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Love, Stress and MS

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    Love, Stress and MS

    Love, stress and MS

    I fell in love with a woman who confessed her love for me. We never lived together except in each other’s hearts. It was beautiful, magical, thrilling and brought me a joy I hadn’t felt in years. Loving her made life “life” again. We meshed together like old friends so it was easy to spend hours talking, laughing and sharing personal thoughts and experiences. We supported each other through tough moments and comforted each other by sending text messages while in waiting rooms.

    However, over the past two months she has pulled away, avoiding and ignoring me, and slowly shutting me out of her life without explanation. Like me, she has MS and has her own problems to deal with so although I want things the way they used to be, I love her and don’t want to add to her burdens by contacting her when it appears she wants to be left alone. The way she treats me has broken my heart and damaged my ability to trust others even as friends.

    The pain of a broken heart BEGINS at the heart and spreads out, compromising not only our mental and emotional health but extends itself to the physical as well. The stress of trying to cope with such a sudden and unexpected loss has thrown me backwards into several debilitating flares.

    I have been experiencing the most physical pain yet since having MS. Every symptom I have has been exasperated, heightened and has tested my desire to live. Insomnia, heart palpitations, constant headaches, easily startled, fragile emotions, fatigue, weakness, sharp pain in face, ribs, legs and back, bouts of blurry vision, choking on my food, endless dizziness, a ringing in both ears so loud it’s painful. I’m so foggy brained that I stare at walls for hours, not noticing the world around me. My short-term memory is worse than it’s ever been and I have started stuttering during conversations along with an involuntary shaking of my head.

    One afternoon I collapsed in the corner of my bathroom under the strain. Every part of my existence, everything I was made up of; heart, mind, soul and body was in constant turmoil and pain. I cried until I had nothing left and then fell asleep on the floor holding a towel.

    When I got myself together I knew I needed some help but since I can no longer drive and have great difficulty riding in cars because of vertigo, I instead have been self medicating with various pain killers in an effort to relive the anguish until I can get through this. I don’t recommend doing this and I hope I won’t have to do it for long. I am broken now but will fight to get myself back again as soon as I get the strength.

    The topic is NOT about her or how she has treated me, it’s about weighing the price of getting hurt. Is losing MORE of your health worth it?
    Having MS and falling in love, is it worth the risk? A question I never thought I would ask but wish I had.

    #2
    MSsssensitive

    To answer my own question, when I weigh the happiness she brought me against the agony of exaggerated MS symptoms I can say YES, it is worth the risk. I will have these symptoms whether I get stressed from a broken heart or broken computer. I believe that MS has made me ultra-sensitive not only physically but emotionally as well, which has caused me to take things WAY to personally and blow other things out of proportion. Can you relate?

    Take for instance my parrot that was irritable one morning and decided she wanted personal space instead of playtime with mom. She let me know this by biting my thumb. She didn’t break skin or even hurt my thumb but I immediately took it personal, letting my feelings get hurt. She didn’t mean to hurt me because if she had, she would have removed my thumb from my hand in one bite. I just don’t do well with rejection of any kind lately.

    I’m glad that I fell in love and it’s unfair to blame her for my symptoms. A flare is inevitable with or without stress. She gave me many joyful memories that make me smile, give me courage and ease my suffering. I won’t let MS to take her gift from me.

    I don’t like the idea of adding on another medication to the regiment but I don’t want to live like an open wound either. Is anyone else experiencing super sensitive emotions? Are you taking anything that helps? I’m reaching out here friends.

    Comment


      #3
      I am glad to hear that you are still talking to her. Be sure to COMMUNICATE. It is always good to know what the "other person" is thinking, feeling, going through.

      My wish is for you to stay happy and stay in communicae with her.
      Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

      Comment


        #4


        Mine went away. Im so depressed more depressed then I have been in quite awhile.

        Comment


          #5
          I gave in and gave up.

          The woman I gave my heart to didn't exactly quit talking to me. But when we found out that I might have MS and she couldn't prove it was any other disease instead, she and her family began to verbally and mentally abuse me. I ran away and gave up believing.

          I now have a definitive dx of RRMS and am told that even back then they had the answer just didn't want to be the ones to make the call. It wouldn't have changed anything much as I see it. From what I saw - I am lucky they didn't call it then. I was given the chance to get away safely. Only casualty was my heart. The rest of me made it out and I believe no one could ever wish to be with me. And that is ok.

          Comment

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