Intimacy and MS

[Simply_Sarah]

So, I have been diagnosed with MS for about 3 years now and my husband and I got engaged right when I got diagnosed. He acts like because of my MS he is afraid to touch me. Like he may hurt me or I may break. Any suggestions or ideas on how I can make my husband see the woman he married and not the MS?? Thank you

[TheSpouse]

MS is a bad thing that happened to you, and my wife too. We keep that in mind and try, the key word is try, to live out our normal desires as much as possible.

We have found that a healthy and even energetic romantic side of the relationship is very affirming. I have learned to actually be maybe more demanding, not sure if that is the right word, but you know what I mean. As long as she is able, it seems to me that she feels more desirable. That is a key part to anyone, MS or not, to feel desire by your mate.

As a side note, I hope you are not expecting something different than what you had in the relationship at the outset. People can expand their horizons. Although she has had MS for 15 years, I think our attitude about things has made her open minded to anything pretty much.

Talk. Then read up on ideas. We go to Party City, the Halloween costume place. They have dress up outfits for parties and couples. I think it all gets back to having all the fun you can while you are able. We make it a fun event we plan together. My wife may be tired, she may be a bit miffed at life, but some good romantic time is her "reset" in her own words.

Good luck. You have a fun problem to work on. So much in recovery and care is all about 'we'. This issue is also more fun when you make it a togetherness thing.

I think it bonds your relationship more. But this is just one guys opinion, after 16 years married to my sexy wife.

[Sheli]

It can get better!

I know exactly what you are talking about. Try not to feel rejected or resentful, If you allow those feelings to take over you will likely put up walls that you don't even realize you have up. I believe it is really hard for our partners/ fiancés /spouses to handle not being able to control what's going to happen to us. They can almost seem to "disconnect" when they are going through that. And, when new symptoms come, its can happen again and again. You have to work to "reconnect" him and MAKE him see YOU and not the MS.

Think back to an amazing intimate experience you had before you were being diagnosed, Go back to that time in your head.
Then remind him of that experience and try to re-create it start by saying "tonight we will not talk or think about MS or symptoms or any of that! We are just going to be with each other in this moment now!"
Sometimes it helps to get out of your normal environment. The costumes idea previously posted is a great one! If you're pretending to be other people you can forget about MS and "real life".
It may comfort him if you tell him you feel really great that day, Reassure him that he's not going to hurt you!

[Thinkimjob]

Now, wish I had your problem. Sort of.
Once a night, okay, can roll with that. Three times? Are you serious, brother?
It's nice to be needed.
And he's 65. According to surveys, you're lucky to be getting a go twice a week, I say.
He is just a tad frisky. Nine children, four mothers.