My husband is a good guy, but he's not so tapped into how to communicate effectively. I know I can expect him to sometimes communicate like a fellow woman would and that's not going to fly because men just plain think differently. It's that age old story of how we just baffle each other from time to time.
However I can recognize that my husband is slipping into another darker time for him. I did finally get my diagnosis of MS, which I think he felt would 'do' something. When things just stayed status quo he felt more than a little let down. So he's been bottling and retreating since. I get this.
However because he's in the cycle of bottling he pulls it out sideways. He's snarky and passive aggressive to the max. My daughter opened up to him about something that was bothering her and he turned it around about how she's not 'nice' to him (so why should he be nice to her?). I learn to let most of this slide when it's aimed at me. I'm not going to engage in something that's pointless. But I do stand up for my kids when he's really digging a knife in.
I've tried to talk to him several times but he just says that it's nothing...or tonight when I told him that I'm not buying it he says I've been horrible to live with lately. I'm in a relapse and I've been having horrid spasms that are quite disruptive, so you know, I can own up that I've likely been more crabby than normal. Plus my fibro gets worse in the cold so there's that too. He won't tell me what that means, though he's likely right in that lately I've not been the most cheery person to be around.
I stopped half way into pushing him to talk because I realized what I was doing was not helpful. I was treating him like a kid rather than as a peer. That's another thing that I often have to catch myself on. So I'm leaving it for now but I'm a peacemaker so it literally pains me when I can't fix something. That's my own stuff and not his, so I'm totally owning up to that.
Anyways, I'm not sure if this ended up being more of a huge vent than anything, but does anyone have any suggestions? I'm home most of the time - I usually don't feel well enough to leave the home. I do make sure I get out a few times a week for my mental health. He is the guy that gets the most of my complaints and he's the one with most of the financial pressures and care taking responsibilities on him, though I do everything I can to try to make that load as light as I can.
Thanks guys.
However I can recognize that my husband is slipping into another darker time for him. I did finally get my diagnosis of MS, which I think he felt would 'do' something. When things just stayed status quo he felt more than a little let down. So he's been bottling and retreating since. I get this.
However because he's in the cycle of bottling he pulls it out sideways. He's snarky and passive aggressive to the max. My daughter opened up to him about something that was bothering her and he turned it around about how she's not 'nice' to him (so why should he be nice to her?). I learn to let most of this slide when it's aimed at me. I'm not going to engage in something that's pointless. But I do stand up for my kids when he's really digging a knife in.
I've tried to talk to him several times but he just says that it's nothing...or tonight when I told him that I'm not buying it he says I've been horrible to live with lately. I'm in a relapse and I've been having horrid spasms that are quite disruptive, so you know, I can own up that I've likely been more crabby than normal. Plus my fibro gets worse in the cold so there's that too. He won't tell me what that means, though he's likely right in that lately I've not been the most cheery person to be around.
I stopped half way into pushing him to talk because I realized what I was doing was not helpful. I was treating him like a kid rather than as a peer. That's another thing that I often have to catch myself on. So I'm leaving it for now but I'm a peacemaker so it literally pains me when I can't fix something. That's my own stuff and not his, so I'm totally owning up to that.
Anyways, I'm not sure if this ended up being more of a huge vent than anything, but does anyone have any suggestions? I'm home most of the time - I usually don't feel well enough to leave the home. I do make sure I get out a few times a week for my mental health. He is the guy that gets the most of my complaints and he's the one with most of the financial pressures and care taking responsibilities on him, though I do everything I can to try to make that load as light as I can.
Thanks guys.
what a drag! 
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