I feel broken without the possibility of a baby

[willowtree3]

My new specialist is really trying to get me on the new drug that is like baby chemo or tysabri. Both are not good for pregnancy just like any other meds for MS. Im scared to death that I will not have another chance to have a baby and am willing to postpone my treatment so that this can happen. I have already been off treatment since October 2012 and I know how dangerous adding a year to that is extremely dangerous, but I am desperate. I know there is always adoption, but I already feel as if I am a broken person and if I could just have a baby then maybe I wouldn't feel like a broken woman anymore. Please I am desperate.

[Jules A]

I know there is always adoption, but I already feel as if I am a broken person and if I could just have a baby then maybe I wouldn't feel like a broken woman anymore. Please I am desperate.

Please consider that a baby will not soothe what is wrong in our lives.

Have you talked with a therapist to discuss your motivation and the reality of this venture? Imo everyone, MS or not, should have their emotional life and financial affairs in order prior to even considering purposely bringing a baby into the mix.

What is your partner saying? Do you have a good support system if your MS takes a turn for the worse?

Best of luck with this very important decision.

[rainykatie]

have you been ttc without it happening for a year? see a gynecologist for info. there are many things you can do to increase fertility like nutrition, exercise, charting, even progesterone creams. good luck! i understand your need for a baby

[cherylllong]

Baby confusion

I really understand your need to fill a void, my question to you is are you ready, not only will you have your self to think about but you will have a baby. My daughter lives with me and she is due in a couple weeks, since i was dx in 3/12 i have not been around my grandchildren or any other children so i don't know my reaction with ms or anything else, you have to trust your instinc now. what is your mind telling you, if you were to relaspe is someone available to take care of the baby and you. I don't know...let me know how it turns out.

[mselinida]

Lots of people may disagree with me on this but I feel like you should stop worrying about the MS and try for your baby.

This is totally my opinion.

I was dxd 3 years after I had my son, and I did not have another child because of my MS.
I regret it now.

In my mid-forties I went through menopause and my MS is still here, but my ability to have kids is not.
My son is the best thing I ever did and now that MS is getting worse he is also my best hope.

Do what you feel is right, but don't let MS steal something more from you. No one has guarantees.

Don't let fear rule you.

Just my opinion.

Good luck!

[Guzzy]

Hi Willowtree3.
I understand that need. I felt exactly the same about 7 years ago....empty and broken, distraught at the thought of a future without a baby. And there wasn't anything lacking in me, nothing that needed counselling out; I just wanted a baby. Biological need for some men and women.

I had 3 miscarriages and I felt even more broken. Eventually one pregnancy stuck it out and I am the Mum to a sweet, bouncy, healthy, quirky and wonderful son, aged nearly 5.

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's been plain sailing. I realised that with my poor energy levels I just couldn't keep pushing myself to work fulltime and keep going the way I had. Facing adjustment to my MS probably did me a big favour, but it did not feel like that at the time.

I hope you don't mind me offering you advice, but I would love to be able to maybe help a bit by sharing some of the things I learned, often the hard way.

Go to a good obs/gynae and start any investigations if conceving is taking a while.

Use the 'Sperm meets egg plan' to conceive. Google it, it worked for me. It's a bit gruelling but it speeds up conception chances.

Don't push yourself to keep going during the pregnancy if you need to rest.

Save as much money as you can before the birth.

Get as many secondhand maternity and baby clothes and equipment from friends and family as you possibly can. Money is precious and you may need it to hire a cleaner for a while after the birth if you have a relapse, or some daycare to help you to recover.

If it's easy for you to move, move before you get pregnant, and try and move closer to friends and family who may be able to support you in any way from time to time.

Above all, good luck.
I do not regret my decision to have my son. In fact, he feels like the best present ever and my heart seems to have expanded 100 times since I had him. I wish you the same kind of joy in the future. x

[Expat Texas Mama]

There are no guarentees. I am chosing to have more children. If I had been diagnosed before my son was concieved I would still have had the IVF treatment to get him. I have MS. I'm relapsing and it sucks. I will still have a sibling for my child. This is a very very personal decision. My husband is onboard and a constant help. I accept that my disability may be greater because of the choices I make. Or because of MS being so fickle it could have been like that regardless. Its forever. They are little for a really short time. I can manage. I have no family in the States, they are all back in Europe. I have my husband and my health insurance. Is it kinda scary? yep. But I want this for me and my family. In the end, if you want it choose it. If you have been TTC for a while with no joy then go expedite it at the fertility doc if you can. Big hugs because this is a really hard one.

[Cholderby]

I would fight for that baby too! I know that being a mom is so important to me that it far outweighs a year on dmds (anyway, one can effectively argue that the protective effect of pregnancy and nursing is, at least, partially covering you).

Don't let doctors bully you, it's your body and your life.