Seekind Advice

[Seekinghelp12]

My husband was diagnosed with progressive remitting MS 7 yrs ago, he was in the army for over 10 yrs as an Infantry Man and he was medically retired at 100% 3 years ago. We have been married for 6 yrs, i was also in the army for 12.

Recently he has started to become mean and belligerent any time someone offers him help, to the point of offending people. Example: He dropped his cane in the store and the woman behind us tried to pick it up for him and first he asked her not, then when she continued siting its ok not a problem he yelled put it down i dont need your help i am not dead.

Next just last night we where out for a social event and i stated that i would drive because i had not been drinking, he got so mad at me because i didnt ask him exactly the way he wanted me to using specific words that we got in an argument and he jerked the wheel and made me crash. Thankfully no one was hurt except for a bush and the car but this is getting out of hand.

I want to ask him to stop drinking and/or talk to someone about his anger/stress but I am afraid he will just get upset again. And honestly in the past talking to someone has not worked because he never tell them the whole truths, only what he remembers and they end up telling him that i am being unreasonable and too hard on him. Please does anyone have any suggestion?

** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[Marco]

I'm sorry for your situation and hope it improves quickly. Whether he is an alcoholic, self-medicating with alcohol or simply bitter it really sounds like he needs help. I remember the first time I filled out an assessment for PTSD I was SHOCKED that my results were that I probably had PTSD. Anger wasn't my issue, but I was continually scanning for dangers, sleep disturbances and other issues directly related to PTSD.

You know him better than anyone else, what do you think he might respond to? He may not listen to you, but maybe he will listen to someone else. A father's advice? Best friend? or anyone else that he might go to or listen to their advice?

Is he currently on any medications for anxiety or depression? If so, is he taking them? Hiding them? What doctor is prescribing them? You might contact the prescribing doctor and let them know what is going on. See if you can get your husband into an appointment where the doctor will ask him questions about his drinking and anger levels.


Other avenues:
There is also an online resource at http://veteranscrisisline.net/ or by phone at 1-800-273-8255 (option 1) that may be helpful. This service was started because of the high suicide rate of veterans, but they help any veteran ... not just suicidal ones.

If your husband has combat experience, I would suggest you look at the "Vet Center" as a possible resource. It was founded by Vietnam Veterans that were disappointed with VA care so they started their own counseling service (limited to combat veterans & family). They also have access to many resources that may be helpful to you both. They have 1-on-1 counseling, as well as, group therapy for anger management issues, etc.

Don't forget you also need help. Even if he will not get help, you should probably see a counselor yourself. When we are so close to situations we often don't see where we could make improvements for our own sanity.

I wish there was an easy answer, but soldiers often deal with way more overwhelming *stuff* than mere humans should have to deal with. MS only complicates the issue, but probably doesn't cause them. Just my 2cents.

I hope someone can give you much better advice and/or direction than I have. Thank you both for your service and Godspeed.

[Seekinghelp12]

Thank you for your advice, i will check into vet center. He was un able to deploy because of the MS while he was active but I did so maybe they can still help us.