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**Sequoia** · 08-02-2010, 07:27 PM

I'm a bisexual woman with MS, mother to a bisexual woman (and four straight sons), and sister-in-law to a gay man. That's just my immediate and extended family; my circle of friends and acquaintances includes many GLBT folk, some with MS, some not.

**Chais Papa** · 08-02-2010, 08:35 PM

right on Sequoia for being brave and going first.

After years of confusion, I have come to accept the fact that I am bi-gender. It's been a long strange trip. I have 2 sons (straight), a wife who stuck by me through the realization process and a few good friends that chose not to run away. I have a niece that is gay with MS.

For a long time I thought I was insane, but finally after a bad time I sought some therapy and discovered it was GID. That really wasn't a relief to hear but it at least explained why I felt like I had a split personality. Like MS there is no cure.

It certainly complicates matters.

**Sequoia** · 08-02-2010, 09:48 PM

Originally posted by Chais Papa View Post

After years of confusion, I have come to accept the fact that I am bi-gender. It's been a long strange trip. I have 2 sons (straight), a wife who stuck by me through the realization process and a few good friends that chose not to run away. I have a niece that is gay with MS.

For a long time I thought I was insane, but finally after a bad time I sought some therapy and discovered it was GID. That really wasn't a relief to hear but it at least explained why I felt like I had a split personality. Like MS there is no cure.

It certainly complicates matters.

I'm so glad you've come to terms with who you are; I know that feeling of thinking you're insane. It seems to be more possible for my daughter's generation to accept themselves, and for that I'm very grateful. It's still not easy, though.

I have a husband who has stuck by me, too. He's my caregiver and my best friend.

Being GLBT does complicate some things, all right...but I find that it simplifies others. Being settled in one's own truth is a source of peace and strength.

Warmly,

Sequoia

**fishead** · 08-04-2010, 06:49 PM

I decided 15 yrs ago to no longer "hide" who I really am. It is amazing those that show support. More friends stuck by me after learning I was lesbian, than did after learning of my MS....strange world, huh?

**BubbaDanny** · 08-08-2010, 08:31 AM

There may be some who wonder "Why you need a separate forum?" well, why do we need a female and male forum?

I have certainly come across some "Gay" specific issues in the past 16 years since my dx.

Things like a Nero who wouldn't allow my partner in the examination room with me because he was not my "Spouse". He was history very quickly..... hospitals doing the same thing - not allowing him to come visit whenever he wanted as was the "rule" that spouses did not have to abide by visitation hours. Things like that.

My partner is an amazing person. I was dx'd with MS a month after we had met. I thought for sure he would run away as did a lot of people around me (Which seemed kind of weird but that is another story). But nope - he has stood by me and has supported and loved me. As he has said over and over again 'I fell in love with you and your MS" - yeah he is kind of funny.

16 years of MS and 14 years of a wonderful relationship that sometimes I can't share. So... thank you for this forum.

Danny

**epicenegreen** · 08-08-2010, 11:38 AM

It _IS_ a unique situation

It is interesting that with all my issues with my family, I cannot tell which bothers them more, that I am lesbian, or that I have MS. They cannot change either one, and they cannot understand either one. They are supportive, but in a very generic way.

Also, I am very lucky to have a wonderful partner of 9 years. She is supportive of me, but doesn't always understand my symptoms. I was dx'd before we met, so she knew what she was getting, but I had very few symptoms back then. I always wonder if I settled. I feel so "attractive" to begin with, so the fact that I cannot do many things that you would normally do to meet people just made it harder. Is it harder to find a lesbian among the 8% of the population, or to find someone who can deal with the MS?

I dunno. I wonder if MS depression is making it feel worse than it really is. I have a lot to be happy for, and now I have this group. I really appreciate that I am not the only one. THANKS!

**JAXNYC** · 08-08-2010, 09:43 PM

Why do you think you settled?

**mohzi** · 08-08-2010, 10:58 PM

Thank you

Thank you for having this thread.

**gabbo7** · 08-08-2010, 11:20 PM

Outness

After reading the posts, it occurs to me that it's been more difficult for me to be MS-out than homo-out. I want to do something thoughtful and post it on Facebook. So I won't have to remember who I'm MS-out to. What do you guys think of the idea? Some say bad. Some say good.

**camera_girl** · 08-08-2010, 11:31 PM

I just wanted to say "hi" and introduce myself. My name is Jean and I was dx'd 6 months ago in March 2010. I'm on Copaxone and it is working out for me (meaning -- no side effects except for the injection site irritation).

I've been with my partner now for almost 4 years. When I was first diagnosed, she was very supportive. But I wonder if long term our relationship will work.

She is a very active person that loves to be outside. I, on the other hand, have never liked being outside much.

Of course, now I understand why I never liked being outside -- I always feel yucky due to the heat. Regardless of the weather, I have never been an especially active person because of my near constant fatigue.

In the end, I feel it would be the kind, appropriate thing to end our relationship -- then she shouldn't be brought down by someone with health issues when she is so healthy and active. I love her very much, and I want to do the right thing.

Has anyone had that issue?

Jean
dx March 2010

**SpiritAir** · 08-09-2010, 12:30 AM

So glad i found this forum. i have always known about my identity for as long as i can remember. thank you for sharing.....your stories, struggles and hopes.

like i mentioned before, i was recently dx and starting a new relationship. it's hard, and i felt the same way of not wanting to rip someone off of their healthy lifestyle. I do feel tired most of the time and the heat down here surely drags me down...but my partner WANTS to BE in my life...she is active. she loves me and is in my life anyway.....said she wouldn't have it any other way

Gees, she's sweet. makes me want to cry....

**Akasha** · 08-09-2010, 06:10 AM

I am so happy they started this! My partner and I just got married mid-flare. I was on steroids so I could walk...thank goodness. She's absolutely amazing. She gets fired up when they call her a "care-giver."
I was dx the day before Xmas eve 09. I've had 3 flares since then, each one takes a little bit more from me and the flare I'm currently in has me bed-ridden so I'm enjoying this site very much.
I thought a lot about it being more fair for her if I let her go when I got the dx. Maybe I'm selfish, but I cannot imagine my life without her. She skydives and makes pottery and has a pretty active life. She likes to be outside and make things in the garage. I paint her pots (If I'm not shaking too bad) and read and somehow it just works out. As long as she chooses to be with me I'm grateful to have her in my life.
As for my out-ness...I was in the closet so long, I think I'm too out about too much some times. I scare people...Boo! lol I don't mean to, but I have been a take it or leave it gal for the past 5 years and I think I could be a little bit more gentle about it. We live in Kansas and the neighbors think we're nuts...HA!
We have 4 cats and an 18 year old boy in the basement who is coming off drugs. He's Dana's cousin and we're trying to help. He has a job and takes showers!!! It's a start.
That's all for now!! Much love

**Chais Papa** · 08-09-2010, 01:14 PM

Akash, welcome. I had the same feelings about how my SO would be affected. I didn't want to drag her down dealing with all the issues and uncertainty of MS. My thing was to try to make her more independent and rely less on me. It was kind of a disaster, she thought I was pushing her away and I wasn't in love with her anymore. I realized my mistake and opened back up and now we share both our troubles and the good times.
It great you have a good relationship. I hope you are out of your flare soon and able to enjoy life again soon. Be strong.

**Leonardo** · 08-09-2010, 06:51 PM

I'm so glad to find this site. I'm not at all experienced in chat rooms, but after reading the comments from all of you, I figured I'll just jump in and see what happens. I was diagnosed with MS in October of 2007. After 6 weeks in a wheel chair back then, I've made it my goal to be upright for as long as possible. I use a cane and have a scooter, but have been mostly upright since.

My med of choice is Avonex; have not had an episode for 26 months. Started Ampyra last month and the effects have been more than subtle if less than dramatic ... some of them quite surprising.

My partner (we're starting to use the term husband more and more in California) died 12 years ago. I've lived alone since and am fortunate to have a wonderful array of glbt friends who watch out for me. One of them, Joyce, is accompanying me to Colorado for the MSCanDo program in Vail in October.

I was reading Camera Girl's comment about being in a relationship for four years and concerned about overburdening her partner. When my husband was battling bone cancer for the last 24 months of his life, I could not imagine being anywhere else than with him. Our feelings for one another ran so deep during that whole period. I hope the two of you continue to be there for each other. Sounds like you have a great relationship.

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