I don't even know where to begin.. I have been married for 20 years.. I have had MS for 13 (?) I worked my arse off until my Neuro told me stop working or stop existing in 2010..
Since then.. I have had a few medical issues (neck surgery, etc).. Sometime in the last few years.. I feel I have been placed in a box.. Not sure if this makes since.. I have had the worst conversation with my spouse ever …
I am a very independent person.. free willed, free minded.. but I am controlled.. cause "you can't remember" "you can't, you can't, you can't" What did I do? I Realize I have memory issues.. but.. did I die somewhere during this time? I feel like .. idk.. I feel sooo small.. I am soo angry right now.. I was the "bread winner".. the one who did it all.. I know I am unable now.. but.. don't take away what my potential is in the future..
Why? We (I) didn't ask for this.. Have I really changed that much? Or am I just wanting to live while I can? So Many questions for me.. I try to ask my spouse.. but the door closes.. "oh its just been a long winter, you'll get over it" Ya it has been.. but.. I am not "over it".. Tired of being dismissed.. I understand the bills need to be paid.. I get SSDI that does pay enuf even if I worked part time.. Don't say… "you wouldn't be able to live in a tin can if it were not for me" This hurts.. true.. but it hurts… makes me feel even smaller.. JS
Omzone ;(
Since then.. I have had a few medical issues (neck surgery, etc).. Sometime in the last few years.. I feel I have been placed in a box.. Not sure if this makes since.. I have had the worst conversation with my spouse ever …
I am a very independent person.. free willed, free minded.. but I am controlled.. cause "you can't remember" "you can't, you can't, you can't" What did I do? I Realize I have memory issues.. but.. did I die somewhere during this time? I feel like .. idk.. I feel sooo small.. I am soo angry right now.. I was the "bread winner".. the one who did it all.. I know I am unable now.. but.. don't take away what my potential is in the future..
Why? We (I) didn't ask for this.. Have I really changed that much? Or am I just wanting to live while I can? So Many questions for me.. I try to ask my spouse.. but the door closes.. "oh its just been a long winter, you'll get over it" Ya it has been.. but.. I am not "over it".. Tired of being dismissed.. I understand the bills need to be paid.. I get SSDI that does pay enuf even if I worked part time.. Don't say… "you wouldn't be able to live in a tin can if it were not for me" This hurts.. true.. but it hurts… makes me feel even smaller.. JS
Omzone ;(
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