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Send me strength--It's That Time

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    Send me strength--It's That Time



    So. I've reached the decision to go for disability (HS teacher for 20 yrs). After many deep conversations with friends/co-workers and my DH--who could not be more supportive!--it's time to call it.

    I'm going to try to finish out the rest of this year, but I'm not entirely sure that I can. Or that I even want to. I actually accepted the decision in my heart yesterday afternoon. Today, my brain was just DONE. Gave the kids all seat-work, and sat at my desk to answer questions, but spent most of the morning staring at the computer, trying to make it LOOK like I was doing something productive. Finally decided to just call off the afternoon and come home.

    I've got the 'image' problem of my sx all being the 'invisible' ones, plus I have always put up a good front. you know, the happy smiling 'strong' one. Sometimes I think that we call ourselves 'strong' just as PR spin, you know? For the past year, though, I have had knee issues (operated on left one last spring, then injured right one this fall) and the exhaustion is killing me. Some days I can barely get around even with my cane holding most of the weight. Walking around the classroom to help students? Uh, no. Sorry, kids.

    The brain fog is the worst of it, at least the most scary. I'm a language teacher--words are, quite literally, my LIFE.

    I have started no official process, I have just made the decision. I'll have to start with taking my remaining sick days (27--they 'roll over' year-to-year), then I think FMLA which is 12 weeks, fortunately I have STD insurance that will help cover that unpaid time, and in the meanwhile, start applications for SSDI.

    Anyway, just asking for whatever good vibes you can send out into the ether toward NW Indiana. Only 3 people currently know about this, so it's not something that I can go public with.

    Thanks, all.
    Mom was right: life's NOT fair. What she never told me is that "fair" is often irrelevant.

    #2
    Hi profe,
    This is tough decision to make, and one that so many of us have had to do. You don't want to "give in" to the MS, but reality takes over, and it's time.

    I worked for 8 yrs after being DX'd. Then I started missing a lot of work, thank goodness for FMLA, but it was still an issue. And it was not fair to the company that I was working for. #1, not being there and #2, not being able to do the job that they were paying me to do.

    So here I am 6+ yrs later, on SSDI.

    I miss working, miss the people that I worked with. I see them every so often, but still.

    I wish you the best. Take the time that you need for yourself. Don't let anyone influence your decisions. It may take time, but you do get to the point where you've resolved within yourself that you've done the right thing.

    I'm sure you will find lots of support here too.

    Comment


      #3
      Good vibes, best wishes and all positive energy headed your way.

      BTW, have you discussed your decision with your MS doc? MS doc's support is first and foremost before applying or notifying HR/Benefits reps.

      I'm sorry that you've reached the decision to stop working, but when it's time to do so, better that it's you making the decisions than overstaying your 'welcome', and being escorted to the exit door empty handed after 20yrs of hard work.

      Keep us updated and best of luck.

      Comment


        #4
        time to take care of you!

        profe,
        giving up job/ career you love isn't easy. i commend your long service to high school students AND with MS!
        i was a preschool teacher, last 2 yrs from a w/c. unfortunately, i wasn't allowed the luxury of deciding to 'retire' they did it for me.

        If you feel you need help to finish school year, get to know an ADA agent and find out how they can help you. schools/ businesses are required to give you assistance. including a 2nd aide to help with paper/ computer work (i had one)

        For SSDI, i highly suggest checking around and getting a lawyer/ law group that specializes in SSDI. having MS should give us an immediate ticket into disability, but it doesn't.
        the first two tries i was denied and a lawyer friend helped me on the 2nd try.

        it took the 3rd time & 3 yrs. to get SSDI. learned of a wonderful group that it was all they do. they took care of everything, i even had a court date scheduled. they were able to get my SSDI in less than 2 mos.
        yes, they charged a fee. but paying it was worth the frustation, plus i may not have gotten it at all without them.

        i know it hurts now. finding an outlet later may help, it did me. i taught at our church's 1 day a wk. preschool and now keep my 2 yr old grandbaby 3 days a week.
        hang in there!
        taking care of yourself is best.

        after no longer teaching/ working 40+ hrs. a week, i was able to walk again with just a cane. evidently, working had been harder on my body than i realized!

        saying prayers for you!
        may God bless you during this time of change!

        ps. i type in lower case on purpose and really do or rather did have better grammar (former newspaper reporter/ editor too.) just lazy now i guess!
        "All things are possible for those who believe." Jesus

        Comment


          #5
          SSDI AND WORK

          I used to work in human services and they had STD and LTD, I am assuming u also have LTD being a teacher.

          I was able to get a free lawyer thru the agencies disability company, UNUM. Being a teacher I would ask about the disability company and call them re: lawyer.

          Good luck, I applied for ssdi at 35 while on STD then LTD and I took me over 2 yrs.

          I wish you well, TS, dx 1995, RRMS, on Gilenya

          Comment


            #6
            Just to clarify

            If I understand the UNUM free legal representation for a SSDI claim, I assume it is offered only after UNUM approval of UNUM LTD claim. The free legal representation for a SSDI claim results in reduced LTD benefits based on the SSDI award amount if/when SSDI is awarded.

            UNUM will not offer free legal services if UNUM denies the LTD claim.

            Comment


              #7
              thanks all!

              Thank you all for the support. Complicating my MS, I have asthma & allergies, which even with all kinds of meds & treatments, I end up with several severe sinus infections every year. Then last January I fell and tore the meniscus in my left knee, had surgery in April then PT. And it was bad PT, I am convinced it never did heal right. THEN this fall, I injured my right knee. Just a sprain, but still--loads of PT (still in it) plus shots.

              So I've been using a cane almost non-stop since last January, I've had probably 5 sinus infections in that year, and I am beyond exhausted. I don't get much sleep, I'm awake wayyyyy too late at night b/c I can't relax, then the alarm goes off at 4:30 to get up & ready for school.

              This fall I started really noticing cognitive lapses, forgetting students' names (when I've had them in class for 2 years), telling the kids I'd do something and never doing it, sitting at my desk and staring at the computer screen because I can't focus long enough to read a long email from the principal, losing my train of thought in the middle of presenting or practicing something in class. The list goes on and on, but you all know the drill.

              Part of me wants to finish the year out, and part of me just says, you've got 25 sick days built up, you've paid for independent STD, the school has LTD, there's FMLA.... just STOP NOW. My husband and my friends/colleagues at work have been terrific, talking me through pros & cons, telling me that if I need to do it, just do it.

              We have started looking for a lawyer so that we do it RIGHT. I know for SSDI it's important to show the decline in work abilities or responsibilities and whatnot. So I know that a lawyer is a must. And I have thought through "What will I do with myself/my time if I'm not working?" and I have plenty to fill that void.

              I feel somewhat better about the decision, now that I've actually MADE the decision. The wavering was really hard emotionally.

              I will definitely continue to check in here as the process unfolds.

              Thanks again.
              Lori
              Mom was right: life's NOT fair. What she never told me is that "fair" is often irrelevant.

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