my partner

[nim]

Been together for 9 years, we are not open about our relationship, she works in another state visits me every two weeks, or any long weekend or any break she gets. She loves me, but now I have MS i don't know how things will work for us. I am alone in USA without her, and i am only daughter, so even i go back i only have my old parents.
I don't want to burden my partner with this MS.. wish i had answers

[beth5393]

my partner and I had been together for almost 20 years before my first huge flare, and for24 years when I got dx.
[3 years ago]

It depends on a lot on attitude, how much of a emotional burden you let this become in your relationship.

I'm not saying is doesn't change things up a lot, because it does, but just take it one day at a time....

you have a lot on your plate..give it time.....

[LisaL77]

You've been together a long time, it does not seem casual between you. Why don't you wait and let things take a natural course?

[T-n-Na]

I wish my partner would STOP pushing me away, because of "what life might be like in

Although I have many wishes, mainly I wish my partner would STOP pushing me away, because of "what life might be like in the future!"
My partner & I have been together 22 1/2 years. I have had an unDx'd Neurological Disorder for almost 13 yrs and then 8 yrs ago, SHE was "Out of the Blue" dx'd w/ MS. With both of us having a chronic illness, with many of the same pain-filled days, things can get tough & guilt sets in, for both of us.
After all these years together, NOW we can't communicate, When we need to the most?
I think it is because of the "guilt" we both have, that we don't want to (1) be taken "care of", (2) this isn't what the other one signed up for...and (3) We both forgot how to communicate.
Yes, I said it...Forgot how to communicate with each other.
When I 1st had my spasms, she could just look at my facial expressions or based on the tone of my voice, she knew I was in pain. I too, can tell when she is in pain. The only difference is, she shuts down on me. I mean that in the physically. At 1st I thought she was just over medicated. But, she can/does just fall asleep on me, or she picks up the remote & starts watching tv---right in the middle of a conversation.
But, if someone calls or stops over (which has been rarely, lately) she is as a wake as a Jay-bird.
Her attitude towards me has changed dramatically too, over the past 2 years. Granted most all of her lesions are on her brain & I'd like to believe, on her Frontal lobe-which would descibe her Cognitive behavior--one minute she loves me, 6 hrs later she decides she wants to leave me.
Sometimes, its because she feels like she is getting worse and doesn't want me to "feel obligated" to stay with her. Other times, it is because she wants to "Live in Motion!" without me, anymore.
This disease in confusing and no matter how much knowledge you try to learn, it doesn't always make it any better.
I'm not trying to me a "Debbie Downer"! I'm just saying that, there are times,no matter how strong of a relationship you may have had been-it can take a toll on BOTH of you. Just try to remember, it is the disease and don't take it personal.
I say that, but it is very hard to live it. My only advise is: Don't let the MS, push you away from each other.
does ANYONE else have any advise?

[meeegun]

going through similar feelings with my partner. for me, being diagnosed changed ALL of my future plans. i had no idea if she would want to stay. i had no expectations. for her it seems there was no question, or least not one she needed to deliberate on for long--she stayed. tonight we are struggling. i am not sure how much the diagnosis plays into that. i'm sure she gets tired of feeling like MS dictates what we do and when we do it. i really try for it not to be like that. i really try to continue to be the same person i was before...but the truth is i'm not.

a lot of times she doesn't understand and there are times i really wish she could be more supportive and less quick to assume that i am intentionally doing things to upset her. but then there is also a part of me that remembers how hard it must be to love me, someone who faces every day with the knowledge that all bets are off for my future, and by proxy for hers too if she stays. i have to remember that she is adjusting to this too and she, for better or worse can't feel what is going on in my body so she doesn't have the same understanding of what is going on that i do. it must take incredible amounts of empathy to be a partner to someone who has a chronic illness.

you and your partner have cared for each other for 9 long years. not knowing if she will stay is sooo very difficult. i remember being there and wondering how anyone could love me again knowing i have this disease. but i hope she does if she makes you happy and is good to you. its a process that takes time to work through. just be patient with her and let things take thier natural course.

[LisaL77]

T-n-Na, I wish I could comfort you with some words, but I am having similar problems finding a comfort level with my husband, too.

I'm the one with MS, and sometimes I want to dive off a bridge, lol.

I will tell you the day I was informed of my Dx, I went on an anti-depressant IMMEDIATELY. I am certain it helps quell any wild swings in mood or attitude.

Good Luck with your partner finding an equilibrium to exist in.

[pjsSissy70]

My heart breaks for all of you. I too have told my husband that if he thinks this isnt what he signed up for or feels its too much for him to handle, then he can leave, I wouldnt be angry. He said he loves me and is in it for better or worse, "vows and love, remember" is what he tells me.

The one word I hate is burden. If someone loves you, you are not a burden. That is something I strongly believe in. Extra credit card debt, high electric bill, thats a burden. Think this way, if your partner were in your shoes, would you feel like that~

Alot of times, caregivers and those with the disease, have a very hard time expressing what they are feeling, sometimes they dont even know what they are feeling.


I hope I have offended no one. I have one prayer I say constantly, "I pray for mild flares, tolerance to the meds, and lots of love".

[Bo Perkins]

The one word I hate is burden.

I too hate this word. I lost a very dear friend because of it. Because I "could" become a burden, and she was definitely going to, the plans we had could never be. Funniest part was, as much as I loved her, our plans never included us becoming lovers. LOL

It was then that I started saying that if I ever got to where I could not take care of myself I wanted someone to drive myself and my service dog to the mountains with only a few provisions. If we find our way back home on our own, then we have found away for me to take care of myself again. If not then know that she and I died happy in a place I was happiest.

Lately I have had to modify it to being just me as it turns out my service dog is city bred and is scared out here in the country.