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    Loss of vision and license

    I posted this on the general board but it disappeared, so I am trying here.

    First of all, I will apologize if this post is whiny and selfish, but I can't be myself with my loved ones, and thought that you all would understand.

    I am 49, will be turning 50 in March, and just found out on Friday that my drivers licence is going to be taken away due to my loss of vision from ON. This is a huge, huge blow to me, I swear it was more upsetting than when I was diagnosed with MS 2 1/2 years ago! The fact that I have been unable to work, and am now in the process of applying for CPP Disability (Canada) was bad enough, but this has been crushing.

    As I said, I found out on Friday, and of course told my family when they came home from work, and everyone had a good cry. I have spent the weekend very teary eyed at points, but really I thought that I was coping pretty well. Last night my Hubby told me that I had better get a grip on things, cause it's upsetting the whole family. WTF? Of course it's upsetting everyone....it's upsetting for lords sake. He further went on to say that my 'trying' to do things around the house ect. is frustrating him. I told him that I had to keep doing as much as I can, for as long as I can, and couldn't he see that? I also explained that I am grieving yet another loss of indepence with this disease, and that I was pretty sure that I should be allowed more than 48 hours.

    I also said that I understood it if he couldn't handle the things that MS is throwing at us, and that I would leave if he thought it would be best, but that I really can't deal with propping him and the rest of the family up right now. He has finally agreed to go to counselling...but I am 99 percent certain that when push comes to shove he won't go, as we have been struggling with our marriage for the past few years.

    Any thoughts on this? Am I being too whiny? Just for the record, I'm 49, a professional who worked until a heart attack and surgery three years ago, then found out that most of my troubles are from MS. On Avonex now, and a ton of other meds, supposedly RR, although I don't seem to be remitting and expect that to change soon. I have one daughter 22 at home, a son 28, who has blessed me with a beautiful grandson who is 11 1/2 months.

    Thanks for listening everyone, I read, but don't post very often,
    Trudy

    #2
    Hey Trudy - sorry you are going through this. I would recommend that you check with the driver licensing board to see if there is a way you can re-test if your vision improves (sometimes it can). In MB we have a thing where people have to re-test yearly if they have had a disability and may need regular reviews. I know about the fear of losing our independence (as we knew it) - but there are adaptations we can make.
    I highly recommend the counselling - we did that ourselves - had been having some problems prior to the confirmed diagnosis. I wanted to leave the relationship because I did not think we were strong enough to cope. Both professionals, and certainly did not think we would be open to it. You may want to check out the MS Society, as they may have a list of counsellors who are skilled in dealing with couples coping with chronic or critical illness. We went to about 6 sessions. Interestingly, my DH recommended the same therapist to another professional, so he found the process helpful. Take care.

    Comment


      #3
      Trudy; I really don't know about your being able to drive because you must have had a large decrease in your vision for your Dr. to remove your license, enough that he was worried about your safety and the safety of others.

      I am so sorry for you about that, I know it takes away a lot of your independence and people that do not have to deal with this don't understand or can't understand because it's not happening to them. I think you will find that you will be able to vent or whine as much as you want here because we are all facing some of the same issues.

      My biggest problem at first was what I thought was the lack of compassion and empathy from my husband and my other family members. My husband didn't even want to discuss the MS or read about it and he didn't want me to tell other people about it. He wanted to ignore it completely as if it was going to go away. My daughter also acted the same. My husband also got angry at me for crying, he did start to do a lot more around the house and cooking etc. but it got to the point I realized that he was taking over and he would tell me to just go and lay down and rest and wasn't letting me make any decisions. I finally woke up and rebelled and pushed myself to start doing as much as I could and started taking back some of the decision making. We had some really rough times over this and I told my MS Specialist in front of my husband and also asked my MS Specialist if I could push the envelope and do as much physical as I wanted. He told my husband that I could do as much as I wanted and that I would rest when I wanted to and that I needed this to keep up my mobility.

      We still have our moments but my husband lets me do what I want to now and if he tries to take over I get very vocal which I have not been before. He also would not go to counseling but I went alone and got some advice on how to handle some of the situations. My husband has always been a little controlling anyways,

      I too was a Professional and worked for many years until MS forced me to retire. I know that no one else can possibly feel what we are experiencing, that they can't put themselves in our place but we have to claim what independence we can and really push ourselves to do what we can and not let other people make decisions for us. I have developed emotionally and physically since my diagnosis, I have learned so much on this site. There is also an area for carepartering on the MS forums which is helpful. I know you are really hurting right now but time will help ease this and maybe if your husband won't go to counseling with you, you can find a way to go alone. Anyways all the best to you. I'm a long ways away from you, I'm in sunny Alberta but we still have lots and lots of snow, wish we could give some of it to the Olympics!! Looks like they might need it. Take care!
      Noelle

      Comment


        #4
        lIFE without driving

        I went through having my driver's license taken ( I have MS) but not because of my vision problem but because this immature female physician i only saw for 3 minutes decided I was "mental" and did not really have a vision problem. She did it all wrong and broke the rules and also lied........and one night when I was having a terrible head pain and driing my car to the drugstore.......a cop pulled me over and told me my license had been ordered pulled for "mental". This new young doc had not even told me she was going to do that and I did not get my warning letters from DMV due to being homeless. I had received no help due to the fact that optical neuritis was not typical and one symptom was missing for diagnosis by normal simple doctors. A famous neuro opthalmologist had diagnosed me at UC Davis. But the next ones didn't believe he was right..........so i got no treatment or help. Then almost 8 years later, my license was taken saying that I refused visual screening and that my symptoms were mental not physical or real. I was sleeping in my van near Humbolt State in Arcata and now I could not even drive it and I had just gone thru a total failure of my left leg. First 2 nights I slept near the Humboldt State police station and went into use bathroom to warm up frequently. I was a grduate student getting my maters in Sociology. Nobody would help me.......cause nobody believed me. They even thought i was faking the leg failure. It was very painful. Of couse one reason I was sleeping in my van was the homeless shelter and all other free places were too warm. Heat makes me sick. But after my license was taken I went thru hell and then found a freezing garage to sleep in. I sort of enjoyed the cold as I hate heat. But it was too too cold. I got my license back after months of torture by clinic and motor vehicle department and court. until the end none of them believed I had MS or optical neuritis or anything else other than "mental". Just to let you know, Oregon has much better vision laws than California and you could maybe pass here. I did very well on Oregon test. Of couse this is 2010 and my vision is almost normal now and greatly improved (urgh.......). Nobody ever cared if I froze or crawled or was blind.........they only cared that i should not drive NOTHING ELSE. Arcata is cold in more ways than one. I was even tormented by seniors at the senior meal. My Bell's palsy makes it hard for me to talk or hear. combined with vision and cognitive problems........and lability and you have ME. i survived to improve and be almost normal after 10 years of dire hell. maybe you will also. best of luck. Attitude is the most important thing in MS in my opinion: so have a positive directed attitude if possible.







        Originally posted by Trudy View Post
        I posted this on the general board but it disappeared, so I am trying here.

        First of all, I will apologize if this post is whiny and selfish, but I can't be myself with my loved ones, and thought that you all would understand.

        I am 49, will be turning 50 in March, and just found out on Friday that my drivers licence is going to be taken away due to my loss of vision from ON. This is a huge, huge blow to me, I swear it was more upsetting than when I was diagnosed with MS 2 1/2 years ago! The fact that I have been unable to work, and am now in the process of applying for CPP Disability (Canada) was bad enough, but this has been crushing.

        As I said, I found out on Friday, and of course told my family when they came home from work, and everyone had a good cry. I have spent the weekend very teary eyed at points, but really I thought that I was coping pretty well. Last night my Hubby told me that I had better get a grip on things, cause it's upsetting the whole family. WTF? Of course it's upsetting everyone....it's upsetting for lords sake. He further went on to say that my 'trying' to do things around the house ect. is frustrating him. I told him that I had to keep doing as much as I can, for as long as I can, and couldn't he see that? I also explained that I am grieving yet another loss of indepence with this disease, and that I was pretty sure that I should be allowed more than 48 hours.

        I also said that I understood it if he couldn't handle the things that MS is throwing at us, and that I would leave if he thought it would be best, but that I really can't deal with propping him and the rest of the family up right now. He has finally agreed to go to counselling...but I am 99 percent certain that when push comes to shove he won't go, as we have been struggling with our marriage for the past few years.

        Any thoughts on this? Am I being too whiny? Just for the record, I'm 49, a professional who worked until a heart attack and surgery three years ago, then found out that most of my troubles are from MS. On Avonex now, and a ton of other meds, supposedly RR, although I don't seem to be remitting and expect that to change soon. I have one daughter 22 at home, a son 28, who has blessed me with a beautiful grandson who is 11 1/2 months.

        Thanks for listening everyone, I read, but don't post very often,
        Trudy

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Trudy View Post
          I posted this on the general board but it disappeared, so I am trying here.

          First of all, I will apologize if this post is whiny and selfish, but I can't be myself with my loved ones, and thought that you all would understand.

          I am 49, will be turning 50 in March, and just found out on Friday that my drivers licence is going to be taken away due to my loss of vision from ON. This is a huge, huge blow to me, I swear it was more upsetting than when I was diagnosed with MS 2 1/2 years ago! The fact that I have been unable to work, and am now in the process of applying for CPP Disability (Canada) was bad enough, but this has been crushing.

          As I said, I found out on Friday, and of course told my family when they came home from work, and everyone had a good cry. I have spent the weekend very teary eyed at points, but really I thought that I was coping pretty well. Last night my Hubby told me that I had better get a grip on things, cause it's upsetting the whole family. WTF? Of course it's upsetting everyone....it's upsetting for lords sake. He further went on to say that my 'trying' to do things around the house ect. is frustrating him. I told him that I had to keep doing as much as I can, for as long as I can, and couldn't he see that? I also explained that I am grieving yet another loss of indepence with this disease, and that I was pretty sure that I should be allowed more than 48 hours.

          I also said that I understood it if he couldn't handle the things that MS is throwing at us, and that I would leave if he thought it would be best, but that I really can't deal with propping him and the rest of the family up right now. He has finally agreed to go to counselling...but I am 99 percent certain that when push comes to shove he won't go, as we have been struggling with our marriage for the past few years.

          Any thoughts on this? Am I being too whiny? Just for the record, I'm 49, a professional who worked until a heart attack and surgery three years ago, then found out that most of my troubles are from MS. On Avonex now, and a ton of other meds, supposedly RR, although I don't seem to be remitting and expect that to change soon. I have one daughter 22 at home, a son 28, who has blessed me with a beautiful grandson who is 11 1/2 months.

          Thanks for listening everyone, I read, but don't post very often,
          Trudy
          Hi Trudy, I feel your anguish, my mother thinks I should just "snap out of it" How bizarre is that? I too was a professional and am still driving although I am sure that will change soon. I am going through some serious depression right now and am hanging on by a thread. Who is going to hire me? How am I going to survive? I sincerely hope you can work things out with your hubby and get some counseling..it will truly help. si-si

          Comment


            #6
            this is to the woman who was a nurse and is hard working and was stunned with a diagn

            here is a woman who was given the devastating news that she has MS and her husband verbally abused her and obviously will not be supportive or helpful to her
            unless he chamges his attitude. I was a nurse also and I think we are usually very
            care taking and even can be co-dependant and I wonder if he is afraid he will not
            get everything he is used to getting from you. He needs counselling but he probably will not do that so I suggest you join a local MS group and get counselling but if
            you cannot afford that you might want to check out your local AA for dependents group even if your husband is not a drinker as they all are dealing with emotional
            issues. Of course he might be frightened and afraid for the future. But uaually the MS road is downhill but usually slowly. You both need education about this disease and I wish you the best and most independent life you can have though it willl
            be a new normal.

            Comment

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