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    Are any caregivers happy?

    I am recently separated after 6 years because he was unable to handle how my MS changed our relationship. The fact is that I am still able to do most things that I used to and not much has changed, other than the occasional relapse and the daily fatigue. When everything happened, I spent a lot of time combing through this site reading the different threads and learning about several others' stories. And not just other MSers, but the caregivers too.

    I'm not here to judge, just looking for some honest feedback. I know the sacrifice and daily challenges you all face when taking care of someone with MS. My question is: Are there any of you out there that are truly still happy in their relationship?

    #2
    besides the ones that you paid for? In my life only, there are no other "happy" caregivers. My wife does not want to have anything to do with me. And because she is miserable, she is making the rest of the family suffer for that. But that is only my opinion, I am sure that hers is different. I am also sure that I am not always "Rosy" and easy to live with.
    hunterd/HuntOP/Dave
    volunteer
    MS World
    hunterd@msworld.org
    PPMS DX 2001

    "ADAPT AND OVERCOME" - MY COUSIN

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      #3
      My husband and I are very happily married, my husband is a happy person in general, but he is not happy about being my caregiver. We can laugh about our carer-caree relationship, but we'd both rather we didn't have to.
      Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

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        #4
        My husband has been great though it is tough for him to see me sick all the time and when I get the "crying jags" it must be hard to take.

        I do think the stress of my illness makes him sick sometimes and that really bothers me. I try really hard not to complain but he is my best friend and I have to say how I feel when it gets tough.

        I guess we just have to take it one day at a time. I know he would say he is NOT unhappy.

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          #5
          Although I think many do it out of love and obligation I personally can't imagine anyone is actually happy about this turn of events.
          He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
          Anonymous

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            #6
            Funny (not really) that all responses have come from the "caree" not the "carer".
            Jen
            RRMS 2005, Copaxone since 2007
            "I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am."

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              #7
              Certainly, my hubby isn't happy about my diagnosis. I am also not happy when he crashes his bike and breaks bones. Too bad. We are in it together and have to take care of each other.

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                #8
                Originally posted by Cat Mom View Post
                Funny (not really) that all responses have come from the "caree" not the "carer".
                Jen
                I honestly don't think many "carers" careenough to come to this site.
                Tawanda
                ___________________________________________
                Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by hunterd View Post
                  besides the ones that you paid for? In my life only, there are no other "happy" caregivers.
                  Have to agree with you, and ask the question, would you be happy as a caregiver? Right now I don't contribute financially except SSDI, but I can still take care of my personal needs and my teenage daughter. I am still useful in that 50's housewife kind of way, but should that change, I will have to find myself a cheap nursing home!

                  If given the choice, though, I think would prefer to be the caregiver over having MS. I have had the unique experience of having been both (for those of you who don't know me, my mother had MS).

                  This is a great thread...I only wish it was posted on the more travelled General Questions Board where an actual caregiver might see it!
                  Tawanda
                  ___________________________________________
                  Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Tawanda View Post
                    This is a great thread...I only wish it was posted on the more travelled General Questions Board where an actual caregiver might see it!
                    I doubt too many caregivers are willing to discuss it on a board for us anyway. It would be kind of harsh to come here and write how horrible it is taking care of one of us.

                    I'm with you and will be looking for that cheap, and I might add known for its terrible quality of care, nursing home when I'm no longer able to care for myself.
                    He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                    Anonymous

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by Jules A View Post
                      I doubt too many caregivers are willing to discuss it on a board for us anyway. It would be kind of harsh to come here and write how horrible it is taking care of one of us.
                      LOL! Giving thanks today for still bring able to laugh once in awhile!
                      Tawanda
                      ___________________________________________
                      Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

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                        #12
                        This is my first post. I actually came across this site cause my wife had it pulled up on my phone. Quick background, I am a caregiver. My wife's symptoms first appeared Nov 2011 when our youngest was 4mos old but she was not properly diagnosed until this past Feb. I'm generally happy but I can admit that it is hard to be in a relationship with someone dealing with MS. The issues that get to me are the anger, depression, her not wanting to take her medication, and a lack of physical activity when she is able, but even with the hardships I have to deal with in keeping our family together and moving I wouldn't change it for another life.

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                          #13
                          I've seen this thread a number of times and resisted posting until now.

                          My wife has been my caregiver for the past 6 years. She would prefer that I not have MS, but she would prefer to be with me (sick), tending to my needs, than live life without me. It's not easier than being healthy, but it's better than being apart. My wife and I are on the same team and we look out for each other. We both have joy in our hearts despite, or in spite, of our circumstances, including health. Having MS, or caregiving for a patient with MS, is not easier, but it has been better. We both admire each other for the challenges we have faced and overcome. Challenges will continue for the remainder of our lives, and we're both excited to meet those challenges together.

                          Much of this comes down to personalities, character and values of the caregiver. Some will ask are you a glass half empty or glass half full, or optimist vs pessimist? My wife and I are both all of those things depending on the circumstances. Fortunately, circumstances don't rule in our lives, not does the feeling of happiness. We both are at peace with who we are and our place in the world. We try to be outward looking people that attempt to help others. This life isn't about me or MS. We've both been through the fires of life and have only become more refined over time. Like the clay, my wife and I, can take no credit, but must give it to the Potter.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by anthonaz View Post
                            This is my first post. I actually came across this site cause my wife had it pulled up on my phone. Quick background, I am a caregiver. My wife's symptoms first appeared Nov 2011 when our youngest was 4mos old but she was not properly diagnosed until this past Feb. I'm generally happy but I can admit that it is hard to be in a relationship with someone dealing with MS. The issues that get to me are the anger, depression, her not wanting to take her medication, and a lack of physical activity when she is able, but even with the hardships I have to deal with in keeping our family together and moving I wouldn't change it for another life.
                            Thank you for weighing in! Welcome to the group and I hope to read more from you and your wife too.
                            He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                            Anonymous

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                              #15
                              Anthonaz, thank you for your post. You are the first caregiver brave enough to comment. Jules A, you may be right that most caregivers would not be willing to post for fear of coming off too harsh.

                              My purpose for this post is not just to get a better understanding of the struggles for these people, but to offer a place for them to vent. When my MS gets to me, the best thing for me to do is to let it all out. Keeping it in just makes things worse. Why shouldn't a caregiver be able to do the same without worrying about how a person with MS will feel? We are not in control of this disease and did not choose it for ourselves. Caregivers may get upset with the way we handle the disease at times, but overall, it's the disease that they struggle with, just like us, but in a different way. If there are any other caregivers out there that are willing to share, I'd love to hear from you.

                              Thanks again Anthonaz, I hope this thread will be of some help to you.

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