Husband's Walking is going away

[duckfan]

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I originally posted this in another persons thread. Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your post, just hit the wrong button.

My husband, for the past three months, is having a hard time walking. He absolutely won't go to the Dr., PT, Acupunture, Massage, etc. I've tried to talk tough to him and tried to go easy but now I'm starting to get frustrated.

I know when he's unable to get around by himself that a change will have to be made. We live on a large lot that he maintains. It's been good for him to have something to do. He has a lawn tractor to help. Now if he gives up I know we'll have to move, most likely to a big city to be near our kids. Neither one of us wants to leave the rural area where we live.

How do we make this decision. When is it time? I'm overwhelmed today and wanted to vent. My friends, well meaning, always end with "think how your husband must feel." They don't realize that living full time with a MS patient that's all I think about is my husband and how he feels. Their statement makes me feel like I'm not doing enough and I start beating myself up.

Ok, I'll stop venting. It's hard to write through tears anyway.
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[Cat Mom]

Don't worry about venting here, we understand whole-heartedly. Caregivers have it really rough, often doing the worrying for everyone.

I wish I had good advice, your heart sure is in the right place. I'm not sure if your finances allow this but if so, can you hire a student (or other cheap labour) to assist your hubby with some of the physical stuff? Maybe when he sees the benefits he may be more open to getting a decision made, or better yet, he may seek treatment.

I'm one to talk, we live in a 4 floor house, 3 flights of stairs, stubborn old me won't "give in to MS" and find a bungalow. My "solution" was to install second railings on the staircases... LOL. I have a feeling your husband is thinking like this. We (patients, families, caregivers) have to give up so much to this disease, making a permanent move because of it may feel like the last straw so he's holding out.

I do hope other Members can offer you better advice, in the meantime try your hardest to alleviate some of your own stress. You'll know when it's time and so will your husband. Vent here any time you need to, there's a whole bunch of compassion and experience to share.

Jen

[Fed Up]

bummer, my fingers did something and lost it...

duckfan;

WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS but,
WE CAN CHANGE HOW WE FEEL ABOUT THINGS

You shouldn't own his pain. It is like a horse to water. What you can do is; take a vacation...you've earned one. Take a delightful cruise and pamper yourself. Ask a few family members to come and visit and then leave for some fun.

Well, not quite like that, but start thinking of yourself first and not M.S. If you find you suddenly start enjoying life, he may want to get better and try to keep up. Or, hopefully..encourage you to get some 'mental health' days.

You DO Deserve that, at the least.

When he is tired of the yard, he'll figure it out. Hire someone. That is what I do and accept any volunteers from the local churches, etc.

Teen-agers are pretty hard to depend on for yard services. I'd get a legit dependable service. Or put in a Rock Garden...there are many alternatives; You are just too overwhelmed with what is on your mind today!

Those riding mowers are pretty easy to use, I had to invest in one in 1988 and loved it! Now, I no longer live on acreage...but, I still don't live in the big city either. I drive through farmland to town. Lucky for me, I landed in a senior community last year and I LOVE It!

Planning your future together requires talking to each other... perhaps, you might sit down with him and discuss your feelings with him about his health and how it affects your emotional health(which needs tending) and YOUR NEED to plan a bit into the future???

You have every right to feel whatever you are, what you don't have a right to be, is a 'prisoner' to your feelings. Vent whenever you desire, but take better care of YOURSELF!

Sure hope you are having some better days now fed

[duckfan]

Thanks for all the good words. It's hard sometimes to put yourself first as the caregiver. You feel a little guilty because you're not the sick one.

I try and go visit relatives in California for a week in the summer and our son comes down to stay with my husband.

My husband's walking is a little better and yes, he's the one who has to make decisions about his health care. I seem to take on the burden of him not wanting to seek any more help. I cannot control this and need to stop trying. Well meaning friends say "make him go see the acupuncturist, massage therapists, chiropractor, etc." How do you "make" someone do anything? I know they mean well but it makes me feel that I'm not doing enough.

Well, todays a new day. My husbands mood is improved and the Ducks play Tennessee. Life is good, today anyway.
Go Ducks!

[Fed Up]

Hey there duckfan;

It is totally understandable and you came to the right place to vent. Believe me, as patients..we REALLY do understand your issues.

Taking care of your needs, enables you to help your husband with M.S. It sounds like you need to put a special trip in your "choices" a little more frequently.

It is easy for people 'outside' to tell you 'make him' and maybe you should challenge your friends to try it themselves...to 'make' him.

We cannot control others; nor, should we.

Frankly, if your friends are of the mindset, they can "control" others, you might want to try to garner some less 'controlling' friends.

Because it is putting too much pressure on you, to be 'responsible' for 'HIS choices.'

Maybe you need to be more honest with them and let them know the 'pressure' you FEEL when they tell you to do the impossible?

Hope your Ducks WIN today! fed

[vspoon]

Hang in there!

Duckfan know exactly how you feel and what you are dealing with. My husband was walking with a walker a year and a half ago and is now in a wheelchair full time. I have taken him to a P.T. twice a week and try to get him to continue to exercise at home but it is like he has no interest. Not sure why. I know it is not easy for him, however when you weigh the odds of more mobility due to exercise or giving in to MS for me it would be an easy choice! Exercise! I see him going downhill and it makes me sad. We also live on a large piece of property which I swear gets larger as I get older. 1 acre to take care of and it is all on me now.

[Thood1983]

I feel really sorry for you. I wish there was some way I could help.