Juggling caregivng with career change!

[saffieinamerica]

I am somewhat new to the MS care giving scene, with my wife recently having a major relapse with her MS as a result of her recent pregnancy. She is currently undergoing rehabilitation to build up her strength and mobility. I am hopeful she will make a recovery, but I am also acutely aware she may not get back 100%. Therefore between how well she recovers and future relapses, I am accepting the fact that I will need to take on more of a caregiver role.

However I am also at a crossroads where I want to change my career after working 15 years in IT and burnt out and needing a change. I have the opportunity to complete a degree in Environmental Science and possibly change careers 2-3 years from now. This career change would have a drop in income too. So my question is should I stay with the current IT career instead of the Environmental Science one, because it will provide more income and the possibility to work remotely to help as a caregiver?

I feel guilty about wanting to do this career change, when my focus should be 100% on my wife and our daughter. Any advise from caregivers in similar situations would be most helpful as I try to weigh up my options.

** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[Jules A]

Hi,
Not a caregiver, I'm the one with MS, but I went in the opposite direction and actually changed careers when I was diagnosed in an effort to have a better paying career secondary to concerns about MS despite being rather happy at my previous job.

I'm guessing you and your wife discussed the implications of this before you decided to have a baby? What was the family plan?

Just my two cents but considering the financial burden MS can cause I would be hesitant to do anything that would result in less money coming in for my family. Unfortunately when MS enters the picture it limits our options.

Anyway happiness is over-rated or at least that is what I tell myself sometimes.

[Kimba22]

Hi saffieinamerica,

Welcome to MSWorld! I hope we will be a source of information and support. Congratulations on your baby, but I'm sorry to hear about your wife. I hope she makes a full recovery that her course of MS will be mild.

I'm also not a caregiver, but the one who has MS. I wasn't diagnosed until after I had my second child. She was a baby then, and has just started high school. I also have a son in college. It sounds cliché, but they grow up so fast. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but having MS has posed plenty of challenges along the way. Not only for me, but for my family as well.

No one has a crystal ball as to how your wife's MS will progress in the future. But this is a unpredictable, progressive, and VERY expensive disease. The Disease Modifying Medications alone cost a small fortune. Then there's hospitalizations, other medications, rehab, Dr. visits, special equipment, not to mention the cost of childcare if your wife were to have another big relapse or her condition were to worsen. Even if you have good insurance, co-pays and deductibles only continue to go up.

Some other things to think about are extra costs if you were ever need to hire someone to do the things your wife normally does, even if just short term. This article, while 4 years old, also addresses some private care costs you may not even be aware of. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/20/health/20patient.html

It is important to think about who will help take care of your wife and/ or daughter if you can't be there. With a new, lower paying job in a brand new career, your vacation and sick time will also be reduced. That would limit the days you could take off to help out if your wife or child needed you. And once your daughter starts school, there's other things that someone will have to be there to help with (like homework or someone to chauffeur her to various activities).

Another thing to consider is if you were to have to travel at all for work. My brother-in-law works in environmental science for a large corporation and often has to travel out of the state or country to personally visit various work sites. (And because he knows the income and hiring potential of this career first hand, he is also trying to discourage his daughter, who is in college, from pursuing a degree in Environmental Science.)

All this doesn't even include the expense of raising a child for the next 18 years. They cost money, no matter what we may like to think. Then there's the astronomical cost of college if your child pursues that. My assumption is you are somewhere in your mid to late 30's? It may seem far off now, but it's never too early to start saving for retirement.

Have you thought much about what would happen if your wife had another bad relapse while you were back in school? Besides throwing off your graduation date (quite possibly your finances as well), you'd have to consider things like withdrawals or incompletes.

It's so unfair, but our families have MS, too. Please think long and hard about about the financial downsides of changing careers.

Best wishes to you and your family ,