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How Do You Share With Someone You Love?

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    How Do You Share With Someone You Love?

    I am a 32F, I grew up with a mother who has RRMS. For the past two years I have begun to exhibit a number of worrying symptoms that as the child of someone with MS, I recognize as the disease. It is quite possible that it is something else but you know that as a child who grew up with MS it is the first thing that stirs in your mind.

    Anyhow, over the past few months during a particularly stressful time, my symptoms have been getting progressively worse. I have lived with my boyfriend now for 12 years and we are very close and yet I can't bring myself to discuss these worrying symptoms with him. Part of this is us not being able to afford health insurance, yet not qualifying for state care either.

    I don't want him to have to worry about me more than he already does and feel like he has failed me if I do have this disease because he can't afford insurance. I don't see it that way but I know that he would. We have talked previously about what would happen if I did "get sick like mom" and he is committed to me knowing that it is a possibility...yet, something about saying that I'm worried out loud makes it real and brings him in on this with me. How do I even begin to tell him that I'm worrying about this? Knowing that we couldn't afford the health care or medication even if we did receive a dx.

    At the same time though I love this man and keeping such a huge secret from him is killing me and making this a very lonely and worrisome journey. How do you share with someone you love that you are worried about MS?

    For those interested my symptoms include: Lack of balance/coordination, dizziness, eye pain, migraines, extreme fatigue, overall muscle pain, memory loss, Raynauds phenomenon, tremor, tingling in arms and legs, impaired fine motor control, loss of language skills and what I can only describe as complete cognitive dysfunction (forgetting how to do simple every day tasks).

    ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

    It sounds like an overwhelming and frightening time for you. I'm glad you found us for support. My best advice wouldn't be so much about how or when to tell him but to encourage you to plan for the what-ifs.

    As someone who never had the warnings before quick symptoms and diagnosis I would urge you to get insurance now. There are even some part-time jobs that offer health benefits if you pay a bit more and to me that is worth its weight in gold.

    Once you get the diagnosis or start having tests the chances of getting things like LTC or life insurance fly out the window so please get your affairs in order now. If it turns out to be something other than MS, which I truly hope is the case, you will still be better off.

    Wishing you the best.
    He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.


      Tell him! You not only need him now to help you out with your fears now, but you'll need him if and when you go through the testing process.

      I had been with my husband, then boyfriend, for 5 years and when I was being tested and couldn't imagine not having him by my side.

      Good luck!
      Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.


        Just my opinion, but I think you need to tell him about the symptoms and also see if you can start getting answers.
        Sharing this info with him is good, so that he doesn't find out about your condition at the most inopertune time.

        If you do have MS and you do have a major flareup and require assistance from him, he will be ready for it. He can't be prepared if he doesen't know, and keeping him in the dark is unfair to him.


          Thank you all for your input. Yesterday I "lost feeling" in my feet and have weakness in my hands, this pushed me to finally tell him. I use parenthesis because I can't quite describe the's almost like when you're a kid swinging your legs because your chair is too tall, i feel like my feet are swinging, not touching the floor just sort of floaty? Anyway, when I told him he wasn't surprised and didn't bat an eyelid, he was sympathetic. In a strange way we have been preparing since my mom was Dx'd for the what ifs. We are working on a way to get insurance and in the meantime I am going to visit my optometrist who is aware of my mother's MS and knows of my concerns. He may be able to give me some answers while we wait to begin this journey.