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    #31
    Originally posted by tommylee View Post
    Sounds about right.
    I don't have a history of bad girlfriends but until this summer I have not been on a date other than my wife since 1986.
    Sometimes the past 15 years seem like a long bad date.
    Sure there were a few good times but most of it felt like constant punishment for getting sick.
    Your posts are often funny and edgy at the same time!

    I am guessing your wife will quickly burn out on trying to win you back. The BFs who went on their knees begging me to take them back soon were off in search of finding other women to make miserable (thank God, there were no stalkers in the bunch!). Of course, we are talking crummy BFs and not spouses, and most importantly, there were no shared children (once there are kids involved, married or not, the situation changes dramatically). There is that forever bond. My husband's parents waited until their kids were grown to divorce, and for years they lived peacefully without having anything to do with each other, but then came all the marriages, grandchildren, and ceremonies/parties/social events that come with it. The mother of your children is always going to be there in some way and you will have to figure out how your going to deal with it. I wish you peace during this time of transition.
    Tawanda
    ___________________________________________
    Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

    Comment


      #32
      Originally posted by Tawanda View Post
      Your posts are often funny and edgy at the same time!

      I am guessing your wife will quickly burn out on trying to win you back. The BFs who went on their knees begging me to take them back soon were off in search of finding other women to make miserable (thank God, there were no stalkers in the bunch!). Of course, we are talking crummy BFs and not spouses, and most importantly, there were no shared children (once there are kids involved, married or not, the situation changes dramatically). There is that forever bond. My husband's parents waited until their kids were grown to divorce, and for years they lived peacefully without having anything to do with each other, but then came all the marriages, grandchildren, and ceremonies/parties/social events that come with it. The mother of your children is always going to be there in some way and you will have to figure out how your going to deal with it. I wish you peace during this time of transition.
      Deciding whether to separate or go back is a difficult decision. I too wish you all peace during this time of transition. It is a very difficult and hard left choice for anyone - and for the previous statement: "I think this new found love and respect she is promising me will evaporate in less than a year and I will just have to do the same thing all over again." It would be so very emotional for anyone if 'I will have to do the same thing again' means finding another woman to be with .... I have enjoyed the times I have been by myself and I do enjoy that time. find out who you are, what you want and not leave to be with another woman?

      All the best in this special month, December. I like to think, "what would I like to do today?"

      Comment


        #33
        [QUOTE=colobro;1467113]previous statement: "I think this new found love and respect she is promising me will evaporate in less than a year and I will just have to do the same thing all over again." QUOTE

        The statement pertained to having to leave a woman I love because she treats me poorly and keeps me under constant financial stress with bad spending habits and a selfish attitude.
        This is a horrible and heart breaking decision to be forced to make and experience. (that is why I do not want to do it again)
        Walking out the door with just my clothes after so many years invested is more difficult than you think and I do not wish to experience it again.

        I also understand due to our son we will be connected forever.
        You and some others seem to be urging me to be alone and find myself???.
        Well I have been left alone for the better part of 15 years. My time is limited. It would be nice to enjoy the life I have left with somebody that is sweet to me or at least be available to people that still enjoy my company.

        Can you tell me; How long do I need to be alone to "find myself"?
        Will my body still function after the wait?

        I have searched myself and gone to classes, read books, gone to a few counselors and I think I know myself and what I want to.
        Keeping me alone and broke has been used to control me for way too long.
        It is healthy to move on rather than put up with more of the same.

        Comment


          #34
          [QUOTE=tommylee;1467139][QUOTE=colobro;1467113]previous statement: "I think this new found love and respect she is promising me will evaporate in less than a year and I will just have to do the same thing all over again." QUOTE

          I do understand that because of the bad financial choices and a selfish attitude would keep anyone under stress. No changes in her since you left? Sometimes, self-reflection and looking deeply, one would possibly see a change when a spouse of 25 years leaves




          "My time is limited" has been stated. Also, "perhaps a plastic bag and a rubber-band could do the trick when the time comes."

          Are you doing OK? What are your issues, health-wise, today? future? How many years do you think you have? Is the new woman helping you thru things?



          "It would be nice to enjoy the life I have left with somebody that is sweet to me or at least be available to people that still enjoy my company."

          Looking back thru this post, "In October I moved to an apartment in Denver with a woman." Have you not found someone nice to enjoy life with? For me, alone is not a good option. Speaking up when one is wronged or


          "Walking out the door with just my clothes after so many years is more difficult than you would think." yes, I would imaging it is more difficult than I could think. I am sorry for this. It is a difficult life choice.


          Can you tell me; How long do I need to be alone to "find myself"? Will my body still function after the wait?"

          Only you can answer this one. What are you waiting for? Is she still sending you 3-4 love letters per day? Waiting is not always the best. I guess, contemplate what's next with looking at all angles. There is another thread going in this forum about Caretakers. It has been an interesting read.
          There are many interesting posts to read here. All the very best in your choices and decisions.

          Comment


            #35
            Originally posted by colobro View Post
            QUOTE

            I do understand that because of the bad financial choices and a selfish attitude would keep anyone under stress. No changes in her since you left? Sometimes, self-reflection and looking deeply, one would possibly see a change when a spouse of 25 years leaves

            Perhaps some changes but the money is still out of control. I am still have to make the house payment even though she makes more than twice the money I do.



            "My time is limited" has been stated. Also, "perhaps a plastic bag and a rubber-band could do the trick when the time comes."

            Are you doing OK? What are your issues, health-wise, today? future? How many years do you think you have? Is the new woman helping you thru things?

            Am I doing ok???
            I do not think most people here are feeling too chipper.
            I have suffered some brain bleeds and seizure's in the past two years that make me understand my life could change in a moment.
            The "new woman" is nice and treats me well but she has CFS and fibro so we do what we can for each other but we do not depend on each other that much.

            "It would be nice to enjoy the life I have left with somebody that is sweet to me or at least be available to people that still enjoy my company."

            Looking back thru this post, "In October I moved to an apartment in Denver with a woman." Have you not found someone nice to enjoy life with? For me, alone is not a good option.

            I do not mind being alone as long as it is quiet and stress free.
            The "new woman" does bring some joy to my life but I am not or will not marry her ever.
            I am not looking for someone to depend on. I just want to spend my time with people that are kind and respectful and enjoyable.



            Only you can answer this one. What are you waiting for? Is she still sending you 3-4 love letters per day? Waiting is not always the best. I guess, contemplate what's next with looking at all angles. There is another thread going in this forum about Caretakers. It has been an interesting read.
            There are many interesting posts to read here. All the very best in your choices and decisions.

            No the letters finally stopped.
            It is good . It gives me time to think and decompress.
            It is my hope that she will take the time without me to really investigate what her life could be without me.

            She is beautiful. She loves the sun and hot weather, fine dining and drinks, dancing, and concerts.
            I also enjoyed these things at one time in my life but now find heat and crowds difficult. The sun is painful and heat will make me pass out and I can't drink without feeling sick.

            Her favorite things I can no longer partake in. I understand this makes me a drag to hang out with if you have these interests but what can I do about that?

            She vented her frustration about the changing me in unhealthy ways that tore me down further.

            To be treated with indifference by your spouse for a long period of time makes it difficult to open up to them.
            (it feels like the bridge has been burned)

            Make no mistake; Just because I have chosen to move on with my life does not mean it is pain free.
            I lived with my wife for 28 years and never cheated on her. Of that time only half of it was good. The second half was nonstop punishment for getting sick.
            That does not happen in my world without a lot of love and dedication.

            But love alone is not enough and many people are in love with people that are no good for them.
            (if you think real hard I bet you know some people in that situation? It is not uncommon.)

            The "new woman" is very kind and sweet to me and we can enjoy quiet times watching movies or walking when the weather is good. Simple food prepared at home...a quiet life.

            But this situation comes from a marriage that was neglected to death then shattered with cruel words designed to hurt me.
            My Ex pushed me away so hard that is why I am shocked by the fight now. (I really thought she would be happy to be free)

            The "plastic bag and rubber-band" pertain to my plan when I can no longer take care of myself but I could always change my mind if I find life still fun while I pee and poop my pants. Time will tell.

            Thanks for the time and thought.

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