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pity party - a petty vent about 'normals'

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    pity party - a petty vent about 'normals'

    I am a stay at home mom to two boys - 3.5 years old and 4 months. I nurse the baby, take the older boy to school, clean, cook, potty train, read to, go deaf from being screamed at, read to and a million other things. All that while being fairly disabled.

    Welp, a friend of mine said I was foolish for saying being a SAHM was as diffiicult as being a working mom and a bunch of our friends agreed with her.

    They were speaking in generalities and weren't alluding to my MS, but it still stung. Bad.
    Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

    #2
    I think it's a different kind of hard, and whether or not it is more difficult than working outside the home depends on the family, the temperament of the parents and the kids, and the career in question.

    Calling you foolish, however, is just plain rude. Why must people compete?

    Comment


      #3
      That's not a petty vent at all, I agree with YOU and I was not a SAHM. My kids are now 21, 23 and 25 and when I had them, Maternity Leave was 17 weeks. Financially, just over half my pay went to daycare but we needed the other half to live on so I didn't have a choice.

      I think the grass is always greener on the other side. I used to envy SAHMs who didn't have to squeeze in a quick dinner after working all day or spend the entire weekend cleaning, shopping and doing laundry. Now that I don't work due to MS, I envy those who can work, get raises in pay and have positive performance reviews!

      I can't remember anybody "Woo-hoo"ing after I finished washing their dirty clothes or vacuuming!
      RRMS 2005, Copaxone since 2007
      "I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am."

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Alicious View Post
        I think it's a different kind of hard, and whether or not it is more difficult than working outside the home depends on the family, the temperament of the parents and the kids, and the career in question.

        Calling you foolish, however, is just plain rude. Why must people compete?
        I have no idea. The whole "mommy wars" thing is baffling to me and I'm not one for drama so the whole episode was weird.

        Parenting is hard for EVERYONE. Well, not hard, but it's work.
        Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Cat Mom View Post
          That's not a petty vent at all, I agree with YOU and I was not a SAHM. My kids are now 21, 23 and 25 and when I had them, Maternity Leave was 17 weeks. Financially, just over half my pay went to daycare but we needed the other half to live on so I didn't have a choice.

          I think the grass is always greener on the other side. I used to envy SAHMs who didn't have to squeeze in a quick dinner after working all day or spend the entire weekend cleaning, shopping and doing laundry. Now that I don't work due to MS, I envy those who can work, get raises in pay and have positive performance reviews!

          I can't remember anybody "Woo-hoo"ing after I finished washing their dirty clothes or vacuuming!
          Ding ding ding! Grass is always greener indeed.

          And I'm going to have to train my older kid to "woohoo" me as I finish household chores
          Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by aitch10 View Post
            Ding ding ding! Grass is always greener indeed.
            Yeah, the grass is so green that I married a man with 3 boys younger than my 3 kids! Step kids woo-hoo more than biological kids do!
            RRMS 2005, Copaxone since 2007
            "I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am."

            Comment


              #7
              This argument has existed I think since women began working lol. I have had it both ways...I was a SAHM until my youngest was about 2 and I was going crazy from lack of adult conversation (that and the increasingly poor economy forced me back to work) and I can say it's hard on either side.

              All I can say is that you have some major patience! Much love to you and your children. And don't listen to haters.
              Do you need or enjoy fear, worries and restlessness? If you don't, then why do you keep inviting them into your mind?

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by aitch10 View Post
                And I'm going to have to train my older kid to "woohoo" me as I finish household chores
                LOL good luck with that, let me know how it goes.

                I am a SAHM and it is hard especially since my two have a metabolic disorder and I have fatigue with my MS. I honestly don't know how some women do it while working. I have enough on my plate without a job job on top of it.

                aitch, fluff it off if you can hun and next time your friend complains about her job tell her she's being foolish.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Both have challenges

                  Hi! I am now a working mom, but for many years I was a SAHM when my girls were little ones. Both are equally hard in different ways. I do think that when I was working and single I had NO clue how busy moms were at home! However, I would trade being a mom for anything in the world....I love my girls and would do or sacrifice anything for them!


                  I do have to share that I recently attended a business conference out of town for several days....that was an absolute vacation! even though I was working. I only had to take of myself, I got uninterrupted time to read or watch TV and i even got a nap in one afternoon before the evening program! (I told mt DH that I could do that "work" a couple times a year!LOL!)

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Thanks so much for your words of support, ladies.

                    My friend and I have made up and I'm trying hard just to appreciate the fact that I'm extremely fortunate to get to spend this time with my boys... and leave it at that.
                    Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Aitch10 glad to hear you've made things up with your friend.

                      I gave up my beloved fulltime job when pregnant with my son. It was a dreadfully hard decision to come to but I finally had to accept that the toll fulltime work was taking on me was very negative. Like you, a friend said 'being a SAHM is harder than working' and I felt really let down by her saying that - like as if I'd dropped out of the workforce to claim benefits and have an easy life, when in fact I was gutted about the decision and hated not working.

                      I think the SAHM situation is easier to manage if you have fatigue. You can tailor your day to your energy level with children, to a degree, and in a way that working mostly does not allow. But perhaps this does not dawn on non-MS'ers. As fatigue is my biggest symptom, this really did make a positive difference to me. Now I am back working 2 days a week, and yes, it's easier mentally and you can go to the loo with nobody hanging out of your leg , but it's physically gruelling and less flexible.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Guzzy View Post
                        Aitch10 glad to hear you've made things up with your friend.

                        I gave up my beloved fulltime job when pregnant with my son. It was a dreadfully hard decision to come to but I finally had to accept that the toll fulltime work was taking on me was very negative. Like you, a friend said 'being a SAHM is harder than working' and I felt really let down by her saying that - like as if I'd dropped out of the workforce to claim benefits and have an easy life, when in fact I was gutted about the decision and hated not working.

                        I think the SAHM situation is easier to manage if you have fatigue. You can tailor your day to your energy level with children, to a degree, and in a way that working mostly does not allow. But perhaps this does not dawn on non-MS'ers. As fatigue is my biggest symptom, this really did make a positive difference to me. Now I am back working 2 days a week, and yes, it's easier mentally and you can go to the loo with nobody hanging out of your leg , but it's physically gruelling and less flexible.
                        LOL

                        And yeah, a lot of the dificulty now is the fatigue that comes from having two little ones. Although I'll miss them being small I also look forward to peeing by myself I'm also hoping to finish grad school and, hopefully hopefully hopefully, work once they're in school.
                        Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          That is ridiculous

                          I am a working mom. I think that some working moms forget that they are paying someone else to care for their kids, and that caring for young children is a lot of work. It's not like you can just watch tv and occasionally feed them lol. Two of my friends are homeschooling on top of that, both of them due to health issues with at least one of their children. I wish I could have been a stay at home mom.
                          CIS DX 2013

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                            #14
                            What!?!?!

                            not a pity vent. I am a stay at home mom times 4 kids. I was not diagnosed until after my last child who is almost 3. my god it is so much harder with this monster on your back. it is a hour to hour struggle to stay at home and be the parent you want to be and can still try to be proud of. "Normals" have no idea even how much work it can be to do laundry or go to the grocery store hun. Stay strong!

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                              #15
                              Being a SAHM to a 3yo is hard. I was in the hospital for three days and my husband was the first to say he was grateful for everything I do, has no idea how I manage with this let alone with my MS and how glad he was to go to work where he could have a whole thought. Its hard being a mother period. I don't get mommy wars either. I lost a friend because she believed that i was quitting by choosing to be a mother when what I was doing was choosing what was right for me and my family. She said it made me a failure. I will likely homeschool too... we are going to do preschool and kinder at least and see how it goes. We do the things we need to and we do the best we can. I'm glad you made up.... its hard when people don't understand

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