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I don't know how much more of this I can take... :(

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    I don't know how much more of this I can take... :(

    I'm a very introverted individual in general who suffers with a lot of anxiety which doesn't help with the type of work I do. Throwing MS into the mix just complicates things as I'm sure it does for all of us.

    I work in a call center (my dream job!...can't you just sense the sarcasm??!!!) scheduling appointments for a very busy hospital. I've been trying to tough it out until I could find something better. This was just a temporary fix...or at least it was supposed to be, but I have been there for over two years now as I'm finding it rather challenging to find another job.

    I'm stressed out all the time and the job is only getting more and more stressful each and every day. The position requires lots of multi-tasking which I've always struggled with, but perhaps even more so now after being diagnosed with MS or maybe I just use it as an excuse? The job is starting to take a toll on me mentally and physically. I'm tired of being yelled at all day by angry patients and angry doctors too if you screw up their schedule. I'm noticing now that my memory isn't as good as it once was and I find myself forgetting words as I'm mid sentence talking with a patient on the phone. It's really embarrassing!! I'm only 32...this should not be happening.

    Management is also getting stricter. My direct supervisor has already had a couple of conversations with me about where I stand. She's concerned with my work and notices my difficulty with multi-tasking. I've been given a few weeks to improve or i may be without a job. I had a hard time keeping it together and almost broke down and started crying in front of my supervisor. I came so close to disclosing my MS diagnosis, but something told me not to. So I didn't. We've been extra busy at work because we are drastically short staffed. So the pressure is really on those of us who are still there.

    I dread going to work everyday. I no longer enjoy my weekends because I'm too busy worrying about the upcoming week. I leave work everyday mentally exhausted and so stressed out that I give myself a migraine. I cry every night and struggle every morning to get out of the bed because I'm just so fatigued. I don't know how much more of this I can take, but at the same time I'm worried about losing my job any day now. My mom tells me I'm going to give myself a heart attack. I don't know anymore if telling my supervisor about my MS is the right or wrong thing? I'm just anxious and depressed all the time now...not sure if it's because of my job or MS or a combination of both?

    Anyway, this was just me venting.



    “Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.”
    ― Helen Keller

    #2
    I feel like there was just so much more I wanted to do with my life, but have failed miserably. I wanted so badly to become a nurse and toughed it out through nursing school. I lacked one semester from graduating with my bachelors in nursing before I flunked out as it became just too much and too stressful. So I got my degree in Psychology instead. Well of course there isn't much you can do with a Psych degree unless you go back to graduate school which I've thought about, but am afraid now that I have MS and my memory seems to be failing me that it just would not be a good idea.

    I seem to fail at every job I try and do. It's become a pattern. I can't blame the MS as I've had this problem even before I was diagnosed. I can't even do the simplest of tasks it seems and it's quite depressing. I don't know what's left for me to do or what I would be able to succeed at. It's always frightening starting a new job as you are learning new skills...skills in which you will succeed or fail at. Again...venting.



    “Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.”
    ― Helen Keller

    Comment


      #3
      Ladybug --

      You seem to be self-aware. You know what stresses you, you've changed courses from nursing, you're aware of the limitations of a bachelor's degree in psych, you know that it would be difficult now to pursue an advanced degree, etc. That self-awareness is a great first step.

      A good second step would be to take a step backwards and, ... breathe.

      Then, begin to consider other options. Your current job does not appear to be a good fit for you.

      I don't know if the stress and anxiety tended to be your personality, prior to MS, or not. But, MS can really increase those feelings and responses. It is often, in fact, part of the disability. When I fill out the annual form that I receive from my LTD provider, one of the questions asked is "What things would need to change in order for you to return to work?"

      In addition to my physical limitations and my fatigue and stamina issues, I always include "I would need to be better able to deal with anxiety and normal stressors."

      I don't have any suggested career moves for you. Maybe others here will. Or, maybe you have a trusted friend or relative that could be a sounding board and could help you to begin to look at other options that would be a better fit for you.

      I don't know enough about how MS affects you, or if there are other things that contribute to your difficulty in working. You do mention memory problems, failing at multiple jobs and having trouble with the simplest of tasks. Perhaps you are even eligible for disability. Attorneys that deal with helping you apply for disability usually give a free consultation. They may be able to assist you in assessing that.

      But, for right now. Do the second step. Stop for a minute, and breathe. You sound stressed and anxious. It's easier to make decisions if you can calm yourself.
      ~ Faith
      MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
      (now a Mimibug)

      Symptoms began in JAN02
      - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
      - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
      .

      - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
      - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by ladybug162 View Post
        ...I'm noticing now that my memory isn't as good as it once was and I find myself forgetting words as I'm mid sentence talking with a patient on the phone. It's really embarrassing!! I'm only 32...this should not be happening.

        Management is also getting stricter. My direct supervisor has already had a couple of conversations with me about where I stand. She's concerned with my work and notices my difficulty with multi-tasking. I've been given a few weeks to improve or i may be without a job....
        Anyway, this was just me venting.
        This is not just you venting. You have identified a serious risk to your livelihood, and it is NOT your imagination. You are asking for advice, and I will give you advice from someone who has been through the exact same circumstances. So please consider the following:

        There is no downside to disclosing your MS diagnosis at this time. You are already under a microscope, and if they were to terminate your employment at this time they would be be justified based on your performance.

        If, however, you made them aware of your difficulties and asked for reasonable accommodations and they failed to provide accommodations for you... well, it would complicate the issue for them if they fired you after you disclosed that have MS. In that event, an NLRB arbitrator would find the timing of your termination interesting indeed. Do you work under a contract; Are you in a labor union? If not, research the ADA and contact the EEOC for help in discussing accommodations with your employer.

        Think about what concessions would help you deal with the multi-tasking required of you in your job. There is another thread on this web site that included links to videos produced by the NMSS about the cognitive deficits many people with MS must deal with. If you watch these videos, they may give you some ideas on what your employer could do to help you with your challenges.



        Remember: just because you disclose your diagnosis to your current employer does not mean you are "marked for life." You could always find a job more suitable to your limitations and be able to apply for employment without disclosing your diagnosis to that company. If your current company disclosed your diagnosis to another entity when contacted for a reference, they would be subject to penalties under HIPPA patient confidentiality law.

        Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and don't take this lying down. No one asks for MS, and no one should accept the mentality that they have to be superhuman.

        Moderator's Note - videos are not working
        Last edited by Seasha; 06-18-2015, 10:21 AM.

        Comment


          #5
          Also, just noticed there was a suggestion here to consider applying for disability. I would discourage you from trying to apply for disability until you have a neuropsychological evaluation to identify those areas you have deficits in. You are assuming you have memory issues, but it could be a different cognitive function than memory that is affecting your recall. We are complex creatures and it takes a lot of evaluation to figure out what makes us tick...or not.

          You talk about patterns of failure: that suggests to me that possibly you have some attention span and concentration issues. You know yourself best, but it is easy to assign blame for "failure," or consider it a character flaw when in fact, that problem could be rectified by a careful study of how you operate and then a change in habits. A good neuro-psych could help you work it out.

          All you lacked was one quarter of credits till your degree in nursing? That is not a failure; it is a hiccup in an otherwise consistent track record of persistence. It sounds to me like a lack of confidence, unfortunately. What's to prevent you from going back to school and acquiring the necessary credits to transfer to a nursing degree? As you are certainly aware, nursing offers a plethora of options for specialization...education, research, clinical, sports, direct care, psychological, occupational....With the right support system, you could rise up like a phoenix out of this current climate of demoralization and find your dream job!

          Consider giving your employer a chance to help you with work accommodations, or sell them enough rope to hang themselves while you take a breather on their dime (unemployment) and get your plan of action in place. Don't take this lying down. Your intellect is NOT in question here.

          Comment


            #6
            As said above, I think a neuropsych evaluation is needed. This can help identify if/where you have some impairment. Based on results, you could work with occupational therapist on accommodations that would help you perform your work duties while also a vocation rehab specialists to help identify potential careers. It can also help identify if depression/anxiety is playing a role.

            Disclosure in itself doesn't protect your job. While it may give your employer a reason to hesitate in firing (fear of lawsuit ), if you have been warned on performance prior to disclosure, they have evidence that exists that it has nothing to do with MS, and therefore not discriminatory. Also, your employer is not required to identify reasonable accommodations, that falls on you to ask for what you need.

            Does your neuro know the extent of your anxiety and that you cry each night and weekend? Do you see a therapist to help you deal with it?

            One of the worst times I had was when trying to evaluate my ability to keep working. I was like you, and with neuro support, filed for my company's STD. This gave me time to get the anxiety and depression under control. This made it easier then to see how much these were contributing to problems versus MS. It also gave me time to figure out accommodations to ask for. If your company doesn't have STD, does FMLA apply? In my case, company ran STD concurrent with FMLA, the result, my job was protected while out.

            After anxiety and depression handled, I went back to work, asked for accommodations, and worked longer. Once I knew I could no longer do the job even with accommodations, I also pursued LTD. If you have this option, I would request a copy of the actual LTD policy, even if not pursuing now. You need to understand eligibility, benefits paid, and its definition of disability.

            If anything, it is crucial your doctor knows how you feel. Even if you don't pursue disability, you need to work to get your anxiety and any depression under control. No one can function well under the kind of stress you are feeling.

            Good luck to you. Keep us updated.
            Kathy
            DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

            Comment


              #7
              Thank you all for the very helpful advice!! I will take all into consideration. I really appreciate all of the support on this forum! You guys are awesome!

              My Neuro currently does not know the extent of my depression and I am not seeing a therapist. I've always thought a therapist could do wonders for me though. I may actually look into that. I will also discuss these issues with my Neuro. I am taking an anti-depressant, but not for depression...for preventing my migraines. I don't see where it really phases my depression.

              I will keep you all updated on what happens. Thanks again for all the advice and support! It helps just knowing that others have been there and understand.



              “Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.”
              ― Helen Keller

              Comment


                #8
                No matter what else is going on your history with depression and anxiety make me wonder if they aren't playing a large part in your difficulties.

                I'd definitely seek a therapist and also consider finding a mental health provider who can check out your antidepressant and maybe make a change or addition if indicated. Good luck.
                He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                Anonymous

                Comment


                  #9
                  Honestly, a job like yours is something you can hold out for a max of 2 years. I respect you for doing it this long really, because people mentally just break down from a job like yours.

                  You have a degree in psych, is there any way you can work as an assistant somewhere? Clinical trial assistant perhaps, psych assistant for research etc. Have you found or tried looking for something else? Maybe try finishing that semester and get your nursing degree? I'm not familiar with the system over there, just trying to give some suggestions. But I honestly would not keep a job like this, it's bad for your health, even just healthy people suffer from a job at a call center.

                  And oh: don't ever tell them you have MS, they will fire you right away. It's a tough business and call centers need people that can give their 100% all the time. They are heartless urgh.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Amy updates, Ladybug?

                    It's been almost a month since you've posted. You sounded really overwhelmed during your first post on this thread. Wondering how things are looking for you now.
                    ~ Faith
                    MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                    (now a Mimibug)

                    Symptoms began in JAN02
                    - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                    - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                    .

                    - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                    - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Be Honest

                      Originally posted by ladybug162 View Post
                      I'm a very introverted individual in general who suffers with a lot of anxiety which doesn't help with the type of work I do. Throwing MS into the mix just complicates things as I'm sure it does for all of us.

                      I work in a call center (my dream job!...can't you just sense the sarcasm??!!!) scheduling appointments for a very busy hospital. I've been trying to tough it out until I could find something better. This was just a temporary fix...or at least it was supposed to be, but I have been there for over two years now as I'm finding it rather challenging to find another job.

                      I'm stressed out all the time and the job is only getting more and more stressful each and every day. The position requires lots of multi-tasking which I've always struggled with, but perhaps even more so now after being diagnosed with MS or maybe I just use it as an excuse? The job is starting to take a toll on me mentally and physically. I'm tired of being yelled at all day by angry patients and angry doctors too if you screw up their schedule. I'm noticing now that my memory isn't as good as it once was and I find myself forgetting words as I'm mid sentence talking with a patient on the phone. It's really embarrassing!! I'm only 32...this should not be happening.

                      Management is also getting stricter. My direct supervisor has already had a couple of conversations with me about where I stand. She's concerned with my work and notices my difficulty with multi-tasking. I've been given a few weeks to improve or i may be without a job. I had a hard time keeping it together and almost broke down and started crying in front of my supervisor. I came so close to disclosing my MS diagnosis, but something told me not to. So I didn't. We've been extra busy at work because we are drastically short staffed. So the pressure is really on those of us who are still there.

                      I dread going to work everyday. I no longer enjoy my weekends because I'm too busy worrying about the upcoming week. I leave work everyday mentally exhausted and so stressed out that I give myself a migraine. I cry every night and struggle every morning to get out of the bed because I'm just so fatigued. I don't know how much more of this I can take, but at the same time I'm worried about losing my job any day now. My mom tells me I'm going to give myself a heart attack. I don't know anymore if telling my supervisor about my MS is the right or wrong thing? I'm just anxious and depressed all the time now...not sure if it's because of my job or MS or a combination of both?

                      Anyway, this was just me venting.
                      Hello Darling!!!
                      I have to agree with you, I don't know how much more I can take either. My supervisor does know what I'm going through, and I have spoken to him on numerous occasions. I told him right away when I was diagnosed. I'm confused because my scans are looking good, but my memory too is slowly going and I even forget my name at times... :-( I almost feel as if he is trying to push me away, so I quit or request a transfer... I'm doing my best, but he just picks out the bad stuff that I do (I do much more good than bad) In your case though, I think you should be honest, you should at least speak to your HR department about it.

                      Hope this helped, (i'm venting a bit too) ~ Crystal Ann
                      "Keep Smiling, it makes people wonder what your up to!"
                      #BreakingtheSilenceMS

                      Comment


                        #12
                        UPDATE

                        I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to give an update.

                        A couple months after posting that vent session, I had to have emergency surgery to remove a 50 pound cyst that was growing on one of my ovaries. I was out of work for 6 weeks recovering which was the best thing that could have happened. During that recovery period I was called for a job interview. I later got the job!!

                        I've been at the current Job for almost 7 months now and it's so much better. It can still get stressful from time to time, but nothing like my last job. It's true that everything eventually works out and happens for a reason.

                        Thank you all for you support and advice!!



                        “Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.”
                        ― Helen Keller

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Wow. I love a happy ending.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Me too. 😀
                            ~ Faith
                            MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                            (now a Mimibug)

                            Symptoms began in JAN02
                            - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                            - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                            .

                            - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                            - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I wonder if mild anxiety disorders go hand in hand with MS. I used to be very anxious for working life (worked until was 50), sometimes the anxiety levels were disproportionate to the reality. Things were never quite as bad as what I thought. However layoffs were certainly real... just my thoughts.

                              Comment

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