Coming down from hypomania

[sardi_g]

It wasn't *too* expensive. Lol. I channeled my energy into home improvement projects. I experienced a complete absence of self-loathing like I've never felt before. I think MS has helped me give myself a break. So when this hypo-mania appeared it wasn't as destructive as it had been in the past. Can anyone understand the term benevolent conspiracy. :-) Constructive delusions? I had incredible energy. I skated at the park so much. I decluttered the apartment. I dated, met new people.

Anyway, then one day it's all gone like I've suddenly jumped off. The fatigue and negativity are back but the memories are vivid and I made a new friend, whom I know I'll be avoiding from here-on but still, I have those memories.

I'll just keep on keeping on and work on being more constructive and productive. I'll try to fight the isolation but I won't beat myself up about it either. I can't say I'm not patiently waiting for a tad of hypomania to show up again. The lack of self-criticism was such a relief. (At the expense of self-reflection?) Like when you have a migraine and it finally goes away.

Whether it's a conscious change in thought pattern or some random ms lesion, this episode was definitely different from the past.

I'll try to remember that my mood can affect the way I view/talk to myself and if you're in a bipolar depression remember you are not your thoughts. It's called emotional reasoning and sure, it can be such a pain.

Peace

[22cyclist]

Sardi_g: That was a beautifully written introspection of what it feels like to go from a hypomania back into an early depression. My cousin has bipolar disorder and struggles everyday with it. She does not have MS on top of it. Who knows which cam first for you really. I have only experienced the major depression from MS that hit me out of nowhere. I became suicidal, hallucinated, became psychotic the whole thing. I was on a 72 hour hold in a local hospital. They gave me Remeron and it has been a life saver for me.

I hope they can find some balance in your life too between the highs and lows. It must be so hard to miss the highs that you are willing to risk the lows, but my hope for you is stability.

Good luck on your journey. Please keep us updated.

Lisa

[sardi_g]

Oh thank you Lisa for the encouraging response. That episode of yours sounds like such a nightmare I'm glad you found a medication that helped. It's been many years since I've had a true psychotic break but they're the most frightening things ever.

I shouldn't have narrowed my comment to only people in a bipolar depression because it applies to anyone going through a mood disorder. It's the easiest thing to just personalize everything you're feeling - unless, of course it involves the extreme thought patterns you experienced, and that brings its own set of problems. Boy!

My new psychiatrist is allowing me to take adderall which helps w/ the fatigue and cognitive stuff so I'm not really hoping for any mania or even hypomania. They can be such a pain for others. My sister's soo glad I'm 'me' again. Haha. Although she took me with her to a high school reunionish thingy when I was in my most gregarious state. :-) We laugh about it now. I guess the real me is somewhere in the middle. All I know is that it's more healthy to challenge the negative overly critical thoughts when you're depressed... and at other times the delusions of grandeur and to try to sleep more that three hours a night! Somewhere in the middle. ;-)

Peace!