Why isn't your medication working?

[SunshineDaydreams]

I've been spending most of my days alone for the last three months. It's been a challenge, but I do understand - dh's father had a stroke and has been moved into assistive living, meanwhile dh and his brothers are busy getting the farm in shape to auction.

I've been having a bad few weeks - fatigue knocking me out most of my days, pain higher than a 'normal' autumn, anxiety, horrid memory, and trouble speaking. I've been forgetting how to do common things around the house, like where to put the laundry detergent. It doesn't help that I was dx with fibromyalgia as well last week and lost my pcp because I wanted to try something natural before heavy drugs.

Every day for the last few weeks, when he leaves in the morning, I begin weeping within 20 min. I don't even realize I'm doing it, but I realize I miss him and feel so alone. I cannot drive and we live in the country. I began feeling bitter about everyone constantly visiting or picking up and doing things with his father because he was so 'alone.' To make matters worse, dh comes home every night in a bad mood. I understand because he's tired and hurts as well, but he is nice to the dogs - just not me.

Yesterday, when I was having a particularly hard time speaking - he said to me - are you taking your medicine? I shook my head yes. He said to me emphatically and not very nice, Well, why isn't your medicine working?

I thought maybe he was mad about me not taking the amitriptyline, but he didn't want me to take it. Then I thought maybe he doesn't want me to take the tecfidera either? Then I thought, he is just tired of me having MS

I can't ask him because he'll get mad. He hasn't had a three hour screaming session at me for several months (since I told my kids and one of his brothers). But, I don't understand.

Is it me? Am I just being overly sensitive?

[mercadies25]

It's so hard to know what's going on in someone elses mind.

I would tell him that you would like 30 mins of his time to talk to him.

Have a warm plate of food and talk to him while he is eating.

Maybe you could go with him and make everyone lunch. Nothing hard just sandwiches. That way he knows you care about him and his family.

I feel for you, my husband works out of town 2 days a week and I cry every time he leaves.

I know it's hard on us, but sometimes we have to suck it up and give alittle to someone else.

Best of luck to you.

[misslux]

I'm sorry to hear things are rough right now.

[mugs]

I'm sorry for your troubles. Some spouses just aren't cut out to be caregivers. My own husband - before his ms dx -- was often very impatient and mean to me when I was sick through the years. I think he always felt I was bringing him down somehow. He'd never been sick back then and just could not relate.

Now he's the one in a wc and I try to cope as best I can. It's hard to accept the way ms in a spouse changes your future dreams and hopes. You also suffer inside for the one who is struggling.

Almost 80% of marriages where one spouse is chronically ill fail, so I guess we're doing better than most.

Hoping your husband gets some counseling or at least does some research on how he can be more supportive.

[Ikaika]

It's so hard to know what's going on in someone elses mind.

I would tell him that you would like 30 mins of his time to talk to him.

Have a warm plate of food and talk to him while he is eating.

Maybe you could go with him and make everyone lunch. Nothing hard just sandwiches. That way he knows you care about him and his family.

I feel for you, my husband works out of town 2 days a week and I cry every time he leaves.

I know it's hard on us, but sometimes we have to suck it up and give alittle to someone else.

Best of luck to you.

"Have a warm plate of food and talk to him while he is eating."
That is genius actually! Thank you! I'm going to try that right away.

My husband gets mad, irritated, blah blah, when I attempt to talk to him, especially if it's explaining MS or his family...no matter how calm and loving I am. Or think I am anyway .

[msgijo]

My husband gets mad, irritated, blah blah, when I attempt to talk to him, especially if it's explaining MS or his family...no matter how calm and loving I am. Or think I am anyway .

My DH is usually willing to listen to me when I tell him I need him to listen to me about something. Normally, when I want to talk to him it is because of how I feel about something. Yeah it might have been about something that he did - but it is because of how I feel. BUT we have had to learn HOW to talk to each other.

Just a thought:

Do you 'attack' him when you talk? I mean like using a lot of "You always ..." or "You never ..". Chances are nobody wants to hear what you will say after those words. Try using phrases that are about you - like "I FEEL ..".

And it is helpful for us if I can offer alternatives. Something like "I think I would feel better if we could agree to ...." or a compromise, like "I will be glad to ... if you will ...". And DO ask for his thoughts and feelings during the conversation.

[Imagine]

Hold on

Hey- I've been where you are with my dad; things are much better now b/c I decided to put all of that education that he paid for (for yours truly) to use. Looking at it objectively, I realized that men have a strong desire to FIX what is wrong... especially for those whom they love the most. I talk to my dad about task oriented things, now, that he can do for me. TA-DA, it's great now.

I have isolated myself, more than once, and it's a spiral downhill, making a bad situation worse. Should there be ANY way you can get out of your home, please take advantage of it.

I don't know what Rx you're on, but it wouldn't hurt to mention how you're feeling to your MD. You may benefit from something being added to assist getting you out of this hole.

Hang in there sweetie, and know that you are, by no means, alone. Please keep us posted and feel free to email me if you'd like.
Shalom, Suzanne