Invalidating doctors, and questionable medical practice, why me

[Jrasted79]

Ok, I may seem like a whiner but I am just so frustrated, depressed, fed up and I need to get this out. Don't know where else to go because it seems like no one cares. I don't deserve the same medical treatment as people who are not on state paid insurance. My family can't do much, well because they can't, this is my fight and they are probably sick of hearing it.

I have been invalidated, accused of faking (actually had a doctor put "malingering" in my medical record) and in general, just treated like crap by doctors in my 4 years preceding diagnosis. I haven't seen a neurologist in almost 2years because medi-cal kept denying the referral so all I have is general doctors and my therapist.

Well the other day my school asked for an updated doctors form to justify my acommodations as a disabled student. I brought it to my doctor so he could fill it out regarding my physical limitations and I had one for my therapist to fill out regarding my mental health limitations. He took the form, only referenced my mental health conditions using the DSM codes provided to him from my therapist (he did not diagnose these conditions, but he was so ready to describe on this form). He continued to check the box stating that my mental impairments are "stable". Stable, think NOT!!! I am a depressed, anxious, a mess!!! I feel like half a person because of my health, mental limitations, and how doctors treat me. I have been begging him to change to my depression meds which he wont do. I have been on the same med and dose for a year. These medicines do "poop out" and I have tried to explain how crippling my anxiety is but he refuses to give me any anxiety medicine.

I also get muscle spasms so bad I want to die. I take 1-10mg baclofen 3 times a day. I asked if we could up it or try something else. He said that it was already a super high dose and he wont give anyone more than that.

Then the latest, a little background, I have been on pain killers for 4 years. I have taken high amounts and then lowered because I moved, new doctors etc. Well the past year, I have been taking 2-30mg Kadian (morphine) a day and 4-5/325 Percocet a day. The Kadian doesn't do a darn thing. The way I take my 4 Percocet is, I set my alarm so I wake up an hour before I have to get up and get ready and take 1 percocet, then snooze for an hour, this way I can move without so much pain in the morning. I take 2 through out the day at school because sitting in class for hours is super painful and 1 and night. At this dose my pain is still not managed because after 4 years I have a tolerance.

I got my prescription last week and noticed he cut my Percocet in half, so 2 a day. I thought he made a mistake so I asked his nurse to ask him about it. She said nope, he meant what we wrote. Since he didn't discuss lowering my medication and let me know why, I was still convinced he made a mistake so I had my pharmacist check as well. BTW the pharmacist and doctor are in business together. I guess my doctors office responded with," the doctor is cutting back everyone's pain medication." So now my tolerance being higher and him lowering my meds I am not getting much relief at all. BTW I take ibuprofen like it's candy. What I am really upset about is that he did not inform me of what he was doing or why. He would have done that if he lowered anything else. It is his obligation to keep me informed. The thing is in the scheme of things what I take is such a low dose in the first place. So not only invalidate me, strip me of my dignity, refuse to address my horrid depression, but leave me in pain to deal with all this.

I am not going to kill myself, but if it wasn't for having a daughter I love so much I would. I fantasize about it all the time. A life without pain and no more people treating me like a piece of crap sure does sound great. I am so flipping depressed and no one is taking me seriously so no one is helping. No wonder why people with mental illness have a high suicide rate.

I am sorry for blowing up but if I can't get this out, I am just gonna lose it. I don't really need anyone to respond. I just need someone to hear me.

Anyone contemplating suicide, even if only for an instant, or anytime in the future, should call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 Professionals that can help are available 24/7. PLEASE call! It's free and 100% confidential

[MSW1963]

Jrasted79, just want you to know that someone is 'listening', and hears your pleas for help, maybe at the very least some compasion and consideration. I've been through my share of misogynist, condesending doc who believe they are gods because they've completed med school and a license to practice.

It takes so much more to be a good doc, neuro or MS specialist and I hope you find appropriate and compasionate medical care.

[bree2013]

Jrasted - I hope things start improving for you. Whether you have MS or not, I hope your pain gets under control. Prayers going out to you and your daughter.

Hang in there!
Bree

[Jules A]

Are there any free services offered by your state's department of mental health and hygiene?

Your regimen has likely gotten out of your PCPs area of expertise and although you probably don't want to hear this he is looking out for your well-being by reducing your narcotic regimen and refusing to add a benzodiazepine if that is what you are requesting for anxiety. He is doing the responsible thing and you really should be treated by a reputable pain management specialist.

Research does not support long term opiate use as effective in improving function in people with chronic pain and as we all know the adverse effects, including depression and anxiety, are numerous.

Thankfully the medical community is starting to address this problem especially in light of the number of people who overdose on carelessly prescribed opiates and benzodiazepines every year.

[Thinkimjob]

I'm not a doctor and I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

Your doctor has cut your dose of Percocet in half, so you'd have to be suffering withdrawal, which will be making you extremely anxious and depressed.

Oxycodone is very addictive. Down here, you'd never be put on it four years. A week or two, maybe. They sell it in pubs for $60 a tablet. You'll have built up a tolerance to that, and to morphine.

Lots of people wind up addicted without realising what's happening, especially if they're taking something that's been prescribed by a doctor. It's not your fault.

My friend's father had been prescribed morphine for a bad back and took it for years. His doctor decided he was doing the wrong thing, and stopped writing the scripts. The poor man couldn't stand the withdrawal symptoms.

I agree with Jules A, you need a pain management specialist.

[Jrasted79]

I know my body is physically dependent on my meds but my mind is not. Those are two different things when it comes to addiction. I don't really feel like I'm much into withdrawal since I still can take 2 a day. What I think is going on right now is my depression and anxiety big time which was a problem before all of this. I have been put through the ringer and I keep being pushed by everyone to do things that hurt. I need a break from it all. Thankfully my therapist got me in real quick and I have switched to seeing her every week instead of every other week and I have an appoint with a pshychiatrist to adjust my meds finally.

Another big issue that is causing me anxiety and depression is school and how my brain has changed. I can't even put a sentence together in my head when it comes to things I unfamiliar with. If its something I am familiar with or already know its easier but my short term memory is non existant. I can not retrieve anything. For instance math, In my math class I do really good, totally get everything. A few hours after leaving I forget everything, literally. It looks like Chinese to me. This happens in all my classes and everyday life. The other day I went to pick up my daughter from my uncles house. I have been there a ton of times. Somehow I ended up on a highway about 45 minutes away. My trip should have taken me 10 minutes. all of a sudden, I didn't recognize where I was or how to get home. I had to call a friend and he had to ddrive an hour to come get me and followed him to my uncles, then I was fine.

I need to get learning disability testing but haven't found a way to get it. There is no one at the college qualified to do it. The therapist didn't know where to get it. So I am at a loss, but school says I need to get it. I think they think I may have add as well. It runs in my family and is currently suspected in my daughter. Thank goodness she does not get the hyperactivity part =) I am just so lost. I have always been pretty intelligent and caught on to new and complicated things very quickly but that is just not who I am anymore and its very depressing. I feel like I am reverting and am just not as smart as I used to be. I always prided myself on being smart and was proud of what I could achieve at work with promotions and such. I was in no means arrogant, just proud of myself because I overcame a lot of hardships and tragedy in my life. A stranger had broke in and tried to take my life in my early twenties and that was really hard to overcome. I still have weird rituals I do every night because of that to make myself feel safe.

anyways getting off the topic. I just feel like half the person I used to be. And these doctors just add insult to injury. Not much worse than feeling invalidated by professionals when you KNOW something is seriously wrong.

[BadAttitude]

Don't panic! There is hope.

OP:

Check out your state's Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation. Every state has one by federal mandate, and with a diagnosis of MS and depression- if you have held employment before school, you may qualify to be accepted for services by the BVR.

Once you apply for services and are accepted for services by BVR, it has funding to request cognitive testing for BVR clients. They had me evaluated by a neurophychologist this spring and he reinforced issues that my speech and physical therapist identified after my last relapse. Fortunately for me, my insurance covered physical and speech therapy prescribed by my neurologist, but BVR looked at the limitation they identified from the standpoint of making you capable of continuing to perform as an employee...how to ask for reasonable accommodations when necessary, how to speak with employers about disability issues, how to structure your work flow to compensate for cognitive deficits like attention span problems, vision impairments, distractions in the work environment, etc.

I pursued neuropsych testing through BVR because they work with employers and are another resource that help with employers. You may find an avenue to cognitive therapy through BVR if you cannot have it arranged within your health care system. They could help you steer your educational plans toward careers that are harmonious with physical and/or cognitive issues you may have. Which, given my experience with BVR, reduced my stress levels considerably.