So. I've reached the decision to go for disability (HS teacher for 20 yrs). After many deep conversations with friends/co-workers and my DH--who could not be more supportive!--it's time to call it.
I'm going to try to finish out the rest of this year, but I'm not entirely sure that I can. Or that I even want to. I actually accepted the decision in my heart yesterday afternoon. Today, my brain was just DONE. Gave the kids all seat-work, and sat at my desk to answer questions, but spent most of the morning staring at the computer, trying to make it LOOK like I was doing something productive. Finally decided to just call off the afternoon and come home.
I've got the 'image' problem of my sx all being the 'invisible' ones, plus I have always put up a good front. you know, the happy smiling 'strong' one. Sometimes I think that we call ourselves 'strong' just as PR spin, you know? For the past year, though, I have had knee issues (operated on left one last spring, then injured right one this fall) and the exhaustion is killing me. Some days I can barely get around even with my cane holding most of the weight. Walking around the classroom to help students? Uh, no. Sorry, kids.
The brain fog is the worst of it, at least the most scary. I'm a language teacher--words are, quite literally, my LIFE.
I have started no official process, I have just made the decision. I'll have to start with taking my remaining sick days (27--they 'roll over' year-to-year), then I think FMLA which is 12 weeks, fortunately I have STD insurance that will help cover that unpaid time, and in the meanwhile, start applications for SSDI.
Anyway, just asking for whatever good vibes you can send out into the ether toward NW Indiana. Only 3 people currently know about this, so it's not something that I can go public with.
Thanks, all.
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