similar when dating someone with a different disability? If so, what did you do?

    #2
    You would think that people that have gone through similar situations would understand, but sometimes people are selfish and can only understand things that affect them.

    Write down the foods that you are allergic to and post them around the house and list them on your cell phone or calendar. He probably doesn't realize that he doing it, so if you love him give him a visual aid.

    I will pray that this is resolved soon, I can only imagine that it stings!

    or you could right him a quick note ahead of time so he won't feel that you are being childish or not adventures enough! oh brother!

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      #3
      Hi Willow,
      It does sound like he's self absorbed and possibly wallowing in his own problems a bit so he's either refusing to see or acknowledge yours or is unable to because hes emotionally insecure. How disabled is he from his ms? Is he experiencing any cognition problems that may make him struggle to recall your allergies?

      I have been married for 32 yrs so sorry i can't reply to 'dating'. Even so at times if i do mention something that's going on with me to my husband does occasionally say something dismissive or minimising and it is disheartening. But with my memory problems I some times forget his tablets or to have his dinner ready for him to go to work on night shift etc and he's probably hurt by that.

      For the last few yrs when my cog problems have been very concerning to me he was very dismissive and i kept hearing "but I do that too" (hes 5 yrs older). This was more like you are describing and there was a significant change in his attitude when he went to one of my neuro apts with me and the three of us discussed my problems in depth and the doc explained the significant atrophy that was visible on mris and suggested I start lemtrada.
      It seemed to become 'not just in my head' to him after this.
      Maybe you could try something like this to make your problems more 'real 'to him?
      Hope this helps

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Carolinemf View Post
        This was more like you are describing and there was a significant change in his attitude when he went to one of my neuro apts with me and the three of us discussed my problems in depth and the doc explained the significant atrophy that was visible on mris and suggested I start lemtrada.
        It seemed to become 'not just in my head' to him after this.
        Maybe you could try something like this to make your problems more 'real 'to him?
        Hope this helps
        Hi Willow~ sorry you are facing this problem. What Caroline suggested worked for me too. Going to the appt with my husband and hearing it from a specialist made all the difference! So, maybe when you make an appt with your allergy Dr., invite your partner to come along and hopefully he will come away with some better understanding. Take care!
        1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
        Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

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          #5
          Wow thanks so much everyone. I'm really glad I posted here - you've given me some really good ideas.

          Those who suggested the cognitive issues I think are spot on (all suggestions are great though). His cognitive issues have been getting worse, and my allergies have changed. Not a good combo. He gets frustrated when he's having cognitive difficulties.

          He's been really understanding in the past, and even sometimes now. I was also upset when I typed this. So perhaps part of what I need to do is examine the issue from the point of view of him not being able to remember my changed allergies. I like the idea of writing up a list for him of either what I can or can't eat (a list of what I can eat would probably be shorter).

          Comment


            #6
            Unrelated or the relationship issues, but related to the allergies issues: research NAET. I'm not saying it's a magical cure or anything, but I have seen this treatment do amazing things. If you have a medical plan, you can claim these treatments as acupuncture.

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