MS and suicide

[jcrain9663]

Julie

What will talking do?

Talking could help get you pointed in the direction of some resources that might be able to help you get 'over the hump' financially.

Talking just might help you feel better if you know in your heart that someone 'gets' what you're going through.

Talking might get you hugs and compassion, which is never a bad thing.

Talking might get you an offer of help, sometimes in ways you would not expect.

Talking about it, and listening to others talk, sometimes helps me put my issues into perspective. "I was sad because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet" (paraphrased).

Just because you have MS does not mean you have to go through it alone. By sharing, and allowing others to help, you give them a gift. It makes them feel needed, and good about themselves.

That's just off the top of my head.

Not talking about it to anyone just keeps you in an endless downward spiral where you focus on what's wrong with your life.

[tommylee]

It is not just MS.
I think the suicide rate is higher for any group of people that have a chronic illness with no cure.

Anybody that lives with constant pain and a steady decline in their health is more likely to be depressed and feel hopeless?

It is more of a head game to stay "up" and find a way to be happy while our bodies seem to work against us.

I don't want to die today. I still find some pleasure in life.
That said... If I died right now I do not think it would be tragic. (at least not for me.)

[KarenR]

Call the Hotline

Anyone contemplating suicide, even if only for an instant, should call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Someone is available 24/7. It's free and 100% confidential.

[maximumlite]

Thought I would put my 2 cents in as that is something I have tried in the past and the one thing I can say is when I got to that point, the point of no return talking is the last thing you are interested in. I go into a mode that if you stood in front of me I would'nt even know who you are, it was like my mind was blank with one thing to do and that was die.

What led to this point?
I wake in pain, I live the day in pain I go to bed in pain. I lost my job, things were being cut off, my house caught on fire, my kids were'nt coming to see me, I was denied disability,problems in the marriage,my mom died, a car taken, being depressed and not getting help because no insurance and the list goes on.

That kind of stuff ate at me around the clock and it was like people knew but no one offerd help or to talk and my judgement got clouded and I could not think straight and the thought of all this being gone and being in the lords arms and being with my mom and thinking no one would miss me

Luckily someone found me and the state forced me into the hospital for the mandatory 72 hours and finally everyone saw I had a problem and I got on some different meds that help with my thinking and I keep up with going to the counselor.

This is something that has happend to me more than once and now that I want that second chance at life I get slapped with MS. I also take Rebif and if you guys don't think I'm scared, I'm scared ******less, and pay attention to what is going on. If the thought ever even cross'es your mind that is the time to talk and to get help because there may not be someone to find you laying there if you don't.

I used to think I could handle this stuff on my own, wrong, very wrong. I need my wife to make sure I take my meds because with memory loss there is a chance of accidently overdosing because you may of forgot you took your pain meds and take them again or I can forget to take the meds that keep my mind straight and at times I think I can stop taking them and that is also wrong.

I hope no one here ever gets to that low point in life because it is a shameful experience and the doc's are careful what they give you. I also got some pain management and got my disability and things seem to be looking up, except for trouble in the marriage but I will overcome and I am a needed person and I am not worthless. I pray that this will never happen again and I now talk in advance so I will never get to that place again and each time I've tried it was because I kept things inside and people out. Sorry so long but this was really the short version

[jcrain9663]

Thought I would put my 2 cents in as that is something I have tried in the past and the one thing I can say is when I got to that point, the point of no return talking is the last thing you are interested in. I go into a mode that if you stood in front of me I would'nt even know who you are, it was like my mind was blank with one thing to do and that was die.

What led to this point?
I wake in pain, I live the day in pain I go to bed in pain. I lost my job, things were being cut off, my house caught on fire, my kids were'nt coming to see me, I was denied disability,problems in the marriage,my mom died, a car taken, being depressed and not getting help because no insurance and the list goes on.

That kind of stuff ate at me around the clock and it was like people knew but no one offerd help or to talk and my judgement got clouded and I could not think straight and the thought of all this being gone and being in the lords arms and being with my mom and thinking no one would miss me

Luckily someone found me and the state forced me into the hospital for the mandatory 72 hours and finally everyone saw I had a problem and I got on some different meds that help with my thinking and I keep up with going to the counselor.

This is something that has happend to me more than once and now that I want that second chance at life I get slapped with MS. I also take Rebif and if you guys don't think I'm scared, I'm scared ******less, and pay attention to what is going on. If the thought ever even cross'es your mind that is the time to talk and to get help because there may not be someone to find you laying there if you don't.

I used to think I could handle this stuff on my own, wrong, very wrong. I need my wife to make sure I take my meds because with memory loss there is a chance of accidently overdosing because you may of forgot you took your pain meds and take them again or I can forget to take the meds that keep my mind straight and at times I think I can stop taking them and that is also wrong.

I hope no one here ever gets to that low point in life because it is a shameful experience and the doc's are careful what they give you. I also got some pain management and got my disability and things seem to be looking up, except for trouble in the marriage but I will overcome and I am a needed person and I am not worthless. I pray that this will never happen again and I now talk in advance so I will never get to that place again and each time I've tried it was because I kept things inside and people out. Sorry so long but this was really the short version

I agree wholeheartedly with you, Maximumlite, and think everyone with MS (or depression, or whatever) should read your post. Someone who has 'been there' has a more powerful voice, I think.

[Sequoia]

Can talking to someone pay my bills because I took 2weeks of fmla off to take care of me,only to return to work this past monday,as a nurse,no less,and here I am wiped from caring for others,in bed,cant do the things I want,account overdrawn,cant pay my car payment...and i need to add,i live so simply it would floor most of u. What makes me happy,is surfing,kayaking,yoga....but,i am a servant to the sick,and end of week,im sick,broke,angry,hopeless,yeah,suicidal. So,what is talking to somone gonna do. i feel this depression is situational with a huge dash of the ms depression sprinkled on it.

Talking to someone, as in a mental health professional, can't pay your bills, or solve any of your other financial problems, or relieve your MS symptoms.

What it can do is help you to see, and break free of, your habitual ways of perceiving your situation. There may be ways of coping that you simply haven't thought of, or have thought of and rejected out of hand.

As a veteran of many years of "talking" I can tell you that a good therapist is worth his/her weight in gold to a willing patient. And you might be surprised how many good therapists offer their services for free through county mental health programs and the like. One of the best I ever had treated me at no charge during a time when our family income was very low and we lived very simply at the poverty line (with 5 children to boot).

As an aside, being plugged in with a therapist could help with any fallout from the discovery of your overuse of Nuvigil.

There is help out there, and it does help!

[billiejeane]

Well, I'll be honest, and admit I have thought about it.

Not right now, because I can still work(desk work), have medical benefits to fight this, and walk to some extent.
I can't do much else unless I am sitting.

If I get to the point of not being able to work, have no benefits, and become even MORE of a burden to my wonderful wife (I have to watch her do everything now), I would consider it as long as she wouldn't lose insurance benefits for me.
I would do it quietly, painless, and no mess.

I agree with Julie. I don't need to "talk" to someone. I know exactly why I would do this. Every day is a chore the whole time I am awake, but at least I am in no pain.
I have had a great life, great wife, a lot of great vacations, and I am getting tired of living on my couch.

I'll see how things go in the future, but it is an option.

I am not crazy or severly depressed...just a realist.

EXACTLY! your just being realistic. That is what I told someone today! I have no chlildren,so wouldn't hurt them,I am engaged but I have talked with him about it. I am just beiing realistic.

[billiejeane]

What will talking do?

Talking could help get you pointed in the direction of some resources that might be able to help you get 'over the hump' financially.

Talking just might help you feel better if you know in your heart that someone 'gets' what you're going through.

Talking might get you hugs and compassion, which is never a bad thing.

Talking might get you an offer of help, sometimes in ways you would not expect.

Talking about it, and listening to others talk, sometimes helps me put my issues into perspective. "I was sad because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet" (paraphrased).

Just because you have MS does not mean you have to go through it alone. By sharing, and allowing others to help, you give them a gift. It makes them feel needed, and good about themselves.

That's just off the top of my head.

Not talking about it to anyone just keeps you in an endless downward spiral ere you focus on what's wrong with your life.

Okay,lead me in the right direction. is it free? Can it let me work less hours at work and still get benefits? i dont want to spend my life working than spending my weekends on the couch. no way . oh no way. and that is whats happening. my sx's are getting worse from working,when i take much needed fmla,i lose money,that causes more stress,which makes my sx's worse,so on and o forth. so,as i lie here,barely able to lift my head i am so tired,all of what you are saying,and thank u,how is that gonna help? i stil dont understand?

[billiejeane]

What will talking do?

Talking could help get you pointed in the direction of some resources that might be able to help you get 'over the hump' financially.

Talking just might help you feel better if you know in your heart that someone 'gets' what you're going through.

Talking might get you hugs and compassion, which is never a bad thing.

Talking might get you an offer of help, sometimes in ways you would not expect.

Talking about it, and listening to others talk, sometimes helps me put my issues into perspective. "I was sad because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet" (paraphrased).

Just because you have MS does not mean you have to go through it alone. By sharing, and allowing others to help, you give them a gift. It makes them feel needed, and good about themselves.

That's just off the top of my head.

Not talking about it to anyone just keeps you in an endless downward spiral where you focus on what's wrong with your life.

And i do talk about it,I have a fiance,and he can only do so much. his kids are pro-surfers and he is traveling all over the world,dam that pisses me off,and i am not gonna take him down with me.

[billiejeane]

Anyone contemplating suicide, even if only for an instant, should call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Someone is available 24/7. It's free and 100% confidential.

Again,what are they gonna do?

[billiejeane]

Talking to someone, as in a mental health professional, can't pay your bills, or solve any of your other financial problems, or relieve your MS symptoms.

What it can do is help you to see, and break free of, your habitual ways of perceiving your situation. There may be ways of coping that you simply haven't thought of, or have thought of and rejected out of hand.

As a veteran of many years of "talking" I can tell you that a good therapist is worth his/her weight in gold to a willing patient. And you might be surprised how many good therapists offer their services for free through county mental health programs and the like. One of the best I ever had treated me at no charge during a time when our family income was very low and we lived very simply at the poverty line (with 5 children to boot).

As an aside, being plugged in with a therapist could help with any fallout from the discovery of your overuse of Nuvigil.

There is help out there, and it does help!

I just dont see it that way? And i overtake the nuvigil to keep working. So,the rich get healthy and the middle class with a chronic illness get sicker. funny story....i was at pharmacy picking up nuvigil yesterday,on cell phone talking to drs,pts., etc etc...my pharmacist said "julie,your incredible,you should be on a commercial for people with ms cuz u havent filed for ssdi,you just keep going" I bursted out laffing. I couldnt believe it. Little did he know,I wanted to off myself yesterday. little did he know,today,i woke up to an overdrawn account,after getting paid today,and i make decent money,little did he know,i've been crying all day,shades drawn,havent eaten,mind racing. I thought that was funny. maybe i should be on commercial for nuvigil.

[billiejeane]

You guys,I am a tuff chick....I can handle the ms sx's,what I cant handle is work increasing my sx's and stealing my life. Tose 2 weeks of fmla,i was so good,i had sx's,i do everyday,but i could handle them and do my hobbies,which keep me sane,and they are sloooooooooooowly slippping away. At one time in my life running saved me. than surfing,cant do so much of that anymore.....and after returning to work on monday(i work m-thursday) and waking up so sick today,and checking my acount online which was negative, reeeeeeeeeeeeeally made me realize,I am screwed. totally. i think it is awesome people can have a positive attitude. i try,and i get beaten down by ms. i want to work 2-3 days a week and still get benefits. Well,we cant always get what we want. So @#$% me. My neighbor is a parapalegic from surfing,him and i talk quite a bit,he feels the same way,but he has children and grandchildren. We have gotten pretty deep on the topic of suicide. And how amazing is the guy that he didnt opt for ssdi? he is an engineer and works fromm home and goes to office 1 day a week. Thank god for that for him. As far as I go,well,nursing,it is physically and mentally draining and I feel so stuck. and to be honest,i am not afraid of suicide. i think it sounds like a comforting alternative. And,did i mention i have to see a rheumy cuz ana speckled and elevated and rh factor veryyyyyyyyyyyyy high? no thanks, im not up for this,unless of course,i had about 200grand. There,I talked.

[SNOOPY]

Depression and Suicide have many faces and not all have the face of MS.

Depression at it's worse can feel like you are in a dark hole and for the person in that dark hole it can be very difficult and sometimes impossible to leave. It is at that point suicide becomes a very real possibility.

Friends and family, in many cases, are shocked that their loved one or friend comitted suicide - no one had any idea, the person acted normal.

The suicidal person can act quite normal on the outside but what is going on on the inside is quite different. At this point there is no longer rational thinking. The person feels hopeless, worthless, as if no one cares. Everyone would be better off without them.

Rarely do those who are planing suicide talk about what they are planning. One day they are with family and friends and the next day they are dead.

Getting help for yourself by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 as posted by
KarenR, contacting a mental health professional(s) (private or county) or admitting yourself to an inpatient hospital will save your family and friends much heartache.

[Sequoia]

There,I talked.

I'm truly sorry about your predicament, and I do appreciate your opening up in more detail.

I have to say, though, that although you're talking, you don't seem to be listening. The kind of "talking" people are recommending, whether it's between friends or between patient & therapist, is a conversation.

The way to derive benefit from talking is to receive input from other people and give it time to sink in, while being open to the possibility that it may be useful to you even if it doesn't seem so at first. Rejecting all suggestions out of hand only leaves you where you began...stuck inside your own head, running through the same repetitive thought-loops.

With concern,

Sequoia

[SNOOPY]

juliebrush:

And i overtake the nuvigil to keep working.

Little did he know,I wanted to off myself yesterday. little did he know,i've been crying all day,shades drawn,havent eaten,mind racing.

i feel this depression is situational with a huge dash of the ms depression sprinkled on it.

You guys,I am a tuff chick....I can handle the ms sx's,what I cant handle is work increasing my sx's and stealing my life.

Julie, you aren't handling anything, you are falling apart on the inside. It's what's going on inside that counts, not what everyone else sees. The core of who you are on the inside is what is important not what strangers or even family/friends see on the outside.

It's not your job that is stealing your life it is this disease but it can be easier to blame other things, such as a job, for problems created by having a chronic disease.

As a nurse I know you are aware of the problems overuse of a drug like Nuvigil can cause. At this point, it doesn't sound like Nuvigil is helping but might be causing more problems for you.

You had mentioned at one time you were taking an anti-depressant. By reading your posts and the parts I have quoted it doesn't sound like the AD is helping any longer. ADs can stop working.

The right anti-depressant in combination with a good therapist can make a difference between life and death, happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow. Psychotherapy is not a quick fix but a process that can take time.

There are resources available for those who are low income/no income.

Take care