Can someone help me explain this to hubby?

[Spydre]

Before MS and fibro, I could generally lift about 40 pounds or so without a problem and carry it. I could scrub pots with ease. My grip and my hands didn't get tired from washing plates and bowls, only to die out when I was washing silverware.

Now, it's a totally different story. My arms are weak enough that I can't put enough pressure to scrub pots very well, and as I said before, I can get through washing plates and bowls and then wash silverware, too, unless we only have a small load of dishes - as in a couple of plates, a bowl or two, and a small amount of silverware.

Hubby last night was scrubbing a pot out that our youngest had failed to get clean, and then said something about there was no reason that I couldn't scrub just as well as he could. Then later, I tried to do something I shouldn't - I tried to lift one of our good, heavy skillets to dump the contents on my plate, and while he took it out of my hand, telling me, "you know you can't do that," he also told me there was no reason for me NOT to be able to do it. So while he was helping me, he was chiding me for needing help in the first place.

The other day he got a charlie horse when he cut the grass, and he had me press back on his toes to try to stretch it out. He could FEEL how weak my arm/hand strength is. But he still doesn't "get it".

Any clue on how to enlighten him?

[GJinUK]

Over here in the UK, one of out charitable societies publishes a range of brochures explaining various issues.

They might not like sending a printer version overseas, but you should be able to view them online.

Hope this helps.

[22cyclist]

My husband is a physician, not a neurologist, but a surgeon, and he didn't get it. I think it is more that they are angry at the disease, not us. At least that is what I learned from us going to therapy.

If you can't get your husband to go to therapy, get him to go to the neurologist with you and have them explain what is wrong with you exactly. If that will not work, have him go to the physical therapist with you and have them explain what is wrong.

There are several medical professionals that can explain what is going on that will bring acceptance on a level that you can't do.

Its not about you...its about him and his acceptance of the disease. Just remember that.

[sgrammied]

You can call your local MS society and they will send out pamphlets explaining what is happening. These are free. They have pamphlets on everything to do with MS. Good luck in getting him to understand.

[Westgrl]

It's hard for a lot of people to really understand what we are going through. We look healthy & strong most of the time so their brains process it that way. It's hard to understand when they can't "see" or feel it.

With your husband giving conflicting statements about the pan, my guess is that he does understand. Maybe not 100% but he does. When he sees you lifting it, he is concerned & takes it from you. When he's forced to scrub out a pan though, he is frustrated that you can't do it & lashes out.

For people we live with or love, what we go through is a big adjustment for them, not just us. It sounds like he is trying but he just needs to learn not to take out his frustrations on you.