MS and suicide

[isamadjul]

My brother

I thought very hard about posting this. My hope is that you see that everyone is hurt. Those left behind and those who take there lifes. When they take there lifes they may not know they hurt us but I think if they knew they did...they would rethink the thought.

Oct 8th will be 3yrs since my brother killed himself. He wasn't sick, he was a father to a wonderful smart little girl. He had me and our sisters, our mom and dad, my kids, so much to live for! His wife was playing games with there marriage and he didn't want to be a "part-time" dad like ours was...so all he saw was this black hole. He took so much of my heart that day that I can't ever tell my DH or kids.

I got a call from his wife @ 7:30am that the secretary found a note and she had called 911. I shoved my kids in the van and drove over to my SL house for my niece and SL. I called my mom who went to the shop and she did cpr on her son...same shop my stepdad had a massive heart attack in and my mom did cpr on him to. My brother knew how to make himself fall asleep and never wakeup...he didn't wake up. I ended up driving myself and SL to the shop while the police did there stuff. I was the rock for everyone in this. I had to go tell my gma. Nobody else wanted the job. Then the family fighting started and I was neutral for everyone so who heard it all...ME.

He lived 2 blocks from me. My Dh and I had to tell our kids that Uncle Sean had died. When asked how...we lied.

I understand if you reach your point. I think every day...why didn't he just call and talk to me. He didn't call because once you reach that final point talking won't help you. You need to talk before you get to that spot.

He left behind so very much!!! Did he know he was leaving this all behind and hurting us all this much. No he didn't didn't. It truely is a black hole. Once you reach it...

I miss him! I don't talk about it. I don't talk about that day. I don't talk about him very much. The day I forgot the sound of his voice was the day he took more of my heart.

isamadjul
(allyson)

[Thinkimjob]

Warning, depressing

This thread got me doing the numbers. Five people I have known shot themselves. Four were the fathers of friends, one was my cousin. All were extremely depressed, and had tried other methods in the past.
They explained my cousin's death by saying he'd left the gun loaded and it went off when he was moving it off the front seat of the car. No one ever quite believed that, because he was good with guns.
A neighbour's son hanged himself. He was depressed, family problems. Another neighbour's son flew his plane round and round a hill until it ran out of fuel and crashed. His father was on the radio trying to talk him down. He was gay, and his family disapproved, big time.
My old maths teacher had MS, and took a fatal overdose. No one was surprised, not even her children.
Two female friends took overdoses, but these really were cries for help, which they got.
A dentist I knew hanged himself from the ceiling of his lounge room. Five daughters, wife found him.

Well, that was cheery, wasn't it? All of us can make a similar list, I'm sure.
Suicide is obviously awful for everyone left behind. I know they say one phone call at the right time can change someone's mind. But maybe you don't get to the point until you really believe everyone would be better off without you.
Is that selfish? Or is suicide just sometimes the ultimate act (misguided though it may be) of selflessness?
I'm thinking of the soldier who throws himself on a grenade to save his mates. Or is that more self-sacrifice?
Is it braver to live with worst-case disabilities and complete loss of independence than to take your own life?
I don't know. As I said earlier, I don't want to die; I want to be cured, so I'll give it a lot longer yet.

Just be thankful you're not stuck next to me on a bus.

[Min]

Stuck on a bus for Job

Hi Job.
Well you never know we may be stuck on a bus together. I assume you to go to Brisbane to see your Neuro, don't know who you see but I see someone near St Andrews and at the RBH. I am 71 and though not diagnosed until 63 Neuro says I have had MS for years and I know I have had the sxs for years, not on any DMDs as neuro thinks too old to be of any use and I am SPMS, still think I have flares!!!,
So the point I am making is that I have been weaving wobbling and limping and hobbling my way around for many years and still pushing myself at 71 and I am not giving up so don't you give up, it's hard but keep on keeping on.

Won't need to lecture you now if i see you on the bus

Min

[Thinkimjob]

Hello Min. That would be Frank Tomlinson.

[empirerecs]

I'm back, but this is such a thought provoking thread with so many views.

I thought about the people jumping out of the buildings on 9/11 and I thought about the soldiers jumping on the grenades and I thought about someone I knew who was burned over 90% of their body and somehow didn't die, but wanted to desperately. And I thought about those worst-case scenarios of chronic illnesses who can't take it anymore. I think at some point those situations are related, you choose to end what could be horribly painful and difficult for your friends and family to see. I realize that they are suicides, but are they justified in a way? I think the family members/friends would understand. I know I would hate to see someone in that kind of agony. I have seen children in complete horrible pain with cancer and they have no control over their situations - is that fair?

I empathize with the children bullied enought to end their lives, although I don't think they should have - it would have gotten better. I know they couldn't see that and felt helpless. Society makes it easier to cause such pain in many ways today, it's more invisible. I was in that position most of my pre-teen and teen years. I am not sure what kept me going. I also don't know what made it worse when my life was obviously better, except the mental illness progressed and was out of my control

It's so hard to tell some one's breaking point. Alcoholics call it "their bottom" - that's what brings them to AA. They can pin point what it was that made them ready. I think the same may be for those achieving suicide. I know there is a difference - my uncle has attempted half a dozen times. None enough to achieve, but the attempts were enough to say I need help again.

I really don't know anyone who has acheived suicide - I think that's pretty amazing at the age of 45 - I'm glad I don't and I hope that continues. I know some very ill people though, and if that time comes for them, that extremely debilitating, painful, life sucking point, I don't think I can consider it a suicide because if it ever gets that bad for me I will do the same. I am waiting for a cure or a stopping point for this disease. I have years to go, but some friends don't. When my mom finally said enough to cancer she didn't want us around, didn't want us to see her, she wanted us to remember her the way she was the last good visit we had with her - her friend and my stepdad are glad we honored those wishes, they said it was pretty bad. That's what I don't want those close to me to remember either, that complete deterioration. I'm just glad I spoke to her right before and she was ready and said she wasn't afraid. I would hope for those who choose to end their lives aren't afraid at the end.

I have to believe most people who achieve suicide were only trying to attempt it, trying to get help and it just went wrong. It just really makes me sad to think someone just can't see a way out except by death. I'm sorry for those of you who have had to go through that pain and not understanding what that "bottom" was.