Hi,
I am 26 and I was diagnosed just over 6 years ago.
It all started as a little trouble walking. A cane when needed, but not often. In 2011, it started getting worse; I would fall a lot, scuff my shoes, run into light switches, until it was a fall down a flight of stairs. Nothing was broken, my leg got caught in between the rails of the banister. It hurt, but it scared me. A lot. So I looked into the lioresal intrathecal pump. I got it in September. In December and 5 surgeries later, it was explanted. I had more troubles walking but I had a walker and my wheelchair for bad days. The next September I tried again. By August 2013 and 4 more surgeries later, it was explanted.
I haven't really left my wheelchair. Two years ago, I was walking around my house, but now usually I just sit on my 4 wheel walker and my family pushes it like it's a stroller. I fall in the shower often and my mom has to get me out and dressed before my dad or brother can come pick me up, sometimes my mom helps me get dressed without the shower drama, I cannot cut my food, though I do feed myself. On bad days, I can't stand up from my bed, or get to the bathroom myself. My bladder doesn't listen to me all the time.
I hate my life. I am terrified of the future and am unsure if I will ever be happy again. I have a wonderful family without them, I would have given up. I feel like as I am right now, I have no real value. I am a drain, on my family, on society. I have nothing to contribute. I go to a support group for people between the ages of 20 and 40 with MS, but no one can really relate to my progressed state and I feel alone in the group I have the most in common. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I am 26 and I was diagnosed just over 6 years ago.
It all started as a little trouble walking. A cane when needed, but not often. In 2011, it started getting worse; I would fall a lot, scuff my shoes, run into light switches, until it was a fall down a flight of stairs. Nothing was broken, my leg got caught in between the rails of the banister. It hurt, but it scared me. A lot. So I looked into the lioresal intrathecal pump. I got it in September. In December and 5 surgeries later, it was explanted. I had more troubles walking but I had a walker and my wheelchair for bad days. The next September I tried again. By August 2013 and 4 more surgeries later, it was explanted.
I haven't really left my wheelchair. Two years ago, I was walking around my house, but now usually I just sit on my 4 wheel walker and my family pushes it like it's a stroller. I fall in the shower often and my mom has to get me out and dressed before my dad or brother can come pick me up, sometimes my mom helps me get dressed without the shower drama, I cannot cut my food, though I do feed myself. On bad days, I can't stand up from my bed, or get to the bathroom myself. My bladder doesn't listen to me all the time.
I hate my life. I am terrified of the future and am unsure if I will ever be happy again. I have a wonderful family without them, I would have given up. I feel like as I am right now, I have no real value. I am a drain, on my family, on society. I have nothing to contribute. I go to a support group for people between the ages of 20 and 40 with MS, but no one can really relate to my progressed state and I feel alone in the group I have the most in common. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Comment