Picking on Others

[isamadjul]

I agree to a point

Good points have been made but overall my point is still being missed I feel. How about I say point blank...its a handful of people that do it. I have a very dry sense of sarcasm but what I'm seeing from these few ppl is the need to get a dig out. If you where to talk to them in person they strike me as the type to get the last word in. (it has just struck me I might be trying to get the last word in )

Its not the debate of the threads and posts its the added comments that have NOTHING to do with it. I tried to come up with example but my DH wouldn't help so you don't get one...lol

My BIG picture point is lets try to be kind to people, whether its in here or out in the world. The need for a added comment isn't always needed .

And I agree with the Tomjadg about the poster that caused a uproar! If you start a thread that might cause a stir then have the courage to return! But that thread is a good example of what everyone has said in this thread!!! Good or bad, right or wrong everyone can respond with a different point of view. And there where Good word battles inside most of those posting. A very few ppl took it to name calling and downgrading him. I have a big backbone but I don't know if I would have returned to that thread after the first pg or two either.

isamadjul
(allyson)

p.s. really windtalker...it has nothing to do with me! I got on last night and read something that had that last unnecessary comment. Ticked me off so I started this thread... LOL

[Sequoia]

Just so you know, the really off-topic, personal zinger posts do not get validated (never make it to the board). Or if, as occasionally happens, one slips by us, it's deleted as soon as discovered.

We try not to be too strict about this sort of thing; open discussion has to allow for a reasonable amount of argumentativeness. What's "reasonable"? Well, that's a judgment call and we can only do our best to get it right.

[rocky282]

I do agree

I do know where you are coming from. There are several folks who post on this board, that if I see their names I just stop reading all together. They just upset me and make me angry so I choose not to read them.

In one case I was giving some advice about what I have experienced and a certain someone basically told me that I was not the normal and that person should not take what I have said into account. Every thing I post on a board where that person has posted now seems to get shot down and not in a mean way per say but just seemingly they over validate their opinion and try to make mine worth nothing, acting like they are the expert and no one else has knowledge of the topic.

So I give up, like I said if I see their name I just stay out of the conversation. No point in argueing, and I haven't met them in the chat room yet, but I think if I did I would have to say something. So perhaps it is better that I haven't. lol

Here I will end with hugs and butterflies and all things happy and good

[Redwings]

In one case I was giving some advice about what I have experienced and a certain someone basically told me that I was not the normal and that person should not take what I have said into account.

I'll post and shoot something down when someone's opinion and experience aren't posted as opinion and experience but as fact and advice for someone to follow 1) when what's expressed is factually incorrect and 2) when it's apparent that the poster has obviously assumed that "this is what happened to me so it's what's happening to you, too." If some trusting person is being misled, even though it's unintentional, they're being harmed -- yes, harmed -- by people they trusted, and they need and deserve someone to speak up for them.

Spreading factual misinformation to people who come here to learn and expecting everyone else to remain silent because they want to be "validated" and "supported" for expressing their "opinion" comes from the same place as shouting "Fire" in a crowded movie house and expecting everyone to remain silent and "support" their "free speech."

Expressing opinions is one thing. But there's an aspect to health-related forums that includes discussion of scientific and medical facts. There's a shocking amount of misinformation passed by well-meaning posters who are grossly mistaken and don't understand how completely obvious their errors are to anyone who does know the facts.

It's unfortunate that, in a venue where people come to learn facts, those who spread misinformation don't take advantage of other poster's knowledge and the opportunity to learn themselves, but instead are concerned only with their own validation. Instead, they deflect personal responsibility by complaining that they're being "picked on."

We also have, and have had, posters here who obviously make things up just to have something to say, who also have so little grasp of what they're saying that their only choice is to assume that it's the other person who must be mistaken and is "picking on" them. Democrats and Independents may appreciate this tactic as Republicans' modus operandi.

I also think it's unfortunate when posters who state valid facts and well-founded opinions feel the need to apologize for what they've said, or couch it in "IMHO," lest they offend someone who can't think beyond the obvious or beyond the "validation" their own feelings.

"Support" has to have limits. For example, we had a poster here who freely admitted stiffing her doctor on a medical bill and complained about how she wasn't getting "support" when other posters called her on it. Is being asked to face the truth and show some self-accountability really being "picked on" just because it's unpleasant?

For anyone who has inadvertently spread misinformation, which is more important to you: learning and helping other people to learn, or having your incorrect information tacitly "validated" so you feel good about it, even if someone else is being misled? And conversely, if any of you were being misled, wouldn't you like to know? Wouldn't you like someone to speak up for you?

[isamadjul]

rocky282 I agree

If see a name or 2 I run away ! Others might tick me off with a comment but its all in the way it was said. If the poster asked for a reply and it was answered but maybe not in the way I would have. Well thats my problem not the responder. Rocky282 what I do is skip right over those ppl replys..THAT IS ME BEING A CHILD! I can and will try to admit when I act that way. Is it wrong of me...YES IT IS!!! I use to not go to threads that those ppl had replied to but then I thought thats not right. So now I'm a smidge less childish.

However there are those few that seem to reply with a superior attitude that usually gets my goat! (is that the saying?) I try to give my opinion and never claim to be my PCP or Neuro and if I come off that way...my bad. I think most of us do.

I also forgot to say in my last post (if I only had a brain ) thank you MODS for all you do. I really mean that!!! I think you do a great job and I keep forgetting to post under the MODS thread but THANK YOU!!! You all do a lot of work with little thanks and without you none us would be able to start any threads or have any voice here.

isamadjul
(allyson)

[Shashi]

One thing that I've learned through my many years of posting on this and other message boards (on one of which I was a moderator for several years), is that sometimes with written messages, it's easy to misinterpret the tone behind the message. In verbal communication, we depend on facial expressions, body language, voice tone, and other non-verbal clues to help us understand what is being said and what the person's mood and intent is behind the words. But you don't get that with written communication. So sometimes something that is written might be misinterpreted as being too harsh or as though the person is picking on someone when that was not their intent at all.

On the other hand, there do seem to be times when some folks do seem to get a bit harsh. I've noticed that too. We may not all be doctors, but if someone is giving incorrect information, we can gently correct the misinformation without making that person feel bad, or recognize the original posters fear and uncertainty behind their questions and not try to make them feel that they are crazy for asking. We also don't need to be giving medical advice - period. That is a dangerous thing to do online, even if we have a medical degree. Instead, we can empathize with them, maybe validate something they are feeling or advise them to seek medical guidance or just be there to listen to them when they need to vent.

We also need to remember that everyone here, whether diagnosed or not, is going through health problems that are scary and debilitating and which can cause fear, depression, anger, etc. We need to give each other the benefit of the doubt and treat and talk to each other as we want to be treated ourselves. (If the whole world did that, it would be a much better place!)

Hugs,

Lisa

[mtnwillow]

Well said, Lisa, and thank you. I've noticed for myself: I type with 2 fingers so try to conserve effort also having cognitive dysfunction makes my missives seem blunt. I'm trying to work on this as a few times other posters have reacted as though my contribution offended them personally.
For some posters though I do think it's just their personality coming through. A few of these, I avoid.

[Sequoia]

We are fortunate here at MSWorld to have some members who are very knowledgeable about MS and are willing to take the time and energy to share their knowledge with the rest of us. These members have MS too, and we shouldn't underestimate the effort involved in typing long, detailed posts.

It should be enough, IMHO, for someone who seeks to correct misinformation to say: "That's wrong. Here's the truth." After all, that's very different from saying "You're an idiot. Here's the truth."

I don't mind blunt posts myself. However, there are some other posting styles that do bother me. I would never tell those posters to change their styles in order to make me more comfortable. It's a matter of individuality, and I'm glad we have "all kinds" here.

We come here for information, for support, and to let it all hang out in a way we often can't in real life. We recognize the importance of being able to vent freely without worrying about how we're coming across. Can't we also recognize the importance of being able to post in the style that comes naturally to us, whatever that may be?

Wouldn't it be great if we could accept each other more and judge each other less? If we could read for content and not for style?

Peace to all,

Sequoia

[502E79]

Thank you Allyson...

... for your initial post.

I've learned a lot from the MSW community. I've had to read all of each thread that may apply to me or my current problems and in doing so have arrived at a knowledge of who is best at what. I'm usually best at reading... so bare with me.

It is not scientific but we all draw conclusions from what and HOW things are posted.

The ability to present correct information is critical within a post. Many here excel at this and I am grateful. This is a writing skill as much as anything else. The facts (and source) presented in written, understandable form is an art.

Some others post differently, in more of a "face to face" manner. When face to face, body language, tone of voice, etc. can "dress up," appear agreeable or knowledgeable but is often of little context. Even to the extent of misdirection. Witness any politician....

Which I think may enjoin negativity. The posters may be seeing things that are not there. And even is they are, should be ignored.

Anis Nin said "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." There is a lot to that. Taking offense at someone for an imaginary reason (a reading between the lines) can't lead to anything positive. A post calling someone a name cannot lead to proper discourse. Posting theory as fact shouldn't have to be corrected by another, but caught in editing. Our post, our responsibility.

We should try to remember:

If you blow on an ember, it glows
If you spit on it it is put out.
Both come out of your mouth*

Jer

*Book of Sirach

[1936siol]

Pickig on others

This thread is interesting. When reading the post especially from a person we havn't read from before can hit us wrong and we take it wrong. After we have read several posts from that person we know them better and they take on a different meaning. Thank God we are all different and speak differently. Several people can say the same but each say it in a different way. I may think it blunt, funny or sincere but they all mean the same thing. I need to
think twice before I let it bother me.

Lois

[Camsue]

I think Lisa summed it up..the attitude is interpreted in the eye of the reader.

I personally try to share my own experience..I'm not an expert, had MS for a looonnnng time, taken Betaseron for 17 years..but I don't get all the 'lesion' placement stuff, does it really matter?...guess it's because I only had the initial MRI 26 years ago until recently..

Look, it's October already tomorrow!