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Milking it?

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    Milking it?

    My daughter who is 36 has been out of work for nine months living with me with her 8 yr old son. She's always been cleaning and work-challenged.
    A month ago she had weird symptoms and we found out she has MS.
    Now she has a grand excuse to lay in bed all day and not help with anything. I feel she's "milking" it and there's nothing I can do to make her get up and take care of her son.
    I feel guilty about feeling this way, but this is everything she's ever dreamed of! She can now be lazy and get on SSI legitimately!

    Hello LynneLouise and welcome to MSWorld

    Do you know very much about Multiple Sclerosis, what it can do, possible disabilities or it's symptoms? The National Multiple Sclerosis Society website has a wealth of information about the Disease:

    The issue of "milking it" is difficult for someone on a Website to know as we don't know how MS is affecting her.

    If I am interpreting your post correctly your Daughter has not been diagnosed for very long? Usually when someone receives a diagnosis of MS there is a grieving process, the same process that happens when someone close to you dies. This grieving process can happen many times though their life as the disease causes more difficulties and life changes.

    What first came to my mind when reading you post was the very real possibility that your Daughter may be dealing with depression and/or fatigue. I would like to gently urge you to speak with your Daughter about her staying in bed all day.

    In doing so you will need to put aside your thoughts and feelings about " She's always been cleaning and work-challenged." What she was and what she is now can be very different.

    My mother always thought the same of me, that I was lazy. Well, the truth to this is I have had MS since I was a child, diagnosed at the age of 24. Your Daughter may very well have had the disease longer than you or she realizes.

    The fatigue this disease causes is beyond what someone without MS would understand. The closes I can get to explaining it: If you can remember how tired you were when you were pregnant --- double or triple that

    I am not trying to excuse your Daughter but am trying to give you a small amount of understanding for what your Daughter might be going through.

    If she is dealing with fatigue there are medications that might help. If she is dealing with depression there are medications to help. There are many medications to try and help with MS symptoms (symptom management) and medications to try and help with possibly slowing the disease progression down (Disease Modifying Therapy). None of this is a cure and regardless this is a difficult disease to learn to live with.

    Please feel free to continue to post and ask questions
    Diagnosed 1984
    “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic


      Hi LynneLouise and welcome!

      I share Snoopy's thoughts here on what could possibly be depression or fatigue that your daughter may be experiencing right now. Getting a diagnose of MS is a stressful and anxiety ridden life changing event for many of us. She might possibly need this time to process all of this.

      You mention that is was only a month ago that she got her diagnose after strange symptoms occurred. You don't mention what those symptoms are and it's possible that she is experiencing a flare/exacerbation and one that requires bed rest. When I was diagnosed, I spent a good part of 2 months resting and recovering before I felt ready to go back to work.

      I (and Snoopy) are merely giving you a different point of view from one living with MS. It's difficult giving advice and an objective viewpoint without knowing what's really going on with her. She may require counseling if she continues to grieve and stays in bed. I know it really helped me and many others when first diagnosed.

      What can help is for both of you to become educated about MS. The NMSS has lots of brochures that can be helpful for getting started. This link gives you pdf files of the brochures

      General information and newly diagnosed can be helpful for starters.

      We hope in time your daughter will join MSWorld!! We are a wonderful and compassionate community of people who understand what is means to live with MS and hopefully can help her navigate though the changes she is going though! Let her know that we welcome her!
      An thank you for sharing - I know that this may be a stressful time for you as well. It affects the whole family.

      Take care now and invite her to also join us!
      1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
      Administrator Message Boards/Moderator


        I agree that depression and fatigue are something to rule out with MS but it sounds as if this isn't a new situation.

        If I understand it correctly she is a grown woman was living with you, not supporting her child and has always been "work challenged". These are huge red flags to me and if you have supported her in this lifestyle prior to diagnosis it will be very difficult to make changes now that she has a legitimate illness.

        In addition to medical assessments for depression and fatigue I'd consider individual and family therapy because it sounds to me like this is more of a long term situation than simply secondary to MS.
        He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.


          Originally posted by Jules A View Post

          In addition to medical assessments for depression and fatigue I'd consider individual and family therapy because it sounds to me like this is more of a long term situation than simply secondary to MS.
          Yes and MS will make it worse. Family counseling is a must especially if you all live in the same house. The fatigue and depression are very real but if it has been a normal state for your daughter you will find you are always second guessing how much is real and how much is fake. You guys need to get on the same page. The last thing either you or your daughter need is for you to resent her, or she to resent you.

          Good luck.
          Rise up this mornin, Smiled with the risin sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou