have you had thoughts of suicide

[dennismc2]

I would like to know .Thank you.
HAVE A NICE DAY

[Toomnyhats]

Suicidal depression on & off since I was about 13, so for more than half of my life.

Senior year of HS was probably the worst, I had to live hour-by-hour and sometimes struggled with that.

Now is good. I am fortunate I don't have some of the same sx issues that others here have so my dx really isn't playing a role in my depression right now. If I have a "blue day" now, LIFE is the culprit!

[pds517]

To be honest, yes. Mostly random thoughts of "what if I did this" kind of thing. Nothing planned out or what I would deem "too serious". But, that being said.... I recently decided it's enough of a concern that I am going to go see someone. Not necessarily b/c I think I'm suicidal, because I personally think it's normal to have the idea pop up (thought maybe I'm wrong?), but b/c I think I need to express my concerns, thoughts, fears, etc... to someone outside of my family who I can be completely honest with and NOT have to be strong. Also, I guess, you never know when the thoughts are going to get worse... so that's in my head, too.

I'm assuming since you asked the question, that the idea has come up with you. I would say, take a look at your particular situation, and how serious the thoughts are (not to that any thoughts should be taken lightly, but I think there is a difference) and consider talking to someone also.

I hope this helps

[livinms]

I still love LIFE

Even though right now I am in terrible pain and even though I have lots of sleepless nights, and my life is a lot less active. I still love life. Some depression now and then but I look at my family and friends and realize I am still blessed. I have plenty to live for.

[Sequoia]

This subject comes up periodically. I think many of us have at least had passing thoughts, when we're feeling particularly bad physically or when we contemplate our increasing level of disability.

It's just a personal observation, but I'd say it's pretty normal to think about it sometimes. It's also healthy to be able to talk about it with people who understand.

Here's a recent thread on the subject:

http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthr...hlight=suicide

[Quest11]

Inteferons and Suicidal Ideation

Yes, but only when I was using interferon DMDs (first with Betaseron, and later with Rebif). I came to learn that this is a not uncommon side-effect of the interferons. I have not had this problem with Copaxone, which I have been using now for about 12 years.

If you are experiencing this, check the known side-effects of any medications you are using, and consider moving off any that may be causing this problem. A neurologist should be able to advise you.

--Tracy

[Thinkimjob]

Yes indeedy

Oh but had the good Lord not set His hand against self-slaughter.
I think about it, quite a lot. I have a secret stash of pills, all legal, hidden away. I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to do anything drastic, but I like to know I could if I need to.
Well, that was depressing. Sorry.
I'm working on the 'one year at a time' plan at present, and it seems to be going okay.
The other thing is not wanting the people I love and who love me to have to a) find me and b) feel guilty.
And I'm not a fan of medically assisted euthanasia. Don't want the last thing I see to be a doctor sneaking up on me with a syringe.

[jackjackson]

I used to, but I got help. Then I stuck with the help. It took over a year to get my thoughts straight. Now I think those thoughts were crazy and my life is worth living.
It is common to have those thoughts, but you don't have to. There is help available.

[VikingKitty]

I have said things out loud like "I wanna kill myself" because I'm so frustrated with life at the time and feel so hopeless and lonely that I wish I were dead...but I in the back of my mind I remember that life isn't aways a happy thing but it will get better. Happy times come, happy times go. Bad days happen and bad days too ...will go. Is there anyone in your family that you can talk to about how bad you are feeling? Sometimes sharing your emotioins with someone who is close to you that you can trust can help alleviate grief. There is a saying that goes: A pain shared is a pain lessened. I hope you are feeling better soon.

[GEM]

When I found myself contemplating my medications in a calculating way, along with crying every evening, I knew it was time to get help. A psychiatrist with medications and a therapist with talk therapy for 1 1/2 years has gotten me out of the black hole. It is worth it, believe me, the sun is bright!

[SNOOPY]

I not only "thought" about suicide but was writing "good bye" letters to loved ones as well as making plans.

This was a long time ago and had nothing what so ever to do with this disease.

Obviously, I never did comit suicide and I am very thankful I did not. Looking back at that time of my life can still scare the hell out of me. I was in a very dark place and my thinking was not rational.

Since then I have had numerous medication induced bouts of suicide ideation. I have to be very careful whenever going on any medication.

[choco]

I have a secret stash of pills, all legal, hidden away. I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to do anything drastic, but I like to know I could if I need to.

Yes, I have an exit strategy in place should the time ever come where I can no longer manage for myself. I too have a horde of pills however what scares the he11 out of me is screwing it up and ending up worst than before.

I think when one i 'blessed' with an obnoxious disease as this, self deliverence isn't some self indulgent fantasy, rather it's an unfortunate reality.

[nightflyer]

[QUOTE=choco;1285216]Yes, I have an exit strategy in place should the time ever come where I can no longer manage for myself. I too have a horde of pills however what scares the he11 out of me is screwing it up and ending up worst than before.

Yes, as my ms takes away more and more from me I have thought about it often. A stash of pills...sleep life away...hurt friends and family. Then I figure...later...later. I will probably wait until the day after I am unable to feed myself, take medication...or, anything else by myself. I could'nt do it anyway.

[Stacyz76]

I think its pretty normal for most of us to have thoughts of ending it when it gets to be too much on our families, too painful to cope with etc. I know for me, I have 4 wonderful boys, a great husband and a good life. I also know that I have blown through 3 DMDs with no success and am on a pretty steep decline. I keep trying new things, I have switched to medical marijuana for purposes of pain management and its amazing how much better you feel about everything when yo are not constantly in pain. I wont stop trying but if I ever get to the end of the rope (run out of options), well..

[NancyLee]

Though like most of us here this MS crud has altered our lives in many ways and I hate hate hate hate what it's done to me... I can honestly say the only time I ever thought I wanted to kill myself was when my Neuro put me on Cymbalta for depression. One week on it and I was laying on my bed crying wondering how to get up and open a bottle of Tylenol PM so I could swallow it. Thank goodness I was too weak to get up. I went to sleep and woke up with a new resolve. Threw away the Cymbalta and swore I will never take another anti-depressant again! Life is hard and sucks on many days, but many other days are wonderful.