@ Rest Area Newbies Lounge, Sep. 23 '12

[journeyman]

NO. One does not exist.

Good thing this place has spell check, grammar check, and preview. It makes me sound so much more intelligent.

I have been in a fog for three days now. I lay awake off and on at night scaird of a relapse. I guess I got used to it being well for so long.

I think the part that frightens me the most is when the time I was caught by my wife trying to go to church naked with five socks on one foot and trying to change the TV with a shoe. And yesterday outside in my peppermint boxers. When I am going through those kind of episodes they seem to be acceptable and normal. I don't know I am in that state. I am just frightened of what I might do.

I even skip church and social events for fear of what I might say or do. I don't worry so much about me as I do about my wife in that situation. She's aware and is tough but I would hate to bring that kind of embarrassment to her. She has been so good to me, works her butt off for me and I love her so dearly for all the sacrifices she makes for me.

This is the only place I can hide and feel normal and accepted. I feel I can share and we can laugh together because we all understand each other. It brings me great sadness that I have withdrawn so much from the world. I am used to me medical field team leader on medical mission to Central and South America, a convention speaker/educator and teacher. I've been on TV and on radio. Now when we go to a restaurant I insist on sitting in the corner with my back to the wall in case I do something stupid with my wife in front of me and guides me.

I am contemplating stopping my Neuros. That is except for their every six month check up. They are doing nothing for me. I am not on any medication prescribed by them and my Primary is very sharp and closely monitors my labs as well as a medicine management shrink.

I have gotten so used to my MS pattern that I don't need them anymore unless I run down the street naked or something like that and need hospitalization.

I am just thinking about it. I have not made a decision yet. My next appt. will tell me a lot and I plan to ask them why should I keep coming except for my annual MRI. Insurance with a dx of MS plays big in that as because I get a lot of perks.

Love you all. I pray that your symptoms are less this week. Also as you know how much talk and write depends on how much antagonism I get from Gomer and what help I can shed depends upon how often I check in here. I feel selfish that I have taken up so much space for "ME." I keep hoping I say something that will help someone else.
Dave Tampa, Florida
"Journeyman"

[gomer]

Oh J-man........

I think I have an idea how you feel about some doctors.
I have a new term for them. I call it Dr. w/ADD, standing for Assume & Dismiss Disorder.

Gomer Sir Falls-a-lot

[journeyman]

Not sure what to call it but I know what it is.

They act all excited. Get you hooked and dependent. They offer all kinds of options. Get tired of hearing your story. Get bored with your story. Start stiff arming you. Distancing takes place. You get tired and bored with their non-action. You move on to someplace else to get hooked and more attention. Somewhere they will start offering you a "hope hook" again.
Dave

[alishape]

Cheer up you guys! I am very scared too, but we gotta stick together and bouy our spirits. I am going on vacation tomorrow am boy you never know what will happen. Especially since my ear is jacked and this will be my first time on a plane since this whole thing started. I hope my eardrum does not burst. Woo wee! I'm still excited. I will be checking in on yall to make sure there are NO CHAINSAWS and as little ladder climbing as possible.

I am not as dissatisfied with doctors as you guys are. Probably because I learned in the navy that they do not know their ** from holes in the ground. 800 milligrams of motrin was the cure for everything back then and I finding it is still true today. Still and all, I think we all still have more good days than bad ones. If not we appreciate the ones we do get and hold them precious as never before. I hope you all will see a pretty sunrise to renew your spirits. That is what I am planning to do as often as posible will on vacay!

[gomer]

alishape... do not laugh or cringe too hard.......

A few years ago I did some yard trimming, using guess what for BALANCE? Yep a real live running CHAIN SAW!
(now u know why I don't tease Dav bout chain saws)

Enjoy your flight and vacation.......

Gomer Sir Falls-a-lot

[journeyman]

Chain saw joke.

My comment about hanging up my chainsaw was meant as a joke.

I haven't used a chainsaw since 1982.

Note: THE FOLLOWING MAY NOT BE FOR THE SQUEAMISH REGARDING GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS ABOUT BODY PARTS.

I think I changed my avatar so if you look closely you will see a notch in my nose.

I nearly removed all of my nose when a chain saw kicked back into my face when I hit a small piece of barbed wire buried in a dead tree that was once used as a fence post. The tree grew around it.

I left the left half of my nose somewhere in the field. (I was cutting wood for a fellow-church goer. A group of five to ten men would go out as a team and cut each other's wood for the winter each w/e so I wasn't alone.)

I severed my septum and tore up the sinuses. It took three years to repair the damage. My nose is now made up of the cartilage of my ears and is covered with skin from under my arm near the bicep. (Amazing work these Plastic Surgeons can do.) I just this year had the sinuses and drainage tubes corrected.

I used to work in a cardiac surgery unit and patients would complain about the scar. I used to blow them off and tell them, "Oh, just put Vit. E. cream on it and stay out of the sun for a year and nobody will know. After walking around a hospital as an RN with no nose I discovered a much greater appreciation for a patient with altered body concept problems. My psychological trauma was much harder to get over than the actual physical injury. I was taught a great lesson.

I think that is why I am here and sensitive to all of us with pain, confusion, altered body concept. That also is why I switched to Psych Nursing.

Dave Tampa, FL
"Journeyman"

[journeyman]

Am I the only one here. Update, Neuro/Cog test.

Well I just got my Neuro/Cognitive test results.

It had improved dramatically over the one I had in 2008

They noted that I had a deficit in my right hand which makes sense since I have a sizable lesion in the left hemisphere.

Not a word regarding epilepsy. Did say they thought my deficits were related to MS.

They did say I was depressed and anxious over my medical condition - duh.

My med. mgt. doc., my neurologist, and now this Psych. testing doc all are telling me that I need to go back to the shrink to help me with my depression. My depression is about zero compared to what it has been the rest of my life. I'm great now compared to then. In fact its all the epilepsy crap and limbo that has me depressed and worried.

They did say that I was very intelligent and in the 91st percentile.!!! but they also told me that I don't focus on tasks or listen and carry out the tasks.

My wife said that we didn't need a test to tell us that. She says that that was a given.

Overall better than I had expected. I feel better now.
Dave Tampa, Florida
"Journeyman"

[gomer]

J-man....ya NOT reading MY postings lately?

I would never had known you tried to cut your own noise off, (to spite whom or whatever) your snout looked rather unremarkable to me the times we met, or I just didn't notice it. On the other hand one time I did not see (or misjudged) a softball and got my snout flattened a little, many many decades ago.

Gomer Sir Falls-a-lot

[unsureofanything]

on the upside?

hey journeyman

sounds like you are having a rough time (duh, i know) and i can understand your concern about your behaviour, it's gone through my head about me more times then i care to relate.

But it's really not your fault. I'm sure you know that already but its sometimes easy to forget that there's a reason why it happens and it has nothing to do with your intentions, and the consequences sound harmless anyway. It's just a minor breach of social convention in the scheme of things. I take it you believe in God as you're a church goer? Well as far as I know from my Christian upbringing, he made you and it was people that made clothes so you're closer to his image naked anyway. And even if you're not into that stuff, it's still a case of No Harm No Foul.

Also I couldn't help but notice that you put five socks on. Well would you say that western male clothing typically consists of 5 components? socks, shirt, pants, shoes and underwear. So on some level I think you were trying to do the whole job and something got mixed up, again, not your fault, and anyone who gives you a hard time for that can basically get stuffed. If they've got a problem with it, and your manner precludes you from being blunt, maybe send them here and I'll straighten them out. What we all don't need is having unfair judgment passed on us. You're harmless and peppermint is a nice colour anyway.

You seem like a nice guy and don't deserve to be hard on yourself. Not sure what your docs have to say about the counting aspect of your dressing ritual but maybe you could use that to your advantage too? Like your counting logic makes sense. So if you haven't already height of drawers for clothes by position on body, label drawer by order of application, with a sign that says "dress by order of numbers" and if you are having a rough day and forget which number you're up to, ask your missus, she'll be able to see by what you're wearing at the time and can point at the correct drawer so you can climb back on the horse?

Just an idea. Good luck with current developments and look after yourself. Just telling your story helps people anyway. I'm pretty sure you mentioned a garden in another post well that helped me out reading it so even if you don't have advice right now you're still helping at least one person. Take care.

[journeyman]

Hey, Unsure - I see you're on-line.

First of all thanks for the great uplifting post. I really enjoyed reading it and read it to my wife as well.

You have a gifted perspective on the flow of things. I am so analytical and also have an artistic side too. But you have a wonderful third rail that I so admire in people. Yes being in my boxers is closer to the way God created me but I felt as though I was wearing just a fig leaf.

You mentioned the number "5." Unfortunately all five socks were on one foot. Even then I was closer to God but my wife didn't think it would fly.

Regarding my neighbors - my wife grew up in this house and her father was an alcoholic and was rescued in his briefs rolling around in the street in a garbage can trying to retrieve his favorite drink glass that fell in. So I think I am pretty safe. This neighborhood is pretty used to weird goings on here. But sometimes my own embarrassment is worse that the history of this neighborhood. Even if someone had seen me I doubt if they would have thought it was anything out of the ordinary.

If you're interested in the gardening thing you can go to my profile page and write me an e-mail. My brother, sister and I have been gardening all our lives. My sister is a landscaper for the re-stored colonial village in Williamsburg, VA, My brother has had his own nursery and I as a teenager worked with a nursery owner to make my play money. Drop me a line.

My problem with the drawer suggestion is that when I get that confused I don't know what a dresser, clothes, or numbers are. I live in my own fishbowl. The Neuros think I am having a seizure which I have been on meds for since 1980. But the are thinking that when I have a relapse I become more "epileptic" and they all get together and gang up on me. Right now they are trying to sort that all out.

I really appreciated your post and it really brightened our day. My wife is a great caretaker, counselor (learned from me) and the love of my life. If I hiccup she is on it.

I look forward to hearing from you. You certainly a gifted thinker and writer.
Dave Tampa, Florida
"Journeyman"

[journeyman]

Gomer

Growing up my best friend had a great scar on his cheek. I always admired it. It gave him a tough, gangster look about his chiseled features.

My chainsaw injury was pure chance. They say you don't always get what you ask for. I always wanted my "cool" scar.
The Plastic Surgeon was very gifted but a butt to work with. I eventually fired him too. (one of my favorite habits.) He didn't agree with me so I stopped work before he finished and so I have some of the final scar left.

Last week my dentist told me I could get it fixed. I told him I liked it. Its a great conversation starter. However you end up with some people awed, some people green, and some people running for cover. I think I'll keep it just the way it is. Man it was ugly when I just had nothing there and had to keep it for a year that way before they could start the closure work. I learned a lot from it.
Dave
"Journeyman"

[gomer]

NOTICE to resters in our Newbie Lounge (and J-man).
For some reason despite my usual note at the bottom to the moderator that the new thread (dated Sep 30) was to replace this one as the sticky you are having to continue with the old thread.


Gomer Sir Falls-a-lot