Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Fear and Sadness

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Fear and Sadness

    Greetings.

    This is my first post in this community.
    I'll try to be as brief as possible before moving onto my actual question(s).

    My husband has a brand new diagnosis, but we suspected MS months ago. He presented with optic neuritis and electrical shock pain, but there were no lesions at that time, so they gave him massive IV steroids, sent him on his way and told him he might have MS; he might not. Time would tell. In the meantime I believe he went into remission due to the steroids.

    But the pain stayed with him. We thought the pain could be due to the titanium plate he has in his back (he was a police lieutenant, injured in the line of duty), so we plowed through it. He started seeing a pain management doctor and eventually decided he didn't like the way the pain meds made him feel--and he's been dealing with the pain on his own for approximately three years now.

    I'm relating all of this so that one can see why I overlooked the personality changes...which is what has driven me to online searches in the middle of the night...while my husband sleeps.

    Soon after the optic neuritis flare-up my husband began to do and say things I had never seen him do or say (we had been married for many years before the optic neuritis presentation). One night, he threatened to shoot our cat, and I only stopped him by throwing myself in front of the door so he couldn't go out and shoot her. I told myself that he was upset about his vision changes, and the significant pain he was in. But it was just the beginning. He began making risky decisions and lost $40,000 a few months later. I overlooked that too. He had retired from the police dept. by this time due to his injury, but I felt so relieved when he did retire, because I knew something else was going on--I just didn't know what. I tried telling myself (successfully for awhile) that my husband was in severe pain and was no longer able to cope with the daily struggles of life.


    Since the optic neuritis, my husband has had long periods (2-4 mos.) of time when he seemed alright, but these times of peace were punctuated by periods of irrational anger, hyper-vigilance, severe anxiety, panic attacks, verbal outbursts, extreme swearing (highly offensive words) and a lack of inhibition.

    About six months go, I began to realize that we were in one loooong period of emotional outbursts and irrational anger. I have quietly cried myself to sleep so many times (I have to be quiet because my husband will become agitated if he hears me cry). Memories of the wonderful man I used to know torment me.

    But the most unusual thing I have noticed is that my husband's outbursts, irrationality and cognitive fog seem to be significantly pronounced at night. It's reminiscent of sundowning--but I looked up sundowners syndrome and that's not what he has.

    So (finally) here are my questions:

    -Has anyone ever heard of MS effecting significant emotional changes (before diagnosis--I'm not talking about depression), and severe personality changes? The information online seems to be...selective and limited.

    -Is there anyone out there with similar experiences?

    -Has anyone ever had personal experience with a spouse or loved one who demonstrated a significant increase in personality/cognitive issues in the evening?

    -Is there a possibility that my husband's emotional/cognitive issues will worsen? (This is one of my greatest fears.)

    -Lastly, how do I cope with the depression that is constantly threatening to engulf me? I love my husband, but I find myself trying to stay away from him (which upsets him and only exacerbates his foul moods).

    I'm profoundly sad...

    Thank you for reading.

    Janie

    #2
    I'm so sorry for what you and you're husband are gong through.

    MS can indeed cause changes in personality and behavior, depending on where lesions are located. But I'm not a neuro of course and am only speculating.

    Have you thought about encouraging your husband to go for a full neurological work-up? Only then will you know for sure what's causing his outburst.

    Severe pain and depression can also cause the types of things your hubby is experiencing.

    Will it get worse? I don't know anything except that ms generally does get worse, at least in my experience. My husband has had progressive ms for almost 20 years and is just a shell of the person I once knew (who can barely do anything for himself) and who just wants me to agree with everything he says and does.

    It's a hard life with a spouse with this disease. Please seek some counseling for yourself if possible and don't try to bear the challenge of being the wellspouse all alone.

    hugs M

    Comment


      #3
      Hi Janie,
      Wow I'm really sad this is happening. It is possible that lesions on the brain can cause the emotional lability you describe. At the present it sounds extremely serious and I would urge you not to wait for any further decompensation before you insist he get a psychological evaluation. Perhaps his neurologist can help with a referral.

      My biggest concern at this time is safety. Please remove the weapons from your home. I know as a former law enforcement agent he is likely attached to his guns but from what you describe he is no longer safe with them. This is one of the times when facing "the writing on the wall" is crucial.

      Please keep us posted. Jules
      He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
      Anonymous

      Comment


        #4
        Hello Janie14 and welcome to MSWorld.

        He presented with optic neuritis and electrical shock pain, but there were no lesions at that time, so they gave him massive IV steroids, sent him on
        Soon after the optic neuritis flare-up my husband began to do and say things I had never seen him do or say (we had been married for many years before the optic neuritis presentation).
        Steroids can cause "roid rage," and other psychological problems. I don't know the time frame of steroid use to now but you may need to speak to his Neurologist about the possible effects the steroids have/had on him.

        http://www.drugs.com/pro/solu-medrol.html
        Psychic derangements may appear when corticosteroids are used, ranging from euphoria, insomnia, mood swings, personality changes, and severe depression, to frank psychotic manifestations. Also, existing emotional instability or psychotic tendencies may be aggravated by corticosteroids.
        From what you have described I would hesitate blaming his rage and emotional instability on MS.

        He started seeing a pain management doctor and eventually decided he didn't like the way the pain meds made him feel--and he's been dealing with the pain on his own for approximately three years now.
        How is he dealing with his pain? Is he self-medicating (drugs, alcohol,ect)? If he is self-medicating you may or may not be aware of it.

        Is it possible he is still taking the pain medications prescribed but in a higher dose than prescribed?

        (
        he was a police lieutenant, injured in the line of duty),
        Due to his line of work and being injured in the line of duty I wonder if he has ever been evaluated for any mental health issues, specifically Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

        These have only been some of my thoughts on what you have written. Your answer to the questions I have asked are not necessary for you to answer, just something for you to consider, discuss with your husband or think about.

        MSWorld is not a private website so any information given can be easily found through various search engines.

        how do I cope with the depression that is constantly threatening to engulf me?
        Please seek the help and advice of a medical and/or mental health professional
        Diagnosed 1984
        “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic

        Comment


          #5
          Hi Janie,

          I'm so sorry about all you're going through with your husband. Your husband's emotional issues might have something to due with MS. Maybe not or it is a combination of factors. The uncontrolled pain can't be helping his situation, either. It will take the help of medical professionals to determine the true cause(s) and offer treatments so you will, hopefully, get back the wonderful man you married.

          Here's a few links about emotional changes and MS:
          http://www.nationalmssociety.org/abo...ges/index.aspx http://www.momentummagazineonline.co...ides-moods-ms/

          Steroids can affect moods, sometimes quite seriously. (But, once the steroids are completely out of a person's system, this should subside.) Once I developed steroid induced psychosis, and was fortunate the hospital staff recognized it so I could be prescribed anti-psychotic meds.
          http://www.nationalmssociety.org/abo...ids/index.aspx

          Sundowner's was mentioned by Windwalker in his post in this thread:
          http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=131068

          And here's just a couple of threads about anger:
          http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthr...ighlight=Anger
          http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthr...ighlight=Anger
          http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthr...ighlight=Anger

          I can only try to encourage you to seek out some professional guidance for yourself, as well, to keep you from drowning.

          I'm glad you reached out to us, and we're here to offer whatever support we can.

          (((Hugs))) ,
          Kimba

          “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ― Max Planck

          Comment


            #6
            Thank you for your concern, your thoughtful responses and your shared experiences. I read your replies with great interest and gratitude! It had not occurred to me that I might be looking at a combination of causal factors. It appears as if our issues may be, as you suggested, more complex than I realized.

            We go back to the neurologist in a few weeks and I'm not leaving until I have some referrals to other disciplines.

            You were all correct in surmising that pain is a central factor in my husband's life. His pain is often extreme, but he categorically refuses to take meds for his situation. I think they make him feel as if he's not in control...which is vitally important to him. I suppose the MS diagnosis will challenge that aspect of his personality as well.

            We were actually relieved when we received the MS diagnosis originally, because it gave us something to hang our proverbial hat on. But now I see that this may only answer some of my questions and concerns.

            I find myself trying quell the rinsing panic I feel when I let myself dwell on our future, but I've gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing, so for now, I focus on each day and try to take care of my husband's growing list of needs. He does not know how this has affected me, and I probably won't ever tell him. He seems so emotionally fragile these days. I simply cannot add to his pain.

            Thank you again for your suggestions and comforting words. They meant a great deal.

            Janie

            Comment

            Working...
            X