LOVE ~ What do we (I) have to offer?

[Tracy42]

Thanks Nette

Oh,Nette,

Thank you for that. I've really been trying to find ANY passion to get me OUT.

I have been to the animal shelter and loved on the dogs on more than one occasion...but it BREAKS my HEART each time (I boo hoo). I think I will gently check with them. They have a beautiful cat room with A/C.

You made me remember. I was going to morning workouts to watch the racehorses work out. That is where I met the first man I dated He said he thought I was a bag lady drinking gutter water (I always make a green gross looking health drink). I just wanted to be out, invisible in nature and everyone was so nice to me. You are right, he gave me purpose, taught me about the horses and was a wonderful caring man.

Guess I need to "get back up on the horse".

The passion is really the most important thing and I need to find my spark again. Re-invent
Thank you and those cats are pretty darn lucky! ~Tracy

[BigA]

Tracy,

I think I missunderstood your post and missed the mark. That's what I get for writing on the bus. I'm sorry about that.

Guzzy made a great post today which I thought was appropriate:

I felt a bit low today and didn't know why, then I realised it was my 'anniversary' of my MS-diagnosis.

Do any of you notice your anniversary's, do anything special on them, or feel anyway different?

I usually get a bit grumpy and reflective and want to be on my own on that day!

This year I am going to list the 'I never thought 13 years ago that':

* I would still be able to cycle a bicycle
* That I would be happily married and have a wonderful son
* That I would still be making new friends
* That my MS would give me a break for a while
* That I would go back to uni to study - for a third time!

Now there is plenty of aspects of my life that MS has adversely affected, and my list above sounds great but it's not all like that - but just for today I'm going to savour this list....................

[Tracy42]

Means allot

Thank you Guzzy,

Means allot
Much love ~Tracy

[BigA]

Tracy,

I just quoted it from another post. Why don't you tell her on the post where she wrote it?
http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=114514

Also, here is another thread currently underway which is a under a similar topic.
http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=114265

BigA

[empirerecs]

Hi Tracy -

regarding the animal shelters - please make sure it's a "no-kill for space" shelter - it makes a HUGE difference. Don't go to a county shelter, I tried that and it was HORRIBLE. Horses are wonderful, I believe they can "feel" whatever a human is going through.

yep, find your passion, I think you will find friends there too.

[Rod Ritch]

Tracy,
I am going to attend a dinner semeinar sponsored by the NMSS next Tuesday. Hopefully I will meet other people there who have the misfortune of knowing the MonSter. It's hard for me to meet anyone, especially now in this little town. I see you are in cali. What part? I have a friend in LA.

[Tracy42]

Thank you!

Thank you Big A!

Nette ~
The shelter here is a beautiful KILL shelter-ugh. No non kills near by I’m determined though, I WILL find something again.

Rod Ritch ~
That is great! I’d love to know how it goes. I called a few groups here and got heartfelt feedback from the leaders that the groups were not real positive. No matter what, even when I’m in misery, I try to look at what I have (example…at least in I’m misery in A/C on a comfy couch…I could live in Africa, on the street, with kids clinging to me just trying to keep the fly’s off my face!).I've been to nervous that a meeting could bring me d o w n. But I have heard there are some really positive, inspirational events. Hope yours is one of them! I live in So. Cal ~ Pasadena area.

Thanks for your words and support ~ It means the world!
Much Love ~ Tracy

[NeuroNixed Craig]

Tracy, I've been thinking about this thread for a couple of days regarding the stupid guy who really wanted to take you out, asked, and you went out, only to over hear him say no way since you have MS. What a dip ****!

Here is the paradigm shift in thinking to adopt. It doesn't matter if they think you are good enough for them or not. The question to answer Tracy, are THEY good enough for YOU?

I have full confidence you will find the love of your life as that person will find the love of their life in you. Go for it and take every opportunity that comes along.

[Rod Ritch]

Thanks Tracy,
and your welcome, too. I hope the seminar is good also. I have been to some before I moved that weren't. I don't get my hopes up any more.

[Tracy42]

Thank you

Thank you NeuroNixedCraig,

Made me teary…The responses here have helped me so much. Getting close to people only for them to tell me they don’t have the ability to be there for me is understandable, but it hurts and makes my legs weak and wobbly ~ and it’s not a flair. I understand their fear, and I’m sure they feel mine. But I’m tired of living in fear and unworthiness because of this disease. My Grandmother told me before she died, “it’s all about Love, that’s it, nothing else matters”. I have that to give unlimitlessly. Lullabys beautiful post, yours and all the others have given me a new truth to stand in, which is not fear but LOVE. No matter how I feel, If I project what’s inside…I’ll be OK. You are heaven sent.

Rod Rich ~
Keeping good thoughts for the event

[NeuroNixed Craig]

Dear Tracy,

If I may, I would like to quote through paraphrase from my book regarding the challenges you are facing. Make no mistake, these are only challenges and not problems. Why? Because you have to find out what the problem is then fix it. What do you have left? A fixed problem, but it doesn't solve the overall situation. On the other hand, if you view these as challenges that means you now have many options and opportunities. To see a challenge means you can evaluate it, adapt to it and overcome it. Meaning, instead of a fixed problem you now have an accomplishment which is much more rewarding.

Nothing in our life changes outside of us until we change inside first. You are well on your way with this process and doing amazingly well in identifying your challenges while mentally working on a plan of action. Just look at your original post and this last post. A major positive change is taking place within you.

You say, "... I’m tired of living in fear and unworthiness because of this disease." Could it be you are giving over too much power to this tag MS by allowing it permission to make you believe you are a victim with little chance to change? A victim? You Tracy? Sorry, I don't see you that way at all. You have MS, MS does not and should not be given permission to have you. See the difference. Let's take it to the ridiculous and say you've broken a nail today. OMG! Do you live in fear and unworthiness because of this broken nail? Of course not. You have not nor will you give permission for a broken nail to determine your attitude and living life. MS is really no different. We just need to be more creative in overcoming the challenges by finding ways to go over, under, around or through them to live life on our terms.

Your grandmother was exactly right, it's about love and relationships and nothing else. The rest is self generate clutter and stuff caught up making a living versus designing the life we want.

Now, to place in perspective the weight we place on other people's opinions and comments to us. Quickly, will they cry at your funeral? Will they even come to your funeral? Okay, if they won't cry or even come to your funeral, who cares what they think about us? Besides, do you know the two greatest predictors of people attending your funeral? The weather is #1 because if it rains just forget people showing up. The #2 reason, are you going to feed them afterward? Now I ask you again, what weight should we allow ourselves to place on someone's opinions, comments or what they think of us based on these indicators?

We all have limited time in our existence as human beings and the key to everything is #1, our relationship with ourselves, #2, our relationships with others and #3, the value and benefit everyone derives from #s 1 and 2. Keep the positive people and relationships around you and discard the dead weight of negative nonproductive relationships which are not worthy of your time and energy. Like that idiot on the date and move on. As long as you get up and keep going just one more time than you fail and fall down, you are a success.

I'm sorry this is so long, there are so many points I would like to share with you and such little time. Another reason I wrote a book. Make no mistake here, I am not telling how to live, only providing different points of view for you to consider and the choice is always left up to you in everything you do in life. So Tracy, choose wisely.

Peace be with you,