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Need a laugh? The Bible according to kids!

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    Need a laugh? The Bible according to kids!

    Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.


    1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis, god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

    2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was joan of ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

    3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

    4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

    5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like delilah.

    6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

    7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

    8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.

    9. The first commandment was when eve told adam to eat the apple.

    10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

    11. Moses died before he ever reached canada . Then joshua led the hebrews in the battle
    Of geritol.

    12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

    13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

    14. Solomon, one of david's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

    15. When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta.

    16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager.

    17. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.

    18. St. John , the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

    19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

    20. It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

    21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

    22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

    23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew, who was also a taximan.

    24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity. He preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

    25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
    Joy is not the absence of suffering. It is the presence of God.
    Cut aspartame from my diet in 2012 and my symptoms have slowly disappeared. Interesting!
    Alpha Lipoic Acid (200 mg) + Acetyl L-carnitine (1,000 mg) = No more fatigue for me!

    #2
    Too funny

    You made my day - laughed so hard I had to go to the bathroom! lol

    Where did you get this? I'm want to print this out and pass it around!
    1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
    Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

    Comment


      #3
      Shash - these are priceless!! and laugh I did!!

      Hope your feeling better- I haven't been on the computer much lately, but I know you were having trouble with your eyes after your cataract surgery. Hope all is better now! Casino

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Seasha View Post
        You made my day - laughed so hard I had to go to the bathroom! lol

        Where did you get this? I'm want to print this out and pass it around!
        Seasha, someone sent it to me in an e-mail. Feel free to copy it and pass it on. It's hysterical!
        Joy is not the absence of suffering. It is the presence of God.
        Cut aspartame from my diet in 2012 and my symptoms have slowly disappeared. Interesting!
        Alpha Lipoic Acid (200 mg) + Acetyl L-carnitine (1,000 mg) = No more fatigue for me!

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by CasinoKathy View Post
          Shash - these are priceless!! and laugh I did!!

          Hope your feeling better- I haven't been on the computer much lately, but I know you were having trouble with your eyes after your cataract surgery. Hope all is better now! Casino
          Casino Kathy, I'll be getting my new lens for my glasses for that eye next week, so I'm really looking forward to being able to read and see my computer without squinting. That eye is very farsighted now and the other one is still nearsighted. The "old" eye still has a cataract too, which I need to have removed soon too, because it is causing a bad glare whenever I'm in fluorescent lights like stores or the classroom where I teach. I think everything will eventually straighten out, it'll just take some time and adjustments. (As I'm writing this, I'm actually wearing two pairs of glasses. One is a pair of readers I picked up yesterday so I could see my computer with my "new" right eye though they're not helping my left eye at all, and the other is my regular pair of glasses with the lens popped out on the right side, so I can read with my left eye. Goofy I know, but it works! )
          Joy is not the absence of suffering. It is the presence of God.
          Cut aspartame from my diet in 2012 and my symptoms have slowly disappeared. Interesting!
          Alpha Lipoic Acid (200 mg) + Acetyl L-carnitine (1,000 mg) = No more fatigue for me!

          Comment


            #6
            Those were pretty funny.

            It reminded me of when my son was very young and went to childrens church for the first time.

            Afterwards when we asked him how he liked it and who was there he replyed; " Mrs Fine said, Jesus was there, but I don't know which kid was Jesus."

            Shortly after that he was showing off to his buddies how he could pee without a diaper. Problem was he was in the middle of the church play ground.
            Just proudly whipped it out and pee'd while his friends admired his new skill.
            I watched from across the parking lot in shock. Then I walked over and asked him what he was doing. He just smiled and said "I'm peeing by myself!"


            He is alot older now but I am sure I will remember those days forever. Funny times.

            Comment


              #7
              Bumping this up for good laughs!
              1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
              Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

              Comment


                #8
                So funny. Thank you Seasha for bumping.
                God Bless Us All

                Comment


                  #9
                  Noah's Ark

                  My oldest son has autism and is developmentally delayed. His favorite story in the bible is Noah's Ark. One day we was reading the story and he looked at me and said mom how did Noah get sharks in his Ark? Sharks bite and eat people. I told him since there was a flood he didn't put sharks in his
                  Ark. My son said yes he did he put two of every animal on his Ark because God told him too.

                  Comment

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