MS Guilt and Shame

[hparks]

When I was first diagnosed I had a surprisingly upbeat attitude. "I'm sorry, but you have multiple sclerosis". My first comment, and reaction, "That's not work for me because deer season starts in a week".

Now the thing that's not going to work for me is how I feel I'm treated and how I feel about myself. I feel ashamed and guilty of having MS. I returned to school, completed my B.S. in Criminal Justice and started looking for work the very month I was diagnosed. 5 years later, I still have no job. I feel ashamed and guilty about having MS because of what it's done to my career future. It's like I went out and robbed a bank or murdered someone and now expect employment in the criminal justice field. What amplifies this feeling is being told by everyone (and every organization), "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T TELL ANYONE YOU HAVE MS!" I realize that regardless of the legality, people will skip over you for someone who is healthy. I guess this will even happen if you try to be "responsible" and only apply for jobs which won't require you to put others in the way of physical harm; such as being a beat cop versus working in the records division.

I now fully understand the feeling of guilt and shame of having MS.

[pennstater]

I am sorry you are feeling this way and after your hard work, find it difficult to find employment.

You don't say how symptomatic you are and if any disability is evident in your appearance. It is a little hard to comment further absent this knowledge, but will try. Are you comfortable sharing a little more?

Unfortunately, even with ADA law protection, in today's profit driven and litigous world we live in, employment can be a struggle. MS is nothing to be ashamed about, but may need to be hidden as long as you can. I used to try to educate some coworkers, neighbors, and even some extended famly and friends when fundraising for MS walks. I would just say it hit close to home when someone would ask if I knew anyone with MS. When I could no longer hide it and had to disclose at work, then I did reveal it was me. Once work knew, then I was open about it in all areas of my life. But prior to that, discussing and trying to educate some folks made me feel better about hiding it. Of course, family and close friends knew all along.

That being said, you do need to be able to talk to your support system about having MS. I hope you don't feel ashamed there. If you do, remind yourself you did nothing to cause the MS. You have to be at peace with that. Continue to come here and talk to people who get it...they know the feelings.

Will look forward to more info.

[hparks]

I have no problem sharing more information.

I really haven't been symptomatic since around the summer of 2014 when I started Tecfidera. No cane and very little limp or balance issues. I know that it's just a matter of time before the Tecfidera doesn't work as well, or at all, and I start being visibly symptomatic again.

I have considered applying for a probation/parole officer position since my MS isn't as bad and I'm sure I could pass the physical agility testing. I thought if I get in with the State then I'd be ok. When things got bad again I could either open up about it and/or transfer to a different less physical position. I've reached out to friends for some advice or suggestions with little luck. Luckily for me I participate in a local MS support group that meets monthly.

I need to find a website, service, lead, or company that can help; and keep my disability quite (if I tell them at all).

I wish more people in the Law Enforcement / Criminal Justice fields would reach out, offer assistance, or just talk.

Thanks for reaching out. It means the world to me.

Howard