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Loss of Sexual Intimacy

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    Loss of Sexual Intimacy

    Hi, everyone. I am new here. It is nice to meet you. My husband has secondary progressive MS, uses a wheelchair and has ED accompanied by a low libido. When I first moved in, he avoided sexual intimacy, but he looked at porn, and at times would ask me to help him with an orgasm. But, after months of this, I stated to feel used and more like a happy-endings masseuse than a partner. Since then, we have had numerous discussions and arguments regarding sex and intimacy. Mostly, any time I bring up sex he gets angry and belligerent, and I end up in tears.

    He was under a lot of stress for a while because of a concurrent illness, and a lawsuit. Now that both have passed,
    I have been trying to re-ignite this part of our lives. Though I know he loves me, at best he is not interested, and at worst he makes me cry, and tells me I make him feel guilty. To give you an example of how little intimacy we have, we were married almost six months ago. We have made out in bed once since. And that was only for a few minutes.

    Otherwise, he will kiss and hug me during the day, or maybe give me a massage of my shoulders a few times a month. I miss having a more intimate "adult" relationship, and feel sad, lonely, and completely frustrated.

    I have tried everything you can imagine to try to have sex with him, or at least reignite his interest in some form of sexuality, to no avail. If I am not the recipient of angry (even raging) responses, it is excuses, promises that never come to fruition, or guilt treatments.

    Methods tried and failed: the easy rider, a number of vibrators, Cialis, different positions, and topicals. He says he is frustrated because he cannot have sex like he used to, so he is not interested. I told him I love him, and I just want to be with him however we can be together.

    I love him deeply, and do not want to end my marriage. I don't want to cheat. I do want a healthy and fulfilling sex life, even if it has to be with a few modifications. Does anybody have any suggestions? I am really struggling. Thanks!

    Its a hard one. I am a male with MS and want sex and intimacy. My wife who is going through Menopause does not. With the MS I cant have an orgasm but want to share time intimately with her. I guess you and I are in a similar position
    I guess the only option for you if your Husband wont help is to masturbate. It seems like a cop out and there is no intimacy with that. I dont think there is an answer


      Is there any possibility medications are hindering this part of your relationship? Many drugs, including anti-depressants are known for killing off urges in that department etc. Just a thought.



        Hi, he takes Aubagio, and a couple of supplements.


          Maybe he can stimulate you manually? Or, might Viagara help? (Pretty pricey, though, usually, I think.)
          ~ Faith
          MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
          (now a Mimibug)

          Symptoms began in JAN02
          - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
          - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08

          - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
          - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.