When is it time to say 'enough'??

[profe]

Hi all, I've been a member here for a long time, but haven't posted for quite a while.

I'm a full time high school Spanish teacher, 17 years. Dx in 2011. fatigue is by far my biggest problem, along with pain in my right side (the hug, maybe?)

Lately I've been feeling The Brain Fog a lot--hard to concentrate for long periods, too much sensory input puts me on overload (yeah, 30 teenagers in a room will do that to ya), NO ability to multitask, etc. You all know the drill, I'm sure.

Off and on for a couple of years, but lately all the time, I've wondered about cutting back to part-time, or going SSDI entirely. Problem with that is, I CAN do my job.....I simply can't do anything in addition. I come home at the end of the day and I'm worthless--lay on the couch, read/watch tv, play on computer, and that's about it, except I do take my dog for a short walk (about 10 minutes) every evening. My weekends are spent taking naps and grading the papers I didn't have the energy for during the week.

During the summers, I actually have the energy to do stuff--take short vacations with my husband (also a teacher), work on the house some, I even take students on trips abroad.

I guess my question is....how do you KNOW when it's time to cut back on work, or cut it entirely? We can't afford for me to simply quit all-out unless I go to disability. But I feel like, in my 'quest' to keep teaching, I'm missing out on life.

ANY advice or insight welcome!!!

[hunterd]

I'm not a teacher, but I'll offer my insight. I quit work when it got to the point of being dangerous to both myself and to my coworkers.

As far as the hug goes I won't be any help I've never had it myself. Good luck whatever you end up doing.

[Temagami]

Soy maestra también y recibí el diagnóstico en 2011 también. Para mí, parece que tengo la energía de cumplir las obligaciones durante el día escolar, pero muchas noches me quedo en el sofá. Tengo una propiedad grande que tengo que mantener sola. Lo que me da miedo es que a veces se me olvidan unas palabras en español. Mis estudiantes saben del MS y me encanta que me traten igual como antes. Vamos a tener un equipo de la escuela para un viaje en bici el otoño que viene. Mi escuela es privada y tiene un beneficio si no puedo ser maestra de español. No sé quién lo determine. Lee atentamente las reglas de tu beneficio antes de decir algo- quizás sea mejor que una abogada lo lea. Suerte, Temagami

[profe]

correction!

Dx in 2011.

Dx in 2001, not '11. So I've been at this (teaching w/ MS) for a while now. My administration and my students know about the MS.

Temagami, mis alumnos tambien saben de mi condicion, es muy carinoso---algunos de ellos se preocupen por mi, por ejemplo si falto un dia, me preguntan cuando regreso si todo esta bien con mi MS. (Disculpa la falta de acentos, que no los puedo poner en esta computadora.)

[poohb3ar]

for me, the decision was easy. they Mgmt decided 1 wk after school that i was no longer in the budget. i'd been teaching from w/c for 2 yrs. funny thing was my job was posted in that day's paper

totally humiliating! esp when i thought everything was going well. i, too, for many years prior came home w/ nothing left to give my family. my 2 teen girls divided up the cooking, wash, housework, etc. esp when i was on avonex, shot on fri, flu on sat., weak on sun, well enough to do school on mon.
i hate the time i lost! my girls grew up fast and to some degree, i think they've never said or complained, resented my MS and their extra housework.

is it possible to lessen your hours and still be financially ok?

if i had to do it again, i might have taken that part time job 6 mos. before they fired me. don't know, won't second guess.
did enjoy being home my baby's senior yr in college esp since she joined navy mo. after graduation.

if it were me, family pow wow, pray and go with your gut decision after that.

may God bless you and you decide!

[profe]

Thanks for the thoughts. In my case "family pow wow" is my husband & me....no kids. (that's at least one fewer complication in the matter) I love my dog but he doesn't get a vote here. Although if he did I'm sure he'd vote for me to be home more.

There's a chance dh will be moving to a different job by the end of the year, way better benefits & almost 2x the pay, so if that comes through, AND if it works out, then yeah, we could do it. Cutting back hours would probably work in another year or so once we have car & credit paid off.

I just feel like I'm caught between "wanting to stick it out just for my pride" and "wanting to leave just out of fear."

Harrumph.

[profe]

Oh and poohb3ar-----THAT STINKS!! I can't believe they did that to you!!!!!!

Did you sue them?? because if EVER I've heard of wrongful firing, it's that.

So sorry!

[CGMoonbeam]

Poohbear, my mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 16, so I had to help around the house. I wasn't always happy about having to do it, but I don't regret it at all. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to have children, so don't have the help. Make sure to express to your children how much you appreciate what they do. My dad dismisses what I did and pays no attention to me now. My mom died when I was 20. I hope I eased her suffering at least a little.

[sherill]

I just feel like I'm caught between "wanting to stick it out just for my pride" and "wanting to leave just out of fear."

Harrumph.

I wish there was some research on this topic - how long did it take between starting to ask this question and when the person actually quits? And did they quit on their own, or as a result of someone else's decision? And then, why? "Budget cuts?" Performance? Of course, if there was a study like that, I don't think it would help me decide....

Lately I've been feeling The Brain Fog a lot--hard to concentrate for long periods, too much sensory input puts me on overload (yeah, 30 teenagers in a room will do that to ya), NO ability to multitask, etc. You all know the drill, I'm sure.

Yep. I always have the cog fog rolling in on Friday mornings, just from exhaustion. This last semester though, it was starting as early as Wednesday afternoons. And instead of starting off the week feeling rested, I'd be at the peak of my fatigue on Mondays.

My kids were pretty understanding of the sx that they noticed - I tell them that I have "a note from my doctor" and then we make a funny out of whatever happened. What they couldn't understand though was when I began calling them by the wrong name with more frequency - and not even the same wrong name, like a sibling's name. They would say "that's ok," but it's not ok! Sometimes they would also have to "gently remind" me that yes, I did tell someone they could go to the bathroom or look up something on the internet even though I had absolutely no recollection of having done that.... I remember that some of them began get concerned with that sx. These kinds of things were happening with more regularity and were harder to dismiss with a laugh by the end of the year.

My mental fatigue though... oh boy! I only had 3 preps, but pretty much one of them would be doing "independent study" work because I had no mental/physical capacity to take them through a lesson, or explain their assignment to them. Fortunately (for me, not my kids), I don't teach a core subject so no one really checks on me to see what I'm doing, although I did fear a student's parent calling to check up on me.

I guess all that to say, well, I don't know exactly what I'm saying! I suppose maybe just to vent my own frustrations, my own questions, my own fears of what's to come and when it will come and what I will do.

...how do you KNOW when it's time to cut back on work, or cut it entirely?

I can't help but think that if the questions are starting, perhaps it's time to start cutting back. That's being taken care of for me though by my school. They're cutting me back to only 3 classes with 2 preps. I'm kind of looking forward to having the extra time to focus on just my middle schoolers and being a more effective teacher for them...

sherill

[ms382012]

Fatigue and job change

I gave up on teaching 7 years ago when I had no idea why I was in so much pain and so exhausted all the time. I just got a CIS diagnosis after about 20 years of on and off symptoms of what I was told was fibromyalgia.

However, I found a job in education as a consultant. I get between one to two days at home each week to do paperwork and go on consults the rest of the time. The drive can get to be a problem when I have to get up early and come home late, but it's not as taxing as being in the classroom all day 5 days per week.
Have you looked into teaching online? I am considering it as a backup. I see ads for online foreign language teachers with companies like K12 or Connections Academy all the time.

[Miss Bee]

Online teaching

I taught online for two years about six years ago. It was a wonderful experience. And by now I'm sure the technology is even better. Computer speed at the time was my only problem. Teaching and relating to students from all over the US was interesting and gratifying. I stopped when I went into a different field but will return to it if/when MS symptoms make my current job too difficult.

[poohb3ar]

Oh and poohb3ar-----THAT STINKS!! I can't believe they did that to you!!!!!!

Did you sue them?? because if EVER I've heard of wrongful firing, it's that.

So sorry!

mmmm, EEOC took care of everything quite nicely. i stood up to the bullies for myself & others they'd hurt, it wasn't easy but God & family/ friends got me through and justice prevailed.

thanks for the support. it was still a blow to the ego, but in the long run i know it was for the best.

sounds good about hubby's job. hang in there and follow your gut. it's hard to let go. your pride and love of teaching and what has been your life for a long time makes it hard.
but you need to do what's best for you

take care and may God bless ya through this!

[poohb3ar]

Poohbear, my mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 16, so I had to help around the house. I wasn't always happy about having to do it, but I don't regret it at all. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to have children, so don't have the help. Make sure to express to your children how much you appreciate what they do. My dad dismisses what I did and pays no attention to me now. My mom died when I was 20. I hope I eased her suffering at least a little.

so sorry about your mom. i'm sure she was very grateful to have such a loving, caring daughter. being a teen is hard enough without that. you're a special person, i pray that your dad realizes it.
it's his loss that he's not in your life.

my girls were/ are my life savers! i probably need to tell them that more often.
i have and do tell them how much they mean to me and try not to let a day go by without reaching out to them (we're 13 driving hrs apart)
but thanks for reminding me of what blessings i have.

i pray that anyone else reading this realizes what blessings our children who end up caring for us emotionally & physically. let them and the others who help you know it.
it's not easy for them either.

God bless ya!

[profe]

still hanging in....still wondering how much more

Funny (not ha-ha funny), I just logged in for the same question again, found a bunch of comments that I hadn't realized were here--thank you all again for the replies!

But now I'm wondering more than ever whether it's time to call it. I originally posted this almost 2 years ago..... so apparently I've been feeling like this for AT LEAST that long. That can't be good, right?

And yeah, remembering the kids' names, who told me they would be absent for the test, who wants to come in after school to make something up, remembering to post a resource or schedule or something online after I tell the kids that I will...... it's getting ridiculous. I only teach 2 preps, Spanish 2 and 3, but keeping things organized? Forget it! There are plenty of days that I spend my prep period taking a quick nap, just so that I can focus for my pm classes!

I think that the real thing nudging me toward getting out is that I know I'm not as good a teacher as I used to be, or as I want to be, or as the kids deserve. That's the real jab to me: I know that they deserve better than they are getting with me, and I know that I have it inside me. It's like it's there but I can't tap into it, I can't access it. Like knowing how to put a piece of IKEA furniture together, you've done it a hundred times, you have all the pieces, you have the instructions, you have the tools.....you just somehow can't DO it any more.

Sorry for the long rant/whine/vent. I'm just so torn!!!!