feeling afraid

[LaurieB]

Firstly, I apologize for yet another 'Debbie Downer' post.
When I have days with this much pain in my calves and numbness in my arms, I feel afraid.

My limbs were the most important tools in my trade, other than being able to relate to the 1000 plus pound horses, each with an individual personality.
Each time I have one of these days when I am able to only lie in bed, I start asking myself if there will be permanent, irrevocable damage.
I will and beg my body to stop hurting, to regain endurance and strength. Still, those attributes evade me.
It is very distressing and I feel there is nothing more I can do to control these dang nerve pathways. I know many are suffering more than I. I know many have lost more mobility than I. I feel for all of us here and I am so sorry for each and every one of you who suffer.

If you have these same fears about losing strength and functionality, have you found a way to let go of what we can't control and remain positive and with hope?I truly pray anyone reading this had a much better day than I and in advance, I appreciate any insight.

[Echo2099]

Laurie,

First of all do not apologize. No apologies are needed here.

I think many of us have the same fears that you do. And we all try to cope in our own way.

For me that means recognizing the little victories in my life. Being able to stand on my tippy toes one more time than I could yesterday is a victory! It helps me to feel like I have a little more control over this disease.

My family, my friends, physical therapy, occupational therapy, swimming, and my neurologist, support me and help me realize the little victories. Of course there are times, that no amount of support or victory takes away my anger at this disease.

I do have other ways to vent my anger at this evil disease, and one of them involves wood, hammer and nails. My upper body strength is still good and building some little artsy thing makes me feel like I am still useful and in control. And pounding those nails in relieves some frustration! My other coping mechanism involves pop cans and a BB gun.

I hope you can find some support and relief!

[Carolinemf]

Ditto to the - no apologies needed. And it helps to pound things occasionally.

We all have bad days- when we're scared stiff at what tomorrow (let alone the distant future) holds.
It helps to just be able to say i'm scared. It also helped me to push through knowing I had to because my kids etc needed me to care for them. To me being needed was a great motivator. And although pain and exhaustion could knock me flat I got satisfaction out of achieving something and feeling normal.
Some with ms have to deal with lot's of disability but there are those that have flares and can plateau for years at a time. It helped me to deal with one day at a time.
Are the horses yours? Or is this your job? Do you enjoy it?
All the best.