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Welp, I'm depressed.

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    Welp, I'm depressed.

    I have read that MS can cause depression but never really experienced anything other than fear, disappointment, and fatigue. I had no idea the effect depression could have on my entire life. I am being crushed by this blanket of malaise. I am not interested in anything, cannot focus on anything, don't really take pleasure in anything. I am unsatisfied with my life and myself but cannot see (or motivate myself to take) a path to feeling better. It has gotten bad enough that I am preventing myself from taking part in activities because of what feels like social anxiety or enough self-loathing that I don't want to leave the house. To top this off I am "eating my feelings" so am heavier than I've ever been. I dread summer with its small clothes and hot weather. I'm sure I am being a pretty lame mom right now and even though my education and career are both in fantastic shape I go to bed each night cataloging the ways that I fell short that day.

    I could say there are life things (ending a long and draining degree process, changing jobs, child in preteen years, no significant other, etc) happening to contribute to this but if I'm honest, it has been creeping up on me like a slow rolling fog for over a year now.

    I am honestly afraid to get on antidepressants but I am sure I am headed there. I am on a nice little cocktail of meds that has me pretty comfortable and I am loath to add something to the mix. If anyone has any suggestions for depression I welcome them. Please no "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". I am a very resilient and productive person so that is how I usually roll. It isn't working anymore.
    Newbie

    #2
    oh dear :-(

    Hi newbie,

    From my perspective, I've had depressive episodes for some time, pre dx (probably unrelated to the ms.... or maybe not!?) I have to say I resisted medication until last episode, and then I couldn't believe I'd never taken it before - so many wasted years! Medication didn't completely fix everything but it gave me back some resilience and coping skills so I could start sorting myself out. The medication was horrible to come off of though, so I'll avoid taking it again if I can - but if I'm in a really bad way again I will definitely seek treatment!

    I think you can definitely take action without medication... I've read papers that show regular walking can be as effective as some medications, and I do find exercise picks me up (ha! if I can get motivated to do it!)... also I've read some stuff that mindfulness meditation is also clinically proven to be as effective as some medications, I'm not good at it but I find the little I've learnt to be helpful to step out of any obsessive thinking patterns (as in, I realise I am starting to get anxious or replay bad stuff in my head so I do a little mindfulness thinking - kind of step away from the thoughts/feelings and pretend you are observing them happening - oh thats interesting I'm feeling bad about X...my chest is getting tight...hmmm... and then it just kind of goes away cos you're not reinforcing it) - I was surprised that it works!. Also I've tried keeping a gratefulness journal - today these good things happened.../ I am feeling grateful for..., I found that worked a bit to help me stop focusing on bad feelings.

    Sorry, I know "I read an article" is not proper journalism... just saying where I got ideas from, and how they worked for me :-)

    I hope you find something that works for you!

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      #3
      Hi newbie but goodie,

      Clinical depression, regardless of the cause, is best treated with medication and Psychotherapy. If untreated depression has the possibility of getting worse.

      Many of the DMDs have depression as a side effect, other medications can also cause depression.

      It's good that you recognize depression. Now you need to be proactive in regaining your old self. I know adding in another medication is not what is wanted, but is more than likely what is needed.

      Please no "pull yourself up by your bootstraps".
      Anyone who has dealt with depression would not say that. If someone has told you that I'm sorry. Depression isn't that easy.
      Diagnosed 1984
      “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic

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        #4
        Mental health trifecta:
        - good cognitive (cbt) therapist
        - medication
        - regular exercise

        I've been on and off meds for clinical depression since age 10-11...so 30 years? You'd never know it. Medication and therapy saved my life many times over. I take a tiny 2.5mg dose of Lexapro and 300mg of Wellbutrin.

        I no longer need talk therapy after years of sessions...I just get my scripts filled by my GP when I feel the Black Undertoe pulling me down again. I understand depression--sometimes extra help is needed. I hope you find some joy and verve soon!
        RRMS 2011, Copaxone 2011-2013, Tecfidera 2013-current

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          #5
          Depression?

          I think I have trouble differentiating between depression and fatigue. I think the two feed off each other.

          I finally made the realization that my father must have suffered from depression but in those days no one talked about things like that. He would make family life miserable. I must have inherited this tendency but it never really affected me until the MS.

          Winter is always worse especially where I live as it gets dark by 5:00. I wait for spring as I feel my spirits lift.

          I quit taking antidepressants as they didn't seem to help but have increased the amount of exercise that I do. I can feel an episode starting and I can feel it lifting regardless of what I was taking and don't like the side effects like weight gain.

          I have a great family and they are really supportive. I have had problems getting a good neuro but the family doctor is good and supports my decision.

          Depression is a constant battle but I constantly ask myself, "Is this fatigue or depression or a combination of both?" Probably both.

          Hope this helps. Keep the faith.

          Music has been my savior many times.

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            #6
            It's a struggle

            I went to a therapist because I was not coping with my MS and was feeling really, really down a lot of the time. She said I didn't need meds at this time and suggested Mindfulness Meditation. I downloaded two apps for my phone and make an effort to do it every day. It takes practice so every day is what helps it work. (It's only 10 minutes a day.) I have had improvements but it is still a struggle. I have only been doing it for 3 weeks and hope with more time my mood will improve.

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