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Rant - or fluff??

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    Rant - or fluff??

    A little background first:
    I was always one of those annoying type A personalities. You know the type, borderline perfectionist,always doing something. Everything had a place and it went there - always. At one point (seems like so many years ago) you could eat off of any surface in my house. My ex accused me of keeping things 'too sterile"

    I love the outdoors. Would ALWAYS rather be outdoors than inside. Well, over the years the ability to do things (especially outdoors) has pretty much disappeared.

    My dh has decided that I need a ramp - not so much that I use a w/c, but that I keep tripping coming up the steps. He has worked up the plans and started getting materials to build it when the temperature gets a little warmer.

    So. This means that I have flowers that have to be moved, and that I have to re-do the entrance to the koi pond (the pond has a 'wall' of hedge around it). That was eating my lunch until I decided that I would keep the same entrance, just go in at an angle.
    But what about the flowers?

    I had put up a fence several years ago to separate the wooded area from the yard area. It is about 130 feet long. I decided that would be a wonderful place to put my new flower bed. But I need 'edgers' to establish that area as not a place to drive / park cars. Well, I can use the ones that I have going to the pond entrance now (they will be in the way of the ramp), and the ones at the back walkway are doing nothing but getting knocked over by the dogs (and nobody uses that entrance anyhow).

    About 3 weeks ago we had wonderful weather to work outside, but I had caught a virus and was major sick .
    But this past Saturday we finally had a good day again - and I FELT GOOD! DH was at work so I decided to go ahead and move the edgers that I have and see how many more I need to get. Simple task huh? I started a little before 10 and by 3 I had them all moved and in place. Yeah I had to level the ground a little and measure to make sure they were in a straight line in relation to the fence, but when I was finished I only have 30 feet left to get! AND I was just 'normal' tired. Not even sore. So I cooked supper and was all ready to show off what I had done when DH got home a little after 4.

    I slept good Saturday night, and got up to see my husband off to work Sunday - he went in 4 hours early that day. I 'warned' him that we had enough leftovers that I didn't intend to cook that day. Surprisingly I was still not sore! After he left I went back to bed. I got up around 10 and fed up, then went BACK to bed. Was still in bed when he got home from work .

    I spent ALL DAY Sunday totally wiped out from a little 5 hours work. And the entire time I was moving the edgers I still 'felt good'.

    Monday was a little better. I was sore (and yeah I know that if I had moved around on Sunday that would not have happened, but I couldn't!) I did some stuff (laundry, washed dishes, fed the birds and the squirrels and got up the trash and took it to the dump) but still at 2 o'clock I just simply ran out of gas. Just like that I was finished. When I was complaining to my husband about it last night he asked "Well what else did you want to do?" As I started listing all the other things I had considered doing until I gave out I realized that I was thinking like that person that I used to be.

    Oh, to actually be able to complete a task and not have to pay for it for a couple of days. To have the spotless house again. The perfect yard. What is the use of having a 'feel good' day if I am going to be out for the count for so long afterwards?

    I am normally more accepting of things than this but come on. Really? The rest of my life like this?
    And as I am sitting here whining I am also planning another too full day. Looks like I would learn to just give up huh?

    #2
    Empathizing!

    I'm having that day today. I got SO MUCH done in the last two days that had been laying around in my apartment for months. A friend was supposed to help, but didn't turn up - and later that day told me she wasn't feeling well. {Sorry about your seasonal allergies. Wanna trade for MS?}

    Anyway, today I woke up ready to take care of a couple things - and I've got roving paresthesia. Just itches and tickles and whatnot running around different spots on my body like a toy train on its tracks.

    I also just needed to vent a little about it. I'm actually extremely fortunate with how mild my MS is - I'm sure some of my less fit friends would suffer with what I did the last two days. It would just be different, and they could get rid of it with ibuprofen.

    Congratulations for getting the job started, though! Sometimes the fear of what the consequences could be can prevent me from even doing that.

    Comment


      #3
      You post spoke volumes for me, msjigo. I was a lot like you in the past, very independent, thinking I could do it all, but not nearly quite the perfectionist.

      Clean house - clean enough
      Nice yard, veggie and flower gardens - nice enough
      Organizational skills - just enough


      After living with MS for now 26 years and SPMS, I have had to prioritize to the point of having maybe 2-4 doable goals for the day. My house is only very clean in places/stages and so is my yard/gardens. I hear you though and you don't have to simply give up! Set your goal into stages. It helps! I use to do so much more in one day and would crash and burn the next day until I realized it was counterproductive.

      Like you, I LOVE being outdoors and would rather prefer that over anything! My dh works and is burnt out on the weekends and doesn't care as much as I do what the house, yard or gardens look like, so I am thinking of hiring some help (high school kids) or asking friends to help me.

      Good luck with the ramp - I need one made too.
      Take care
      1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
      Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

      Comment


        #4
        Thanks for the replies . I needed to vent and the responses were right on time for me.

        But it happened again today - and I haven't done anything . All the things I had been contemplating this morning just didn't seem quite so important as DH and I have a little running around to do tomorrow, so I decided to conserve my energy for then. About 2 pm I just crashed. Again just totally wiped out. Husband came home from work, saw the shape I was in and decided to go out to get supper - mostly just so I would eat I think .

        5 hours of easy work and I am out for the count 1 entire day and over half a day for the next 2 days. Nabbosa, when you said "Sometimes the fear of what the consequences could be can prevent me from even doing that" You really hit the nail on the head for me about now.

        So I will ride in the truck with my husband tomorrow, come home to an easy supper, and then rest all day Thursday so we can celebrate our wedding anniversary on Friday .
        I guess that I will have to put silly grand-baby off for a couple of days. She is wanting to spend the night, and I love her dearly, but she is a 4yo .

        Is that considered 'stages' Seasha?
        And is this still considered a "fake" flair even tho I am still getting grief from after 3 days

        Comment


          #5
          Good for you for conserving your energy to be able to enjoy your anniversary! I hope you have a fun time! Glad to hear too that your husband is understanding.

          IMO, we MSers need to listen to our bodies more than other people - fatigue is the #1 common denominator for most of us.

          Take care and rest up again for that grand baby's visit
          1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
          Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

          Comment


            #6
            An update

            Well it has taken me almost a month to do a job that in the 'good ole days' would have taken a morning to do, But I DID IT! I finished laying the edgers this morning.

            Now I just have to go to the store and get some dirt to fill the flower bed with and then it will be ready for the flowers. Maybe I can get it finished before the local high school sells their horticulture stuff prior to going on spring break.
            I have been doing a few edgers every couple of days. Yesterday I stopped with only 12 more left to place. But I just knew that those last 12 would wipe me out so ...

            My husband is a dear, but every time he sees me out there doing something he starts 'warning' me about overdoing it again. Like I really need to be reminded about that. Well I guess that sometimes I do, but that doesn't mean that I WANT to hear it. In fact when I point it out to him today when he gets home I am willing to bet that his response will be "well did you over-do it again ?"

            I wanted to come here to share this achievement because I felt that you guys would appreciate what a big deal it is for me to finish this much.

            Comment


              #7
              Good for you! I'm proud of you for knowing when to stop, as I know how hard that is

              We're having exceptionally mild weather, but not warm enough for garden planting yet. I've been taking an hour each day and getting out and weeding, pruning, fertilizing, etc in my yard's landscape. Like you, it's taken a long, long time as opposed to doing it in a day or two, so I can relate to your achievement! I crawl around everywhere and find it the only way I can get around the shrubs, trees, plants!

              I'm almost done
              Thanks for sharing, msgijo - I'll be thinking of you
              1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
              Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

              Comment


                #8
                Thank you!

                This thread meant a lot to me. I have been dx for over 2 years now and have NOT been able to accept that I cannot do what I used to do. Yes, I already gave up driving (too dizzy) and riding bikes. I also know I can never ride a roller coaster or go bowling again but for me NOT to be able to do things like help my son move or clean my house thoroughly and a million other things did not get the same level of acceptance. I didn't accept it at all. My husband knew and I kept getting mad at him when he would say "don't overdo it".

                I am different now. I just overdid my son's move and ended up in bed for 5 days. I just now feel better. I don't want to pay this price again for not listening to my body. I can't force it to be the same as it was. It is just very hard for me to say "I can't."

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